To be cringing and wating for the kick back now, but annoyed that its going to come frankly.

[nosleepwithworry]

So my sister is an odd one. She is a very difficult, opinionated and quite caustic person. Always has been.

She has a ds. She litterally hates children, hates them. She tolerates her boy who is scrumptious, gorgeous but very quiet and withdrawn because of her and her dp probably.
(he is 10)
My ds is 9, complete opposite to my nephew, wild, boystrous, loud, a handful.
My sister cannot bear to be around my ds. We ahve had words as she firmly believes that there is something wrong with him, "that attention deficit disease or somesuch" were her actual words. She thinks we let him do what he wants and that is why he is so wild. (Rubbish btw, she just thinks kids should not make sound/move/speak/ask for anything etc)

We agree to disagree, i keep my boy away from her, she doesnt see him form one year to the next.

Anyhow, they do not take ther ds anywhere. He is very interested in electronic stuff, sorry i dont know the technical names for them, its those hand held computer game things. He is also a big reader. He spends most holidays in his room, doing one or the other.

We are very active as a family and i often invite my nephew to come on days out with us. I think he finds my ds too much, so often he says no, but occasionally will say yes and will come along.
He is very hard to read, i can never tell if he is having fun. He hides his feelings exceptionally well.

BUT there is always a kick back from my sister.

Either that her ds's behaviour is terrible when he has spent time with mine, or that it takes him days to recover, he is so exhausted and tearful.

I ADORE my nephew, and i like to think he has fun with us, while he is with us. So i keep inviting him.
We have just been away in a posh hotel (groupon bargain) and went to Cadbury world. He said he was bored, and we were due to come home any way, so piled into the car and hit horrendous traffic.
He got car sick, poor little fella, but coped well.
I know that i am going to get a mouthful from my sister about feeding him shit, causing him to be ill.....they gave out free chocolate and he wolfed some of it down. (I kept most of it, as it was just too much).

I want to tell her to fuck the fuck off, but i need to keep seeing my nephew and giving him a wee bit of adventure in his life.

Ranting like a ranting rant woman on rant island with no one to rant at for 10 years, sorry.
Im fed up with trying to do a nice thing and getting grief...but stuck becuase of my lovely nephew and my need to include him.

GAHHHHHHH!

I don't blame you :( I had a friend like your DSis, I always felt so awful for her poor DS. Wish I had some advice for you.

I think you are being very kind, and if you can grin and bear it and keep your GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH moments online you are doing very well!

He might like the science museum, @bristol or Bletchley Park if he likes computers.

Empusa you say you "did" have a freind like that...are you no longer friends?

I dont know where to start.

So I'm dragging you over to my sofa, shoving glass of wine in your hand and ordering in a foot masseuse, and if you are very very lucky I might let you loose with the pringles

have some deep breaths and big gulps of wine!

ahhh im up duff love, no wine for me but ta any way.

spose im tired and not in the mood for what is to come.

Im FABULOUS!!!! Thankyou!! nearly 16 weeks, the size of a bouncy castle and still gobsmacked that this is happening

No, her behaviour got much worse, to the point where we had to call SS. We no longer have any contact with her. I'm glad we don't see her, but I still worry about her DS.

Your nephew is very very lucky to have you, he'll remember all that you've done for him when he's older (and possibly cutting his mum out of his life!)

Ooh congratulations!

Thanks

I do hope that he remembers his adventures with us.
We have little secret cuddles (cos he is 10 and thats not what 10 year olds do apparently...too grown up)!! He pretends not to like them but throws himself at me when i ask for a wee hug.
He is just lovely and i find it fasinating how different he is to my DS his cousin.
Chalk & cheese.

I know how difficult it is to do the right thing as an aunt when it's thrown back in the face by the child's mother. We keep going because it's important. You're doing the right thing.

I am, i know i am, but it pisses me off that sis cant just quietly let us crack on without comment.

He sounds like my eldest and your ds sounds like my youbgest
My eldest hates crowds, too noisy places and takes days to get over a busy day (she does how ever have HFA so slightly different)
Your doing a great job and you are more than welcome to come and take my monsters out for the day

Fucking hell it must be all you can do to stop yourself from raging at her. I feel so sprry for the boy. This will severly effect him in adulthood, but his lovely Auntie , you, will minimise the damage. I think you are lovely, lucky kids they are . From a petson who had a lovely Auntie like yo and minimised my damage from abusive Father, .

It's because she's a dick, obviously ;) Can you perhaps quietly suggest that she says nothing in future?

Ahh soulsource that is EXACTLY why i do this, i had a saviour auntie when i was a kid, and i cant even think about what life would have been like without her....she literally saved my little life.

That poor poor boy! Why did she have a child if she hates them so much?! You sound fab. I wish I had some advice - why is she so horrid? What's she like with your parents etc? Does she have friends?

She has no friends as she hates people too.
She is a carbon copy of our mother. nasty. Sadly.
Think nephew was an accident, so she just carried on.
TBF she is quite good with nephew..only because he is so compliant and passive.

He is probably compliant as a self-defence mechanism.

Poor little boy.

...not that there aren't DC who are just quite biddible, but the combination of parent and quiet child in those circumstances are suspicious.

Well, my oldest is like your nephew, he is quiet and likes to be on his own (lego, books) and easily overwhelmed by crowds/noise. He also gets car sick, and would be really sick after eating choc, then in car.

My other son is like yours! So we always try to find a balance. but all kids are different.

But nothing wrong with a quiet boy liking quiet pursuits. I sometimes find other people's children too much, especially if they are used to have a child-centred weekend (there are still people who get kids to fit in with adults, rather than the other way around).

It sounds like you don't approve of your sister and try making a point. I am sure she can't be a horrible parent, is she?

maybe try to be a bit less "demonstrative" of your "superior" parenting?

I think that there is a large degree of my nephew just being naturally a quiet boy. He reminds me of us when we were children actually. But again, my mum was just like my sister is.

I know my sis doesnt take my nephew out anywhere because she cant bear other children being at kid type places. The noise and everything about them make her skin crawl.
She loves him, no doubt at all, but obviously finds the whole parentling thing too much.

Hmm, im not superior in my parenting skills, as i say, we agree to disagree. She is VERY opinonated about my son, has been since he was a toddler. I never comment about what she does becasue its so fucking hurtful.

She pisses me off. I rant on here, not to her.

i honestly dont know what to think about your nephew from your post. maybe he's quiet cos he's quiet. you seem v antagonistic towards your sister and i wonder does he see that... If he finds your son too much sometimes are you sure he's not being made to go to yours? I suppose you just seem so sure your such a better parent than her, it grates..