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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenagers and activity holidays

45 replies

lambethlil · 15/08/2012 17:05

Aibu for traffic, but posting for advice not just a rant
We're all five away on an all inclusive holiday and really struggling to spend any time with teenagers. There are all day activities for them which is great, but they're also wanting to eat with friends and go off site, over unlit rocks to a bar where they all go from 11. So far we've sanctioned this, collecting them at 12.30, with the result that they're shattered and grumpy and I'm anxious all the evening. Today they've been monosyllabic and resentful of any family time- checking in at lunchtime and end of day swim and supper.
Any advice- they're 14 and 15 and we feel like packing up and coming home.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 16/08/2012 09:19

All sounds a bit out of control to me. YANBU but not making it very clear either.

Chandon · 16/08/2012 09:29

how do 14 year olds have money to drink in bars?

I would not let them, and would loathe the slack parenting around and subsequent peer pressure.

I see it as part of my job as a parent to put a stop to the "fun" if it is not sensible.

No wonder they are grouchy the next day, they'll be hungover (again, how do they get the money?)

lljkk · 16/08/2012 09:49

I'd probably let them do it (bars & all, it's just socialising), but maybe not every night, not if they are so grumpy that they are useless when they need to be active in the mornings.

SoldeInvierno · 16/08/2012 09:53

YABU. 12:30 is the beginning of the evening in many mediterranean countries!! If you want them to be with you every evening, stay at home. I wouldn't be surprised if next year they are even more grumpy about going on holidays with you.

squeakytoy · 16/08/2012 09:57

scrabbling about while drunk, over unlit rocks sounds dangerous for anyone though.. and not a very clever thing to do.. there must be a safer route than that

Doodlekitty · 16/08/2012 10:00

Slightly different situation but me and my Mam used to go away for a week every year when I was a teenager. In England but a similar sort of set up with activities etc. from 13 I would get up, go out, return and have lunch with my mam, go back out, evening meal and maybe an hour with her and then off with mates till about midnight. Then I'd meet her, we'd wander back to room and sit up for hours chatting. They were great times, I still remember them fondly, we had some great space from each other but also some of the best chats. I don't have teenagers but I would like to think I would allow my teens to have the holiday yours are having.

BsshBossh · 16/08/2012 10:38

Doodlekitty, did you drink loads when out at 13?

ColourMeWithChaos · 16/08/2012 10:41

Are you at Mark Warner San Agostino by any chance lambeth?

MissFaversam · 16/08/2012 11:21

I also love spending time with my teenager. But teens of this age don't like spending time with us lot anymore. This is absolutely normal in my book.

wordfactory · 16/08/2012 12:13

I think it's fine for teens to do their own thing in the day wihtin the resort or environs.

But at that age I wouldn't want them off on their own, particularly not somehwere which involves darkness and rocks and underage drinking.

MissFaversam · 16/08/2012 13:31

I would also say that there's "drink" everywhere. As in can be purchased and drunk over the park during the day.

Original poster

lambethlil · 16/08/2012 14:04

Daytime is free activities- safe and busy and all fine. We've been giving the 5? and said no spirits or wine, only beer and soft drinks. There have however been shot games and they've brought money home.
Nighttime is over rocks about 11, me collecting 12.30.
All fine today, we've asked them to check in cheerfully which they have, theyve breakfasted lunched and will have dinner with friends and it was agreed last night that they'd be in tonight.
colourme, we are indeed!
I can see why they warned about rocks and measures, but wish they'd just say don't go, parents don't let them go.

OP posts:

Original poster

lambethlil · 16/08/2012 14:09

missf there isn't that much drink around back home- central London, quite tight knit peer group. Near us they can't
buy it in shops or bars, parents feel a great responsibility and will allow beer or cider and stay around, police patrol local parks and bring them home with a caution etc.

OP posts:

MissFaversam · 16/08/2012 14:15

That's great labethlil but what I was trying to say in is it's not in the exposure to these things it lies in educating them and letting them fly. The more you stilt this or stop them having fun with their peers the more they will end up defying you.

Going to discos at their age until 12.30 to me is perfectly natural and I personally wouldn't stop it.

MissFaversam · 16/08/2012 14:16

A pain in the arse for us though ay

ColourMeWithChaos · 16/08/2012 14:35

Those bloody rocks and that bloody bar!

It's a pain in the arse isn't it Lambeth?

I recognised it immediately from your description - there would be an exodus of teenagers over the rocks after dinner and then a staggering back in the early hours of the morning.

My two eldest DSs went every bloody night. They were reasonably sensible so it wasn't too bad but some of the people they made friends with were ridiculous - they ended up helping a girl back to the hotel because she could barely stand but they had no idea where she was staying so they brought her to our room. We had to try and get her to remember her name and then went to reception to get her room number. Her parents were mortified!

They warn you about it in the welcome speech which means they know it's a problem.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 16/08/2012 15:14

MissFaversham at 14 letting them fly over slippery rocks in the dark after drinking seems to be going a bit far... although I agree with your basic point as I went to stay with a friend when I went out drinking and to discos at 15 and outright lied to my parents about what we did. I would hope my kids won't have to do that, but would like a middle ground between making it know such things are banned, and allowing them out to a bar on their own, climbing over rocks in the middle of the night.

I don't know what I would do in the OP's position as I think there is no ideal... I am glad we live in Germany where teens are allowed to buy beer from 16 but nothing else til 18, and the age limits are strictly enforced (they all have an ID card from 16 anyway, so no ID card means you're not old enough!) Mine are still young but there does seem to be less of a drunken culture among teens (though there is a big beer drinking culture obviously, less drinking to get drunk) - the crazy drunk people at the big beer festivals are rarely German!

MissFaversam · 16/08/2012 16:04

"MissFaversham at 14 letting them fly over slippery rocks in the dark after drinking seems to be going a bit far"

I didn't mention anything about 14 year olds being able to drink. I said they should be able to go to the disco?

Original poster

lambethlil · 16/08/2012 16:29

Just to reiterate- it is over rocks to a bar in Greece, situations as colourme describes and no ID checks- that's the attraction as on site theres a well enforced over 16 rule. As I say we're safe tonight as they're not going, but it looks like for the rest of the stay I either get to be Victorian parent and make them
stay on site or be stressed out. Thanks Mark Warner- not exactly the relaxing holiday I'd planned.

OP posts:

ColourMeWithChaos · 16/08/2012 16:40

I just don't understand why they can't block the rocks off! They own the beach don't they?

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