Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect that family & friends make a bit of a fuss about my birthday?

26 replies

neverbe21again · 17/08/2012 13:02

Cause it just doesn´t happen. Even with the big ones. No presents or surprises or flowers etc. I can count the number of presents mum has given me on one hand. I would be happy with a well chosen book - and she has never bought me so much as that.

Same with DP over 20 years. I´m not materialistic - have no interest in lavish luxurious items. He basically buys the same things on each present-giving occasion. Something I´m not interested in.

I would be happy if people just gave me a call to wish me a Happy Birthday... Friends know it´s my birthday but don´t send a card. I´d like DP to actually think about and plan a nice day for me. As it is, I have to tell him what cake he should get, where wrapping paper is, what we should do, etc. There are never any surprises. I have to do all the work.

Money is no issue by the way.

Am I terribly spoilt and silly? Or just disliked or not terribly appreciated?

OP posts:
Svrider · 17/08/2012 13:05

Yadnbu
My dh never "makes a fuss"
Winds me right up
Come to mn, tell them it's tour birthday, we will make you feel special

squoosh · 17/08/2012 13:05

YANBU

Doesn't matter what age you are, your Mum should always give you a birthday present. A mother not acknowledging her child's birthday sounds quite passive aggressive to me.

As far as your DP goes, maybe he doesn't have a great imagination, a few not so subtle hints and pointers might go a long way.

Happy Birthday!

MrGeresHamster · 17/08/2012 13:07

When is your birthday?

I'm sad for you. personally I think I had one birthday where no one seemed to think it special. Now I am quite vocal about my birthdays and don't leave it up to chance. DH has to have planned the celebrations with me at least a week beforehand... at my instigation. Whether or not he'd do it without my pushing I don't think I'd ever want to find out.

hugandroll · 17/08/2012 13:07

Happy birthday [cake with candles emoticon] Flowers

hugandroll · 17/08/2012 13:08

Doh! Thanks

Oakmaiden · 17/08/2012 13:08

Neither.

It is not spoilt or silly to feel sad that no-one makes a fuss of you once a year.

At the same time - it is probably not dislike or lack of appreciation that makes them like this. Probably just habit.

If it helps, (and I'm sure it doesn't) it is much the same for me. The only difference being that I know these people love me, whether they make a fuss of my birthday or not. This year I got a home made card from my children, and a card and £10 note from my mother in law. Nothing from my husband of parents. But I know they love me and appreciate me - they just don't get all excited about birthdays (or even remmeber them some years). The only parties I have ever had I have organised myself. But that is fine - at least people came!

Pancakeflipper · 17/08/2012 13:09

Are you like me and get a kick out of finding great pressies for others?

Then when it's my birthday I discover I am alone in doing this. My mother buys me socks. Plain black socks. For my 18th I got a iron. I wanted some Doc Martens.

My DP is lovely but hopeless at pressie buying. So during the year I make notes on trivial bits and pieces I would like and then I either tell him or buy it and give it to him to give to me.

Ok there's no surprises but much better than getting excited at the huge box covered in brown paper to discover its a lawn mower.

PooPooOnMars · 17/08/2012 13:13

Do you make a fuss of them?

I would tell your husband how you feel.

FartyMcTarty · 17/08/2012 13:16

What about making a fuss of yourself and less of their birthdays to fund it?!

RightBuggerforit · 17/08/2012 13:22

Honestly, i think yabu. But then i am used to shit birthdays and so i suppose everyone should be too, by a certain age. Obviously if you're 10, you should expect a fuss, if you're over 25 however, then you just need to get over it imo. Your dh should do something nice -a cake and a card at the very least though, but i wouldnt expect much from anyone else tbh.

Margerykemp · 17/08/2012 13:27

My mum didn't even get me a birthday present when I was 16 and living at home.

My expectations are low. If I want a party etc I have to do it.

Is it just birthdays or are Christmases the same?

Original poster
neverbe21again · 17/08/2012 13:29

My birthday´s over with now and it is always a feat of endurance. Yet another acquaintance died in difficult circumstances on my last birthday - a regular occurance.

I do give hints about what I´d like - really simple, basic, cheap things. I rarely go shopping myself. The hints are never taken.

I do make a fuss of other peoples birthdays. It is very much their special day. I go to a lot of trouble to set up a perfect day. I buy family presents that have never been reciprocated.

Mum and dp are not mean, just have no initiative. Mum probably thinks I am difficult to buy for so buys nothing. She probably thinks a book is "not enough".

Maybe it just is habit. And people thinking of their summer holidays. I never had a birthday party as a child, partly because of the long holidays but I can´t see it would have happened if it had fell in term time anyway.

I´m just tired of having got so old and nobody has ever thought I´m worth making a fuss of.

The DC seem to think my birthday is for them. DD wanted to be with me for my birthday this year she said - yes in a theme park of her choice as it turns out! Another DC (reception age) refused to even wish me a happy birthday. I´ve no idea why.

I´m fed up.

OP posts:
firawla · 17/08/2012 13:36

yanbu, its not a nice feeling
my birthday was earlier this week and my "d"h did absolutely nothing i was so pissed off!! he did not even say happy birthday, and didn't even get out of bed either - let alone getting me anything (i dont mind that too much its just the overall dont care attitude), just dragging him self out the bed to give a hand with the kids would have been a start. it does make you feel unappreciated.
you're probably right about your dh just lacking initiaive i think mine is the same, but it is crap. i have told mine, but dont think he "gets it" - i dont make a massive thing of his bday either tbf but i do remember it and wouldnt stay in bed all day! (not that i do that any day :p)

hope you have a much better bday next yr ThanksBrew

squoosh · 17/08/2012 13:44

I just think it's so easy to make a fuss of someone's birthday without any great cost or inconvenience.

Homemade banner, homemade/shop bought cake, cheap but thoughtful present, some plonk and some lovely compliments. We all love compliments!

EmmaNemms · 17/08/2012 13:44

My birthday is right at the beginning of Sept and it always seems to catch people out! It always bugs me, to be honest. But lovely DH is great, he is planning something nice by the sounds of it.

Make your feelings known, if you've been shy about it, they won't necessarily know. I know this, as a great proponent of the 'looking mournfully out of the window, hoping that people will guess why i'm feeling delicate'. They don't....

WilsonFrickett · 17/08/2012 13:44

Well I was with you all the way till you said someone died on your birthday, I'm sure they didn't do it deliberately Hmm

My mother never buys me presents and usually forgets a card or call. However my DH is smart enough to see that is why I am 'funny' about birthdays and makes a big fuss, bless him. You need to tell DH that it makes you upset.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 17/08/2012 13:46

YANBU it is not expecting too much. Your dh and dcs should make a fuss of you.

My dcs start making my cards in May, my birthday is at the end of June!!

This year I got, pj's, slippers, a watch, a pair of sunglasses, perfume, & chocolates. Nothing majorly expensive but all thoughtful presents. Dh (of 12 years, he's not being nice as were still in the honeymoon period!) took the day off and we went out, was wonderful.

Everyone should feel special on their birthday.

EmmaNemms · 17/08/2012 13:46

My mum, bless her, rings up everyone on their birthdays and sings Happy Birthday, complete with a fanfare and harmonies. She's bonkers but I love her.

ShesBack · 17/08/2012 13:48

I find that if 'hints' are in the form of an email with a link to the page where the present can be purchased, along with the actual words..."Buy me this", then they have less trouble understanding my cryptic hints about presents.

I also follow it with lots of..."have you bought it yet" hint emails, to make sure he figured out my mystic clues. I also find booking a restaraunt myself is a strong hint, and then I make him pay.

ruledbyheart · 17/08/2012 14:02

TYANBU
it's my birthday today and it feels like just another day.
Tonight In babysitting a friend of mines 6 children ( although I offered and want to so cant complain) so not doing anything for it at all Sad

Original poster
neverbe21again · 17/08/2012 14:03

Wilson, the people who have died on my BD are not friends of mine or people I have even met or spoken to. But people in the street or friends of friends etc. There just seems be a lot of tragic accidents etc on my DOB.

Thanks for the flowers and sympathy. That was nice.

OP posts:
HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 17/08/2012 14:06

Happy birthday ruledby Thanks

Original poster
neverbe21again · 17/08/2012 14:08

Yes, a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY ruledby!

Try and make up for it tomorrow night and bring out the wine and chocs this evening..

OP posts:
Zara1984 · 17/08/2012 14:21

YAB a bit U

You need to make it really clear to your family and friends that birthdays are important to you, you can't expect them to read your mind.

I do not have any interest in birthdays (my own or anyone else's) - and I never buy friends cards or presents. It doesn't mean I care any less for them, I just don't think that birthday cards/presents/making a fuss is a way of showing them that I care. But if a friend said to me that birthdays were really important to her, and that she would really like at least a phone call or a card - then I would make the effort.

:) I really don't think your friends and family are trying to hurt your feelings, but I think you need to communicate more clearly with them. Also you may need to adjust your expectations....

diddl · 17/08/2012 14:29

Presents don´t bother me.

But I like cards & phone calls-that does me.