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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU? Me or DP? Raging.

28 replies

BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 20:14

D(huh)P has recently started a new job and has casually mentioned organising leaving drinks with his old colleagues. All vague, no dates.

I received my rota for next week and told him my shifts. He kicks off because one of the nights I'm working is the night he'd planned to go out.

I said 'sorry' meaning I was sorry it had worked out that way. He accuses me of being inflexible, not willing to change my plans for.him and not caring like a normal human Hmm

I told him I wasn't going to be made to be the bad guy. He's now huffing upstairs, hasn't come down for dinner and has barely spoken to DD Sad

Who is in the wrong? I need the MN jury's consensus.

OP posts:
Kaloobear · 13/08/2012 20:15

Well presumably you have no control over your rota, so YANBU! Surely he can rearrange his night out?

pjmama · 13/08/2012 20:17

How easy is it to change your shifts? Granted, he should have told you as soon as he knew what date he was going out and he's being a dick about it now, despite it being his own fault for not saying anything sooner. But if it's not too hard to change, then I would let him have his leaving do.

NatashaBee · 13/08/2012 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 20:19

It's not that easy to change as I've just been given a last minute weekend off due to a surprise visit from my Dad. Plus we're short staffed. It would be unlikely I could change it without some negative result for me.

If he'd just told me I'd have booked it off. Numpty.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 13/08/2012 20:19

Well if you have to work and he wants to go out, tell him to organise and pay for a babysitter. Try sitters.co.uk.

squeakytoy · 13/08/2012 20:20

Why not just get a babysitter then? (ie he can pay for it, as he is the one going out socialising)

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 20:20

I don't get to choose my shifts. I work 2 nights out of 3 every weekend.

Obviously he knows this Hmm

OP posts:
pjmama · 13/08/2012 20:22

Well if shift change is not an option, then he'll just have to grow up and lump it. Maybe next time he'll be more organised.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 20:23

I would never leave DD with a stranger, no matter how reputable.

Plus paying a babysitter would wipe out a large portion of my earnings for the night. Crappy pub job.

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum99 · 13/08/2012 20:23

How old is he?

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 20:28

Surprisingly, not 15 LEM. He's an adult.

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum99 · 13/08/2012 20:31

manchild Grin

MamaBear17 · 13/08/2012 20:36

Stick to your guns and tell him to arrange a different night. He is being childish - you are going to work after all!

ladyintheradiator · 13/08/2012 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 20:44

It's really pissed me off. He has form for getting angry at himself and taking it out on me, twisting reality till I question what's been said and myself Sad

He's still upstairs. I'm not apologising. FFS.

OP posts:
coppertop · 13/08/2012 20:55

So essentially he's annoyed because you didn't keep every single night free for the foreseeable future, on the off-chance that he might possibly have chosen one of those nights to go out drinking?

And now he's also sulking because he thinks that pissing money away is more important than earning money?

YANBU

You could point out that "...being inflexible, not willing to change my plans.... and not caring like a normal human" are also a pretty apt description of his current tantrum.

JustFabulous · 13/08/2012 20:56

You need to sort that "form" out.

Of course YANBU. You are working. He wants to go out on the piss.

Dragnipur · 13/08/2012 20:58

YANBU. Tell him to fuck off and grow the fuck up.

WilsonFrickett · 13/08/2012 20:58

^I would never leave DD with a stranger, no matter how reputable.

Plus paying a babysitter would wipe out a large portion of my earnings for the night. Crappy pub job.^

But he needs to find (and pay if necessary) a babysitter you'll both be comfortable with if it's him that's going out - not you. Surely.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 21:00

I don't begrudge him going out at all. We both work, we both have plenty of nights out (usually separately due to lack of family/sitters). My wages are supplementary.....could manage without.

He's still acting like a tool though.

OP posts:
epeesarepointythings · 13/08/2012 21:00

Tell him tough shit, he knows you work shifts and have little flexibility about changing them. He should have picked a date and notified you so that you could book it off.

MagicHouse · 13/08/2012 21:04

Of course YANBU. You have nothing to apologise for, but he does - shouting at you over something you had absolutely no control over (whereas like you said, he did in that he should have told you about the night out so you could have booked another shift). It's not as if you're going to be having a fantastic night out on the night in question either is it.
I think he should apologise.

AgentZigzag · 13/08/2012 21:11

Him tantruming and sulking has really put the kibosh on you even trying to see if someone will swap their shifts with you.

He needs to learn that stropping doesn't get other people to do what he wants or get him attention - funnily enough I'm teaching this to my 2.5 YO at the min.

Definitely don't apologise, you've done nothing wrong!

How long does he usually sulk for? It's good he's aware of how he's taking his own anger out on you, but he needs to listen to the warning signs of it starting and bloody stop himself.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 13/08/2012 21:20

I'm not engaging with him till he apologises. I've done nothing wrong.

I'm cosy on the sofa under a duvet drinking tea and watching Revenge...it's not so bad Smile

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 13/08/2012 21:22

He's being unreasonable...you're not a mind reader, if he didn't tell you the night he was going out then it's his mistake. If its casual leaving drinks should be easy to re-arrange.