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Original poster

To let him do a lie detector test?

44 replies

Igglepiggle999 · 16/08/2012 23:10

If you've seen my other post you'll know we've had a few
Problems,
However these were whilst we were apart ( although he was begging me to take him back but thats all in the other thread )
I'm not suggesting anything such as bloody Jeremy Kyle, but a private thing whereby they come to your home to complete the test.
The questions would be

  1. Have you ever cheated whilst together?
  2. Did you use protection everytime you slept with the other woman?
  3. Have you ever used dating websites whilst together?
  4. Did you tell her about us in the first converstation you had with her after we got back together?
  5. Did you suggest to meet her or anything sexual once we resumed our relationship?
He says he is willing to Do these questions if it means he can save out relationship and Restore a bit of the trust he has broken by lying.
OP posts:
Schoolworries · 16/08/2012 23:17

Can you link to your other post?

frootshoots · 16/08/2012 23:19

I think if I ever got to the point of wanting my OH to do a lie detector test... I'd end the relationship, or what was left of it.

You either trust him or don't. An inaccurate test is not going to change that.

McHappyPants2012 · 16/08/2012 23:21

TBH i think your relationship is over, if there is no trust there is no relationship

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2012 23:22

I don't think 'lie detectors' can be wholly relied on or they'd use them in court.

But the questions you want the answers to are a bit worrying in that they say so much about the problems you've had.

Do you really believe knowing the 'truth' about them would give you any measure of trust in this man?

I don't think it would.

DeepPurple · 16/08/2012 23:23

I think the trust is broken beyond repair. I think it's time to move on.

bubalou · 16/08/2012 23:23

I think he would blame the lie detector & say it wasn't working.

They always do! Angry

Original poster
Igglepiggle999 · 16/08/2012 23:27

He is willing to do the test and hasn't attempted to get out of doing it eyc.
Yes I do think it would help as although he has lied, if I knew he hadn't cheated or was planning on cheating.

OP posts:
frootshoots · 16/08/2012 23:29

A lie detector isn't accurate though, and can be very easily manipulated, either by calming drugs or by somebody just really believing their own bullshit.

And somebody can say they don't plan on cheating and really mean it. Doesn't mean they always will mean it.

Kabooooom · 16/08/2012 23:33

I wouldn't trust a lie detector as far as I could throw it. It goes off an increased heart rate, hoping that those telling the truth will not panic, and those who are lying, are not that used to lying that they even believe their own lies themselves.

You can't base a relationship on no trust. Your best bet is to walk away now.

Kladdkaka · 16/08/2012 23:36

Research shows that the accuracy of lie detector tests is only around 60%. This means it's not much better than flipping a coin to see if he's telling the truth or not.

If your relationship has sunk to level where you feel this is your only option, do you really think it's worth saving?

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2012 23:41

Even people who work in law enforcement and interview people for a living have only a slightly better chance than anyone else at telling whether someone's lying or not.

The only person who knows is your DP, and if you don't trust him that means you can never trust the answers he gives you.

It doesn't seem you'd be content to live with him not knowing.

Naysa · 16/08/2012 23:46

Laughing at the 60% accuracy. That means for every 100 people who go on the Jeremy Kyle show and say the test was wrong, 40 of them are statistically telling the truth...

Kladdkaka · 16/08/2012 23:47

Indeed. Jezza's halo is slipping a bit.

Kabooooom · 16/08/2012 23:53

Doesn't Jezza claim it to be 90 odd percent right also?

Salmotrutta · 16/08/2012 23:56

There is a reason why lie detector results are not admissable as evidence ...

Kladdkaka · 16/08/2012 23:58

The polygraph industry ie Jezza say it's around 95% accurate. The scientists say it is psuedoscience and pretty much down to chance.

Meowmi · 17/08/2012 00:02

I really dont think a lie dectector test is going to make a blind bit of difference TBH.

The trust has gone, it maybe time to call it a day.

Original poster
Igglepiggle999 · 17/08/2012 05:13

My head says we wasn't together and whilst he didn't handle it well, far from it, he didbt cheat and probably lied as he didn't want me to see him
In a bad light.
The fact he's willing to do the test prices to me somewhat he's telling the truth.
It was me who didn't want to be with him, a few people have suggested I am the one who should be grateful he wants me back after I left him and then refused to be with him etc.
Maybe they're right? Who knows

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 17/08/2012 07:17

Have you any reason to believe he actually cheated on you? Because if you dumped him it's really not your business who he slept with in that time. I would say a lie detector is pointless anyway but if you don't have a reason to believe he cheated on you then you should let it go! If you can't, then you can't be with him.

advisemewisely · 17/08/2012 07:31

Ffs, grow up.
Make a choice, move on without him, of move past the past and things that happened when you were NOT together and try again.

BeeBee12 · 17/08/2012 08:28

jezza used to say 96% but not just says a high level of accuracy with no figure

Original poster
Igglepiggle999 · 17/08/2012 09:53

No evidence he cheated but the lying has completely thrown me.
Even when it actually came out he lied an lied until he had no choice but to admit it.
He says it's because he didn't want to lose me after just getting me back which is why it's so weird that he continued to speak to her once we were back together as he genuinely seemed over the moon

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 17/08/2012 09:56

I'm pretty sure that you can only ask 3 questions at a time in a LD test - and they need to be worded so the person can give 'yes' or 'no' answers.

But, as others have said, just ditch him.

ShirleyKnot · 17/08/2012 09:58

What would you do if it came back that he was a "DIRTY LITTLE LIAR!"?

Converseley what if it comes out that he was "TELLING THE TRUTH!"

I think that once you're at this point in a relationship then it's over, I would find it nigh on impossible to trust someone again regardless of what a lie detector "told" me.

Chrysanthemum5 · 17/08/2012 10:01

I think the questions you want to ask say to me that the realtionship is over. If he had seen someone else when you were apart that's something you could maybe get over, but if he's still been speaking to another women after you were back together then what is the point?

Only you can decide what you want to do, but I don't think a lie detector test is going to help

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