To think it is a bit pointless to pussyfoot around it?

[TheQueenOfDiamonds]

My 3 year old daughter has been killing some frogs. She's never done it with me (We actually used to have various types of exotic frogs, so she knows they are animals, and she knows to be gentle with animals). S

She did it at her grandma's house. She squashes them and then waits for them to get back up. Her grandma told her that they won't get back up because when you squish them they go to sleep forever.

I'm not here to moan about her Grandma as a person, but to me, that seems a bit pointless. She knows what sleeping is, she knows sleeping doesn't harm you. So surely, telling her the frog has gone to sleep isn't going to discourage her from doing it?

She knows what hurting is, I asked DD what she did to the frogs and she told me she squished them, so I've told her not to because it hurts them.

Would it be better to suggest to GM that she says this if she does it again? The sleeping thing really baffled me.

Frogs? Plural? As in more than one? I would be much more worried about making sure she never ever does this again than worrying about Grandmas terminology

revoltingpeasant is spot on!

If any of my children had ever killed an animal, they would have got the biggest bollocking of their lives! I'm really disgusted that this situation wasn't handled more firmly!

My DD is 3 and recently went through a phase of killing ladybirds. She would stand on them then wait for them to get back up again. I explained she had killed them. That they were dead and would not get up ever again. She's stopped doing it now. Whilst I'm not proud she murdered these insects I assumed it was some sort of phase, I'm now wondering if I have a future psychopath on my hands

The OP said her DD had been killing some frogs, so more than once. She said she squashes them. The adults in charge of her have not stopped her doing it. They are pussyfooting around her. They know she is doing it and are still not supervising her adequately!

In my book, that is as good as sitting back and watching her do it!

Coconutparadise Frogs also usually live near ponds....another good reason why a THREE YEAR OLD needs to be supervised more adequately!!

Agree 100% with revoltingpeasant and almostahipster

I'm actually astounded at your post OP! You're the parent, deal with it, firmly.

I agree with Worra, don't think Grandma is condoning the squishing of the frogs and her telling the child they have gone to sleep is her way of explaining the death without being too harsh.

However, if that was my child, I would probably be a little stronger in dealing with the situation. I would explain that squishing the frogs is cruel and that they are then dead, have been killed etc etc and should not be repeated.

Where does she find all of these frogs?

We have a pond with lots of frogs in and my two 2.5 yr old would never dream of stepping on them/hurting them. But then we've tried to bring them up to respect living creatures...

Actually it might be an idea to start with swapping the word 'squishing' for 'killing'.

Squishing sounds kind of cute

You're a bit baffled by the terminology?

Wow.

What you've missed in your curiosity about death terminology is that your daughter is killing animals. It's cruel and should not be happening.

You need to be the parent here. Not a curious bystander.

Agree with revolting peasant

Wtf you actually seem more concerned about grandmas reactions that what your daughter has done. Stop shifting the blame and deal with it, jeeze.

At 3, the DD doesn't properly, really understand what killing things is and won't do so without guidance. She's not an infant psychopath, she's just a kid who is learning about what is and isn't OK. And it is, actually, a bit of a tricky one if she's ever seen you or any other family member kill (for instance) a wasp or an ant or a mouse or other pest. First, you need to decide for yourself what creatures it's OK to destroy and then you need to choose how to explain the difference to her.

Who says children at 3 years old don't understand what 'killing' is?

She might not understand the permanence of death but surely at 3 she should know about pain? And that hurting others (even animals) is wrong?

i imagine the age at which empathy arrives is variable? it's a bit much to be flaming the op - who wasn't there, obviously - because her 3 year old doesn't understand that small creatures feel pain - my 3.5 dd is only just starting to get this, and i don't think she's particularly backward.

agree that the euphemism of sleeping is completely inappropriate - how is she supposed to learn that it's not okay if it's only a bit of a snooze? (i am a bit horrified that op's mother didn't intervene before there were multiple squashings)

Deal with your child, instead of worrying about your mum.

I think there's a lot of overreaction goign on here and totally agree with Solidgoldbrass how on earth is a child suppose to differentiate killing say a fly or a spider to a frog? Not saying for one second she should be allowed to continue but I honestly don't think that most children have the empathy at that age to understand. Children are well known for doing all sorts of strange things the kids at ds nursery would collect worms in their pockets.

Just because we all think frogs are cute and squashing frogs isn't the done thing we all do plenty of other cruel things to animals that aren't frowned upon.

No really, think about it. Most people kill flies, wasps, ants, rats if they are a pest. Most people eat meat, which involves an animal being killed. Quite a lot of people wouldn't consider frogs to matter very much but would freak out much more about a child killing a puppy or kitten (same size or thereabouts, same likelihood of dying if jumped on but somehow more horrific...); what is being talked about here is the border at which it becomes not OK to kill something, which is a bit complex for a 3-year-old to understand.

And no, I am not saying it's OK to let your DD tread on frogs with impunity. Sit her down and talk to her about it being wrong to cause pain or death for no particular reason, just because you can. And it does sound like the grandmother was trying to deliver the same lesson eg DD stop treading on the frogs, it's naughty.

Oh don't forget we kill rats too and children often see this or know about rat traps or poisen.

Perfect example, ds and I go to the park to feed the ducks (he's 4), so he thinks we can just throw any food around on the floor because the birds will eat it. I explained to him not to throw food because it's dirty and will attract rats, so now he throws food and says I'm just feeding the rats mummy. I think we overestimate childrens understanding of things too often.

We always let bugs go outside instead of killing them

Exactly SGB I sometimes don't understand peoples reaction to killing something which culturally we see as cute and fluffy like a dog or cat, but kill an insect or a cow or pig and noone gives too hoots. Some of the farm animals are treated horrifically before their death. My bf works on milking farms and the way the cows are treated is just horrible, but because we don't see that people manage to forget. Just think some perspective is needed.

Feeding all the animals whether 'good' or 'bad' is a bit different from killing all animals! Your son knows that feeding is a nice act. The daughter of OP , I'm sure, also knows that killing is not a nice act.

Okay then anditwasallyellow As long as she eats the frog after, I agree, it's fine to kill them!