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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is worrying?

42 replies

PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 12:42

I'm worried about my friends 2 year old DS, And don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I hardly ever see her feed him, and when she does he gets something like a couple of chicken nuggets and oven chips. For example, when I went to see them I arrived at 10 in the morning, he had nothing until we had dinner at 5, when he didn't have what we had she gave him a few chicken nuggets and some chips. He had a bite then messed around so she let him down from the table. I guess if he's hungry he'll eat? But it seems really bad to me?

We are all on budgets but she definitely has enough for decent food, as she can afford other luxuries for herself. AIBU to be concerned or are some 2 year olds just like this?

OP posts:
forevergreek · 14/08/2012 14:27

I wouldn't be overly concerned if this isn't every day and he didn't seem hungry at dinner either? But like others said maybe monitor

2 1/2 year old here hardly eat lunch most days. Today he woke, had large glass of milk followed by 2 portions of porridge around 8.30am, offered lunch but all he ate was a few pieces of chicken and some raisens but only with me pestering a bit. He may eat a snack later but will prob wait until dinner then eat

Goldenbear · 14/08/2012 14:55

I think you're right to be worried if he wasn't actually offered any food as this is very different to your friend offering small snacks knowing he's a fussy eater.

I have a friend who I worry about in the same way. Our boys are both 5 now but I've known her since they were babies. He was a really chubby newborn and became a skinny toddler. I understand this happens but she once said to me that often he only has one meal day when they're are out in the day and that they preferred he fell to sleep on the way home and they could transfer him to his bed than rush back to cook dinner for him. This still happens now though.

I saw her last week and we walked down to the beach with the boys and my DD, it got to 6 and I said I needed to go as they needed dinner but she announced ice creams which my DS obviously wanted. We had them and walked back to her house. It was about 6.30 and her DS always goes to bed at 7, she said to her DS that it was bath and bed as soon as they were inside so I get the impression that was dinner- an ice lolly! My DS is quite thin 2.8 stone but I'd say his friend is 1/2 stone lighter he just looks emaciated, pale. It is odd as when he is asked what he wants to do- activity wise, he always says something food related- wanting to go to the cake shop, a cafe or to get an ice cream??

BarredfromhavingStella · 14/08/2012 16:30

She's your best friend yet you didn't have a conversation with her about this or comment when she ate lunch & didn't offer him anything?? Hmm Sounds like a strange friendship really as I wouldn't feel uncomfortable commenting on this to a friend.
Anyway 2 year olds are, on average, PITA when it comes to bloody eating so please don't judge her for the type of food she is giving him at the moment-at least not until you have been there & done it yourself.

WildWorld2004 · 14/08/2012 16:37

I will not tell you that im making nuggets for tea tonight what a bad mother i am.

My dn has never been a big eater. He has his breakfast & then somedays he doesnt eat until the evening. Hes 4 & has always been like this whereas my dd is so greedy. Every child is different.

Goldenbear · 14/08/2012 17:11

Yes but the OP said that she is not concerned about the quality of the food but that her friend didn't offer him anything from 10-5, that is strange whether he is a fussy eater or not!

BarredfromhavingStella · 14/08/2012 17:42

So as her best friend why didn't she say anything if she thought it was worrying?
Food is a regular topic of conversation among my friends because, like I said, kids are sods when it comes to eating.

Goldenbear · 14/08/2012 18:01

It is sometimes difficult to say something that could be seen as criticism. It does happen, people do project their own food/ weight issues on to their kids, it is not always kids being picky IME.

I have another friend/casual acquaintance who is bulimic, I used to babysit her DD before I had DC. The woman never had any food for her in the house because she, the mum, did not want to gorge on food herself. I told her that this wasn't really acceptable as the child needed feeding regularly and this wasn't possible with little or no food available like bread, cereal, fruit even. She only kept dry food that she couldn't gorge on.

CuriousMama · 14/08/2012 18:08

Goldenbear that's very worrying re: little boy Sad

FartyMcTarty · 14/08/2012 18:13

My DD (2.6) has a rubbish appetite and won't eat any fruit or veg. Sometimes I think I might as well not bother, but I do always give her 3 meals. 3/4 of it is wasted. I can see where you friend is coming from tbh. Personally I think it's best to keep offering without forcing the issue.

GreenPetal94 · 14/08/2012 18:20

It may be that when you are over she doesn't bother fussing with snacks as she knows he's a picky eater, but she does offer more things when there are no distractions? Is he still drinking a lot of millk? I would tend to say just something casual and friendly, for example ask about his eating for your own future info.

My friend (she and her partner have some under-eating issues) did find out that to her surprise she was underfeeding her toddler. This was partly through the HV but partly from talking to me about how much mine had eaten at 2. She is actively trying to feed her children more now. The difference is though that they were eating what they were offered, but were being offered too little, whereas sounds like this little guy is not interested in chips etc.

CakeCrisis · 14/08/2012 18:22

Just a thought but did he have milk during that time? Some children rely on milk as a major food for longer than others.

Original poster
PandaFoot · 14/08/2012 18:35

wildworld I'm obviously not saying anyone is a bad mum for ever giving their child chicken nuggets, that's clearly not the point of my post.

Nor am I judging her, not in the slightest, just worried for her and her DS.

He had no milk but did have some juice.

I didn't approach the subject with her because 1. I have no experience of 2 year olds and am aware I may have no idea what I'm on about and 2. It's a hard subject to bring up without sounding critical. She is my best friend but tbh we find a lot of other things to talk about other than what our kids eat.

OP posts:
PicaK · 14/08/2012 19:16

Not sure what to make of the 10-5 thing. But can I just say that I too feel like the world's worst mother all the time cos my 3 year old DS is immensely fussy. The ladies who've said there's was too Have made my day a little easier.

My mil asked the other day why I didn't share my nice food in the fridge with my child. Didn't I feel guilty that he didn't get to eat it. When I think of the battles with DS and the endless discussions with HV and GP and consultant I could cry. it's a worry for me all day every day and I do exactly what i'm told by the professionals. I find it exhausting having to explain to everyone and in my own home I just object to having to go into it in detail.

Keep an eye out but tread sensitively

PicaK · 14/08/2012 19:20

theirs...

Goldenbear · 14/08/2012 20:09

CuriousMama, yes I wondered whether I was just being suspicious as of course toddlers are notoriously fussy eaters but they are five now and it seems as if she's just not fussed about tea. My DS was a fussy eater as a toddler but I have adapted to ensure he eats a variety of things.

I still don't understand why she wouldn't offer food, it seems very young to give up on him during the day, it's not like he's ten and she has no hope of feeding her fussy eater. At 2 he's not even going to ask.

jinglymum · 14/08/2012 21:08

Goldenbear, your post has made me really sad, if he looks undernourished I think it is cause for concern and maybe you should pass your concerns on,

To the op next time I'd just say oh does x not fancy any lunch?

CuriousMama · 14/08/2012 21:18

I agree with jinglymum re: goldenbear's friend's boy.

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