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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that entering a person's house without knocking is rude?

63 replies

Nancyclancy · 15/08/2012 16:14

I am quite a sociable person and I'm happy for friends/family to knock at my door, open it and call out to me.
However this morning I was sitting in my front room with my eldest when I looked up to see my dh uncle standing in my front room doorway. I was a bit [shocked] as I wasn't dressed (in dressing gown.)
He needed to borrow something from our shed. When he left, I asked my ds if he'd heard him knock, he hadn't.
This is happening more and more and it's starting to annoy me, especially as the family members doing it aren't even close.
I went through a phase of locking my doors and found that if I didn't answer really quickly they'd peer through our windows!!!

It's not so much the just walking in that grates me. It's the appearing in the doorway suddenly that pisses me off as it's invading our privacy. I could have been naked ths morning!!

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 15/08/2012 16:49

You're safe until the wrong people are outside your home, opening the door.... which may never happen but if it does, you're fucked.

MrsKeithRichards · 15/08/2012 16:53

I'm not about to barricade myself in my house.

I have a uPVC door with a built in locking system, no Yale locks here or in any other house I've lived in.

CommaChameleon · 15/08/2012 16:54

Imperial I agree with you to a point, it is the person walking in who is at fault but the OP has set a bit of a precedent already by having an open door policy. I think it's the old saying about giving an inch and someone will eventually take a mile.

People have gotten so used to being able to knock and walk right in to her house now that they are becoming far too familiar and forgetting to knock altogether.

Plus, I doubt they are working out how close a family member you have to be before you walk right in, knock and walk in or knock and wait.

OP has two choices really, speak to the people concerned and reminding them that they need to knock before they enter so she knows someone is in the house, or she needs to lock the door.

It's her house and she shouldn't have to lock the door is she doesn't want to. But if this is causing her a problem and locking the door resolves that problem then why not make her own life easier by changing what she does rather than saying "but I shouldn't have to...so I won't" and still having the problem occur. Even just for a short time it might get her family back into the habit of knocking on the door before they try to open it.

Nanny0gg · 15/08/2012 17:03

So, what did you say to him?
Did you tell him that he should have knocked first?

Littleprincessrocks · 15/08/2012 17:04

My in laws do this and it really gets on my nerves.
My FIL has walked in on me when I was breastfeeding DS once - I was not dressed (just in dressing gown) with boob out winding DS.
I was not impressed to say the least! He was then rude and made a comment about me sitting round undressed. I was in my own house, I can walik around naked all day if I want to, I pay the mortgage!
It always happens after DH has opened the door and not relocked it for whatever reason, his family are all very lax when it comes to security and locking doors.
I would never just walk in to someones house, it is rude. With my family we announce visits - by a call or text, then a knock on the door and wait approach.

Xayide · 15/08/2012 17:06

We too have a uPVC door which is just as well as the house insurance we have requires a key lockable door and not a yale lock.

It's a five point locking mechanism with a barrel type that makes breaking it to get in is much harder.

usualsuspect · 15/08/2012 17:08

Friends and family just walk in my house, it doesn't bother me at all. My front door is never locked if I'm in.

Original poster
Nancyclancy · 15/08/2012 17:08

He really caught me by surprise so I didn't have time to think. I did say I hadn't heard him knock and that I could have been naked.
I probably came across as a bit 'offish' but that was because I wasn't expecting him to be there.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 15/08/2012 17:10

If I was naked around the house I would lock the door Grin

Original poster
Nancyclancy · 15/08/2012 17:13

Maybe I should constantly walk around my house naked, People wouldn't forget to knock then!

OP posts:
WhenDoISleep · 15/08/2012 17:17

I find this very strange but I think it is because I have never lived in a house without a Yale type lock that means you need the key to open the door from the outside

Xayide · 15/08/2012 17:23

I though Yale locks weren't considered that secure - which is why I assumed our house contents insurance is cheaper dependent on us having a lockable with key door.

Though most of the rentals I had did have Yale locks.

Krumbum · 15/08/2012 17:24

I walk into my friends house because I know she never locks the door and there's no point her getting up to let me in.

Freshletticialongjump · 15/08/2012 17:35

Wander around naked next time you think they may call. They'll soon get the hint.
And DH's mate turning up for supper every night is bonkers! Why the hell don't you tell him to cook his own effin dinner?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 15/08/2012 17:39

Ours isn't a Yale lock, it is a uPVC one with the bolts all the way round the door, which you have to lock with a key from inside or outside if you want all the bolts engaged (as insurers specify) however if you pull it shut you need a key to open it from the outside but not the inside, which is how it is when we're at home during the day. I thought that was how all uPVC ones are, our previous one was the same.

Anyway, that is getting off the subject, people should definitely not just walk in unless you have said they can.

Rachog · 15/08/2012 17:40

I have an open door policy because I am to lazy to answer it. People tend to call hello as they come in.

BadgersRetreat · 15/08/2012 17:42

i am a bit Shock at this - i would always knock and wait - even if it was my mum or sisters house, and i was expected!

doors are shut and locked at home - if for no other reason than i would totally forget to lock them all if i went out

i have a doorbell, use it.

WinkyWinkola · 15/08/2012 17:44

I'd be pretty hacked off if anyone other than dh or dcs just marched into my house. Wow. How rude.

I could be doing anything for starters.

Xayide · 15/08/2012 17:47

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes
however if you pull it shut you need a key to open it from the outside but not the inside, which is how it is when we're at home during the day.

No - but I'd love a uPVC that did that I didn't know they existed. Our three - two back doors - all require you to lock from inside and out with key else it's unlocked and open able from both sides.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 15/08/2012 17:50

OTOH it's much easier to accidentally lock yourself out with our sort not that I've ever done that

CommaChameleon · 15/08/2012 17:50

OP if you just walk around naked all the time you might get more visits, not less.

cutegorilla · 15/08/2012 17:55

I'd go for hanging around naked, they'd get the hint then Grin.

FelicitywasSarca · 15/08/2012 17:55

I walk I to my mums house and occasionally my sisters (as she has a baby who knocking might disturb) but only if I have text before hand to say I'm on the way over, not at random!

This is rude.

But easiest way to stop it, is to lock the door I'm afraid.

garlicnuts · 15/08/2012 18:05

Get one of those motion-sensitive dogs or parrots! You could use PIR alarms (they're a bit cheaper) but it might be socially more acceptable to have a toy parrot going off when relatives walk in than a shrieking alarm.

This house is v. small and stuffy. I leave the back door open in good weather and the back is accessible from the street. I had to train my mother not to walk in whenever she's in the area (often) and had decided that, if it didn't work, I'd get an electronic barking dog Grin

Meowmi · 15/08/2012 18:06

Our door also requires a key to lock and unlock from both sides (not upvc)

I have an open doors policy for close family members but they usually let me know they are popping round. Anybody else has to knock.

If i dont want to be disturbed or if i am in on my own i lock the door. Especially as i have heard the door handle being tried by people delivering junk mail and a neighbour was burgled by someone letting themselves into her unlocked door whilst she was in the next room!

I too found the mum and sister of DD's friend letting themselves into my house on seperate occasions whilst looking for her, She wasn't actually here but was a shock to be confronted with them in my house.

I would never dream of doing this but thought that maybe it was just a culture difference so didn't say anything.