To be bloody fuming with 4yr old who refuses to apologise to his Dad

[Fourfingerkitkat]

DS (4) is generally a loving happy wee boy who is very affectionate, to me at least, and often tells me he loves me. He can be quite a sensitive child though and I sometimes worry that he is overly sensitive but we're all made differently I suppose..

Anyway he refuses point blank to tell his Dad that he loves him and does actually say that he only loves me and does not love his Dad. This is obviously upsetting for DH. DH adores both our kids (DD aged 2) and is far softer with them than me. This morning before leaving work DS asked him to build a trap for his dinosaurs and and DH quickly set up a box to look like a small trap. DS went over to it and kicked it over saying it's not what he wanted. I was absolutely f*king raging and asked him why he did it. He burst into tears and said it wasn't the right kind of trap or bait. Why are 4yr olds so f**ing complicated ! DH kind of shrugged his shoulders and said "to hell with it, I give up" ....he feels as though nothing he ever does is right. I said to DS that if I or Daddy did something to upset him then we would be sad and want to apologise. But he just looked at me and said he would not be apologising to DH.

I probably am being unreasonable.....he's only 4 for God's sake but I know the little bugger would apologise to me no problem. Poor DH seems to get the brunt of everything....

I don't think children should have to apologise for their feelings. Yes, say sorry for kicking the trap over, obviously. But as far as the saying he doesn't love daddy thing, I would say " that's ok. Dad loves you very very much" and quickly move on. No analysis, questioning or discussing. Just constant reinforcement that he is loved unconditionally. I can practically promise that this will pass. And the less attention you pay to it the sooner it will pass. Oh and whatever else you do or don't do, NeVER ask him if he loves anybody. It's a sure fire way of getting an answer you don't want!

You can say to a 4 year old that telling his Daddy that 'he doesn't love him' is wrong and rude.
He knows that he is hurting his dad's feelings by saying it (unless he has zero empathy) that's why he says it. I would guess that there's a bit of 'playing' the two of you going on.
I would agree with those who have said : tell your DS that what he has said ' isn't a kind thing to say' and ' I love Daddy very much'. That should take the wind out of his sails.
Even younger DC can be taught not to say things like 'I don't like you'.