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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenagers and activity holidays

45 replies

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 17:05

Aibu for traffic, but posting for advice not just a rant
We're all five away on an all inclusive holiday and really struggling to spend any time with teenagers. There are all day activities for them which is great, but they're also wanting to eat with friends and go off site, over unlit rocks to a bar where they all go from 11. So far we've sanctioned this, collecting them at 12.30, with the result that they're shattered and grumpy and I'm anxious all the evening. Today they've been monosyllabic and resentful of any family time- checking in at lunchtime and end of day swim and supper.
Any advice- they're 14 and 15 and we feel like packing up and coming home.

OP posts:

JumpingThroughHoops · 15/08/2012 17:21

Do you trust your children? They have to learn to spread their wings too.

I suppose someone will come along and leap on the word "bar", but I suppose you just mean a gathering point? And you are picking them up.

I would go with it, but make sure you drum it home that this is a holiday thing and stayong out in a real bar to 12.30 WILL NOT be allowed at home.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 15/08/2012 17:23

My DSs are a bit younger 9oldest 11), but I don't think I'd be allowing this.

whois · 15/08/2012 17:34

Oh they are probably having the holiday of their lives! Activities in the day, freedom and friends in the evening. Who would want to hang with mum and dad if they can help it?

Let them have fun and surely it's nice and relaxing for you without grumpy teenagers ruining you evening meals?

eurochick · 15/08/2012 17:43

You get to do your thing, they get to do theirs. What's the problem?

Original poster

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 17:46

Thank you! I do trust them but darkness, drink spiking etc. it's not in their control. And yes, it's not fun eating with grumpy teenagers, but we've chosen to have a holiday with them rather than send them off to pgl while DH and I have a lovely camping or luxury holiday. We've had a big row this evening and they are now being lovely- so fingers crossed.

OP posts:

cantspel · 15/08/2012 17:46

But that is the point of these holidays.
The teens get to enjoy themselves with other teens and you get to chill out knowing that they are enjoying themselves in a relatively safe enviroment.

Original poster

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 17:48

Thank you was to previous posters- not euro hick btw. Funnily enough I like my dcs and enjoy spending time with them

OP posts:

cantspel · 15/08/2012 17:52

It is not a question of if you like your dc or not but they are growing up and it is natural they want to spend their holiday with other teens.
I did one of these holidays last year and my teens had the time of their lives.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2012 17:55

The teens get to enjoy themselves with other teens and you get to chill out knowing that they are enjoying themselves in a relatively safe enviroment

This ^^

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 15/08/2012 18:30

I'm not sure how safe it is though.....(going off-site to a bar. If you wouldn't allow it at home, why on holiday, when people are more uninhibited?

mayorquimby · 15/08/2012 18:35

I wouldn't have seen my parents from one end of the holiday to the next in those circumstances. They're teenagers, they're not meant to want to spend time with their old pair.

Original poster

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 18:43

The off site bar is the crux of it. They've been checking in and sweet knowing that there was the possibility of that in our say, but today when I said no, I need a night without worrying, they've not bothered!
Any way they're off with friends until they dont go'scrambling over rocks to bar' tonight, so we'll see how that pans out.

OP posts:

ssd · 15/08/2012 18:52

am confused, do your 14 and 15 yr olds disappear form 11 pm till after midnight with other teenagers somewhere you dont know? what sort of holiday are you on?

confusedpixie · 15/08/2012 18:57

They're on holiday too though, for them holiday is getting away from their parents ;) Maybe you should organise one or two days of the rest of the holiday where you spend the day together doing something local/touristy?

Saying that, I wish my parents had just sent me to PGL instead of the family holidays, drove me mad

Original poster

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 19:20

ssd thank you for the reality check. I am apparently the only parent with any qualms, the only one who collects and early too.
It was described to us at induction in terms of they will go, they're not our responsibility, don't drink spirits as they're large and they serve underage. A similar speech was apparently given to the teens groups
It's really hard to be strict when everyone else's parents is acquiescing.

OP posts:

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 15/08/2012 19:52

They are away from their parents all day. Going out late to bars is a step too "away" - at 14 and 15.

BsshBossh · 15/08/2012 20:15

I'm also a bit shocked at the thought of 14 and 15yo disappearing to off-site bars until 12.30am! OP - YANBU.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 15/08/2012 20:25

The daytime part sounds fine, and eating with their new friends in the evenings too - the bar off site til aftermidnight doesn't sound fine at all as they are 14 and 15!

I hated family holidays after the age of 11 or so, and eventually outright refused to go by the time I was 13 - I would have much preferred the holiday the OP describes - but a 10pm curfew and no leaving the site would be perfectly reasonable, and definitely no alcohol consumed off site and away from parents! Is this really being condoned/ encouraged by the site staff? If so letter to head office/ management seems in order, but doesn't solve the OP's problem as it IS difficult to be the "only" parent apparently not allowing something, it will make the OP's kids feel left out and consequently hugely sullen and sulky and probably spoil the holiday!

The late night part of the holiday sounds like a huge problem!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 15/08/2012 20:29

Going off all day: fine. Scrambling over rocks to go to a bar? No way would I let my theoretical 14 and 15 year old do that. A family meal and bed by 1030 more like!

Pandemoniaa · 15/08/2012 20:47

I don't think YABU to be concerned about time spent offsite in a bar. That would worry me.

But I'd honestly not expect to see teenagers of that age in the day. Especially if they were signed up to do activities. In fact, I'd go a stage further and suggest that there's nothing worse than teenagers grumping around unwillingly close to their parents on a family holiday. At 14 and 15 they are nearly at the end of the tolerance of this sort of holiday I'd have thought, no matter how much you picture things differently.

Original poster

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 20:51

Thank you. Lots to mull over. Management are covering themselves by warning us about it, the large measures etc. they're also v strict about selling alcohol on site; over 16 only with special ID.
Anyway another late night for me, then collecting them at 12.30. They'd arranged that I'd bring another 14 yo home, and as I didn't have the benefit of a stress free day looking forward to them not going out tomorrow, I've said yes, but no bar tomorrow. Hope they're nice during the day!

OP posts:

Original poster

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 23:04

Safely home. Poor other dad was also looking for them -we missed him in the dark. So at least one night off and then accompanying them from now on. Wonder what head office could or should do...

OP posts:

BsshBossh · 16/08/2012 08:35

OP, can you tell us what type of holiday/holiday company this is? I am shocked that they are, indirectly perhaps, encouraging all this.

ssd · 16/08/2012 09:15

poor you op, that's not much of a holiday for you and your dh, you could have stayed at home for a lot less worry

really am shocked at whats going on, we've never been able to afford an all inclusive and I'm glad now, this would worry me sick and I'm easy going with my 2

is this what happens on a holiday in Europe with teenagers, they meet a gang and bugger off? I'm saving to take mine abroad next year, but this is putting me waaay off

ssd · 16/08/2012 09:16

and what do they do all day? do you pay for them to do things?

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