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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eavesdropping on teenage conversation.

38 replies

JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 18:14

Son (17) has a couple of mates chatting away in the back garden not very quietly I might add.

This is going to get complicated. Sons, best mates GF is discussing her BF cheating on her. The BF being sons best mate. She's 15, the BF is 18.

She's not sure exactly what this form of cheating took (kiss or a whole lot more) , I couldn't quite catch that bit, and includes gems like "I don't know why he did it, I give him everything he wants" .

Shes just come out with the line (to my son) "My mum says I should shag you (my son) to get even".

What sort of parent even suggests, even jocular, that you use sex to 'get even'? Let alone she's under age. And frankly, I'm glad my son has a little more moral back bone to (a) not do the dirty on his best mate (b) not touch an under aged girl anyway. (I have drummed it into him that anyone not legal could land him with a record as a sex offender)

I just "oi"'d out that I could hear every thing and I hoped GF wouldnt consider using son as he is also her friend. I also told her she shouldn't "give him (the BF) everything he wants" as tool to keep him and she should have a little more respect for herself and find a boyfriend who treats her more nicely.

AIBU to think it wasn't this complicated when I was that age.

OP posts:
lisaro · 13/08/2012 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster
JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 18:21

The BF and son are at college together - BF comes from a very strict family. GF was just waiting for BF to turn up so they can all go out.

She's actually a very nice girl, articulate, pleasant, chatty.

OP posts:
AuntFini · 13/08/2012 18:45

How can anyolne says she's a 'mucky little skan k'? She's 15 years old, sleeping with a grown 18 year old who has cheated on her- poor kid, He sounds awful, sleeping with a child. You should be concerned for her, not telling her to respect herself.

LastMangoInParis · 13/08/2012 18:48

mucky little skank? Confused Angry
She's a 15 year old child lisaro. Fucking hell.

lisaro · 13/08/2012 18:49

I agree re the 18 year old - that is totally wrong.
However, the things she's obviously proud of doing and the way she talks is, frankly, revolting.

larks35 · 13/08/2012 18:51

I don't think I would've let on at the time that I had eaves-dropped heard but would most definitely have spoken to son later to ensure he fully understood the law wrt legal age of consent!

coffeeandwine · 13/08/2012 18:52

Apart from the mothers contribution, it sounds like typical teenage angst.

Wingedharpy · 13/08/2012 18:54

And it's quite possible her Mum said no such thing but this was a 15 year old's bungling attempt at seduction!

Alameda · 13/08/2012 18:57

don't we still have the young man's defence in UK (England/Wales anyway)?

osterleymama · 13/08/2012 18:57

She's 15 Lisaro! I wouldn't call a grown woman a mucky skank for talking about having sex let alone a teenage girl. Jesus.

I wonder if her mother really said that, it sounds like something she might be saying to your DS for a bit of attention. Poor little thing, I'd keep a friendly eye out for her if I were you OP. Being a teenage girl can be horrible.

Original poster
JumpingThroughHoops · 13/08/2012 19:02

Seduction ????

looks for the fainting mother icon<

Son does understand implications of under age sex, we have a frank relationship, he's had what I would deem serious relationships since he was 14 (in excess of 12 or 18 months). I have no doubt some petting has probably gone on in at least one of his relationships, but I pulled him up on something 6 months ago and implied some sexual activity and he really went off on one and denied he's been the whole way. His moral indignation (I was worried because he was 16 & 8 months and his GF was 15 & 10 months) and he bluntly told me she was under age and he just wouldnt do that.

you can only hope you've given them the moral and emotional tools to cope

OP posts:
Back2Two · 13/08/2012 19:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Alameda · 13/08/2012 19:04

there are no implications for consensual sex between people of similar ages, even if one of those people is underage

unless you live somewhere with quite drastic laws?

NettOlympicSuperstar · 13/08/2012 19:05

'Mucky little skank'
Fucking hell, I'm outraged at that.

Nagoo · 13/08/2012 19:06

Wow lisaro :(

I think it sounds pretty standard to be honest.

I know a lot of parents want to be a friend rather than a mother (or father I guess). So this is the kind of thing that you would get. I think that there is an important line to be drawn between openness and inappropriate, and this girl's mother didn't draw it. Why can people understand that their cildren have lots of friends, they need someone to parent.

bamboostalks · 13/08/2012 19:09

muckylittleskank Why do women speak about one another like that? Horrid way to refer to a child. You should be ashamed.

lisaro · 13/08/2012 19:10

bamboo - I'd be far more ashamed if that was my daughter.

NettOlympicSuperstar · 13/08/2012 19:11

I was like that at her age, and my mother did parent, too much and wasn't enough of a friend, there's a balance I think.
What I needed was for her to hug me, and show me love, not throw money at me and make me seem like an inconvenience, all the time attending church and being such a lovely upstanding member of the community, whilst her daughter got a reputation, as she was desperate for love and tried to find it by sleeping around for years.
It makes me so sad now, and I hope DD never does the same.

NettOlympicSuperstar · 13/08/2012 19:12

And I have to say Lisaro, very few posts on MN truly disgust me, but yours has.

Wingedharpy · 13/08/2012 19:12

Sorry - I didn't mean to cause you to faint Jumping.
I was just meaning that compared to her cheating boyfriend, your son probably looks like a knight in shining armour.
It's hard being 15.
She's still learning.

VegansTasteBetter · 13/08/2012 19:23

lisaro

A 15 year old girl "giving an adult everything he wants" is a fucking depressing thing to hear. It implies she isn't doing everything because she wants to be doing it.

It's sad and it's abusive, it is not "being a mucky little skank" nor is repeating what her mother said (wtf regarding that as well)

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2012 19:24

I think she was probably sounding him out for an opinion. His opinion would have quite an impact. I hope he said she should dump his friend and look for someone who'd treat her with more respect and that she shouldn't do anything just to keep a man.

FrankieMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 13/08/2012 19:27

also ShockShock at 'Mucky little skank'.

Angry

What a vile thing to say.

I think intervening on a barely concealed conversation is OK. Especially where to not do, would perhaps in some way lead to regrettable actions......
I fully respect my sons privacy but if something is under my nose, I don't pretend I haven't seen/heard it........

Worst case scenario, better you say something than her have no guidance and wind up in a mess somewhere down the line because no one looked out for her.

Vagaceratops · 13/08/2012 19:27

mucky little skank

She is 15!!!!

phantomnamechanger · 13/08/2012 19:32

I hope when she is a bit older my DD is lucky enough to meet someone like the OPs son , who has strong morals and good sensible parenting, and not someone like his cheating friend

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