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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is worrying?

42 replies

PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 12:42

I'm worried about my friends 2 year old DS, And don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I hardly ever see her feed him, and when she does he gets something like a couple of chicken nuggets and oven chips. For example, when I went to see them I arrived at 10 in the morning, he had nothing until we had dinner at 5, when he didn't have what we had she gave him a few chicken nuggets and some chips. He had a bite then messed around so she let him down from the table. I guess if he's hungry he'll eat? But it seems really bad to me?

We are all on budgets but she definitely has enough for decent food, as she can afford other luxuries for herself. AIBU to be concerned or are some 2 year olds just like this?

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 14/08/2012 12:44

Well, it's not like you are with them all the time do it's hard to really judge.

nilbyname · 14/08/2012 12:44

You arrived at ten and had no lunch? What happened at lunch time? Do you have children, were they will you?

LadySybildeChocolate · 14/08/2012 12:45

Is he small for his age/underweight? Maybe he had a huge breakfast and wasn't hungry? You can't assume he's fed shit from one meal.

Original poster
PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 12:46

No not constantly but I see them a lot, that was just one example and other times were pretty similar. I have a baby so he had bottles, and she ate at lunch time but I'd eaten. Her son didn't.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/08/2012 12:46

2 year olds can be fussy little sods. Unless you are there for every meal time and know what sort of struggles there are I wouldn't judge.

If your worried then talk to the mother

usualsuspect · 14/08/2012 12:46

MYOB

NameChangeGalore · 14/08/2012 12:48

You'd eaten at lunch time? But you got there at 10? Seems like you're not feeding yourself properly either.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/08/2012 12:49

Is he small for his age or does he look malnourished?

10 until 5 is far too long to not eat for any age. Did he have anything to drink? Milk? Did she have lunch but not him?

Its hard to know as you arent there all the time, but if I had been there I probably would have been worried too so YANBU.

Original poster
PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 12:49

I'm really not basing my concerns on one day, any time I see them it's the same. I'm not too sure how he looks, quite skinny but I really have no experience with 2 year olds for me to know!

I understand it isn't really my business, but she's my best friend and maybe I could gently support her in some way. I don't know, maybe I should just butt out then!

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 12:50

I hadn't eaten at lunch time but before I got there, since I gave birth I don't have a massive appetite but have smoothies so I don't die!

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 14/08/2012 12:51

Just ask her if he usually eats like that. It's sometimes far better not to turn food into a battle, especially with a fussy eater.

LadyInThread · 14/08/2012 12:51

He sounds like a fussy eater to me. DS2 was exactly the same at that age.

You seem more bothered about the type of food than the quantity though.

ladyintheradiator · 14/08/2012 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiggleMoo · 14/08/2012 12:52

I suppose the crux of it is she offering him healthy food at regular intervals?
If she is and he is refusing, that can be typical of a toddler and she just needs to keep pursuing - not offering the food is a worry IMO.

HecateHarshPants · 14/08/2012 12:52

did he appear to be hungry? Ask for food? Seem interested in food? If not, then I think you can hazard a guess that he's not being starved, he just picks when he's peckish. He's probably a grazer.

If he seems to be wanting food but is refused it all the time and is really thin then you could always say something, but from your post, it didn't much seem like he was bothered.

small children often don't subscribe to three meals a day. They nibble when they're hungry.

If she has decent food, then I'm guessing she offers it to him too and he won't eat it. yes, chicken nuggats and chips isn't the best stuff in the world! But it's better to not get into food battles. Give them the stuff they'll eat and keep trying them with the other stuff too. In the end they'll probably start eating a better diet. But it's just going to be so stressful and possibly cause the child to have more food issues if you sit there trying to force stuff into them.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/08/2012 12:53

Sorry x post.

Did she offer him lunch and he just didnt eat?

If he was offered lunch then it sounds like hes just not that hungry. But if he wasnt offered any then I would be asking why.

Wingedharpy · 14/08/2012 12:53

I used to be concerned regarding my nephew's eating habits at around that age.
I only ever saw him eat cooked frozen peas and bread and butter.
I never saw him eat anything else.
He's 27 years old now and is 6 foot 2 inches tall, dark and very handsome and a lovely person.
It's probably just a phase and your friend does right not to engage in power struggles with her child over food.
As you say, if he's hungry, he'll eat.

Original poster
PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 13:03

He wasn't offered anything til dinner, but then I guess if he was hungry he would have eaten that? I'm not more concerned about the type of food than quantity, just worried that if he's hardly eating and when he does its crap he may get unwell.
Perhaps I will eat my words when my baby reaches his age!

OP posts:
LadyInThread · 14/08/2012 13:10

I think we all start off with ideals of children eating healthy, nutritious diets but, unfortunately, the little darlings have minds of their own Grin

DS2 spent almost an entire year living on tinned hotdogs and peas. I felt like the worse mother in the world. He was the only child I knew that you could take into a cake shop or sweet shop and he wouldn't even eat anything in there!

He's 17 now and will eat practically anything so, thankfully, it's just a phase.

justpaddling · 14/08/2012 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrispyCod · 14/08/2012 13:38

YANBU to be concerned. Maybe monitor the situation from a distance and maybe try and get opportunity to swap recipes, meal ideas with your friend. She just might need some inspiration and a helping hand right now.

Bumblebee333 · 14/08/2012 13:42

I remember my Ds was like that at that age. He would have breakfast (toast or porridge) and then wouldn't want anything at lunchtime, so i used to offer him a yoghurt or some bits of fruit or crackers. At which point he would eat the smallest amount of food ever. I was worried about him but i spoke to a few people who reassured me that it was nothing to worry about and he would eat if he was hungry. He still doesn't eat very well now in terms of what he will actually eat (he seems to have an issue with appearance and texture and i have to bribe him into eating things sometimes to to get past the 'don't like it' 'how do you know you have never tried it' argument) but the quantity has increased.

nokidshere · 14/08/2012 13:44

One of my neices went through a phase of eating nothing but cheese. My sister had the usual power battles with her for a while and then just stopped. She bought a block of cheese, cut it into cubes and then never mentioned food to her daughter - she just got the cubes of cheese when she was hungry.

It didn't last too long but she was always fussy right through to beyond her teenage years. Now she eats everything.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 14/08/2012 13:47

N-one should say you should not worry or have an opinion. But your concerns may be unfounded, as others have said.

OTOH. I had an extremely fussy eater, with a small appetite. we've worked hard up 'til this point to get him to eat a great range of stuff (he's 11 now). He never went this length of time without food though.

DeWe · 14/08/2012 14:03

I don't get hungry in the morning until about 1-2pm. If I don't have the stuff to eat, then I'll happily go until 5-6 before eating. I'd then have a big meal (by my standards). Dh hates that I don't have breakfast, but it really makes me feel sick.

Dd2 was very similar to me. Even as a tiny baby she'd refuse a breastfeed between about 4am and midday. Unfortunately she liked a feed at 10pm and at 2am.

At 2yo she ate very little-corn of the cob was the only thing I could guarantee she would eat. She would happily get to evening with only a mouthful of yoghurt and a piece of fruit.

In the last couple of years she's been growing fast (now age 8) and she will out eat the rest of the family. She's still very skinny, but that's on, say 2 wheatabix for breakfast, 4 slices of bread at lunch and a huge dinner.

If she was hungry though, she'd ask for it. She was worse if I kept offering food, so people would have said I didn't offer. However I'd make sure there was a little plate somewhere where she knew (but not totally visible) with a couple of sandwiches, fruit and other stuff on. She rarely had more than a bite or two off it.

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