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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider asking for stuff handed on back as unexpectedly pg!

40 replies

giraffes · 13/08/2012 16:04

I lent my dh's cousin a lot of our big baby stuff - moses basket, pram, buggy, travel cot, high chair, changing table, cot-bed etc - I let him know that if it was still in good nick when they were finished we'd like it back to pass on to someone else..anyway, i'm very unexpectedly pg and would really like our cot in particular back...it was very expensive and i love it...their baby is 2 months old and has just started sleeping in it and i'm not due until march....would it be really wrong to ask them and what will I say?

OP posts:

nittyclitty · 13/08/2012 16:06

Difficult one. I would let them know you're pregnant and see what they say?

nittyclitty · 13/08/2012 16:07

Could you not use a moses basket for the first few months and then their child could go into a bed?

FeakAndWeeble · 13/08/2012 16:07

Eeek. I wouldn't, to be honest, you told him you'd need it back to pass it on, not use for yourself. So presumably he was under the impression that the stuff was his until he was finished with it.

I suppose all you can do is ask and at least you're giving him a heads up so they can save up for a new one for next year... But if I was his DP I'd be pretty pissed off. They probably had people offering to help out with stuff like that and said 'Oh no it's ok, giraffes is lending us hers.'

HecateHarshPants · 13/08/2012 16:07

Tell them that you're pregnant and say "but it's not due until march, so you should have finished with that stuff I lent you by then, no rush to get it back to me."

That's fairly clear

ChitchatAtHome · 13/08/2012 16:08

Just say 'OMG, I know I gave the stuff to you, but I'm pregnant again, which is a BIG surprise, and I was really hoping you would still have some of the things I had given you, especially the cot'.

Original poster

giraffes · 13/08/2012 16:08

oh yes..good idea...a bit superstitious due to previous mcs so will take some time i think..

OP posts:

FeakAndWeeble · 13/08/2012 16:08

That's true - as nitty said, could you not use the moses basket first off? Mine didn't go into a cot until some weeks old so presumably you wouldn't need it back in time for baby to be here?

honeytea · 13/08/2012 16:08

I think it would be a little unreasonable to ask for it back, but you could let them know you are pregnant and they will probably give it back to you.

FeakAndWeeble · 13/08/2012 16:08

Ah never mind. Hecate has it. Do that

FeakAndWeeble · 13/08/2012 16:09

Oh and congratulations!

Original poster

giraffes · 13/08/2012 16:09

feakandweeble - i actually wouldn't mind buying a cot from ikea for them instead - would that be very weird? they can keep everything else but i'd love the cot!

OP posts:

honeytea · 13/08/2012 16:11

thats a good idea to buy them a cot, or at least offer they will probably say no.

And I forgot to say congratulations :)

Bumblebee333 · 13/08/2012 16:13

I would ask for it back. If i were them once i found out you were pregnant i would offer it back anyway. you paid for it and you want it back, it's yours not theirs and is only a loan in the first place.

olympicbelle · 13/08/2012 16:13

Good luck. I 'lent' a former colleague a moses basket complete with all bedding and a year later asked for it back. No response, deleted from facebook and never heard from her again. Really upset me, wouldn't have loaned it if I'd realised she wouldn't give it back.

Original poster

giraffes · 13/08/2012 16:15

ok cool and thanks. fingers crossed this little flicker of life turns into an actual cot-dweller this time!
And yes do realise lending things is a bit of a minefield but they're skint and our stuff pretty nice so was glad to...

OP posts:

lisad123 · 13/08/2012 16:16

I would tell them your pregnant and say "if you have finished with the stuff by then I really would like it back if that's ok".

OhTheConfusion · 13/08/2012 16:17

Congratulations!

I would struggle to ask for the things back, especialy considering the baby currently using the items is 2mths old. I would suggest you tell them you are pregnant and see how they respond.

Do you know if they could afford to replace it all? What do you plan to do about the pram etc?

Original poster

giraffes · 13/08/2012 16:18

their baby won't even be a year old by then, so they will still need most of the stuff! WIll I really have the balls to turf a nine month old out of its bed?

OP posts:

FeakAndWeeble · 13/08/2012 16:20

Ah I think offering to get them another one is really nice. And I can't see that they'd actually take you up on it because it is so nice and reasonable. Anyway, they always knew they had to give it back and I would have thought it would make sense for them to get one that will turn into a little bed for when s/he's older.

Original poster

giraffes · 13/08/2012 16:20

Not sure about the buggy etc...they won't need the pram or moses basket by then anyway. I feel the only thing i really want is the cot, don't mind not having a changing table or travel cot anyway...

OP posts:

Megatron · 13/08/2012 16:22

I would do as others suggested and let them know you are pregnant (when you feel comfortable telling people of course). I would feel bad about asking for it back to be honest biut I'm sure they will offer it back anyway.

velbels · 13/08/2012 16:23

A similar thing happened to me my sister had given me everything and with 3 months to due date announced she was pregnant (were not planning no needing any of it again!) I gave it all back straight away and found stuff elsewhere.

PicaK · 13/08/2012 17:47

Myself, I would wonder if the good karma I created from passing on stuff had been "rewarded".

Cots (even expensive ones) are replaceable but good family relationships are not.

Breathe deeply and let it go - don't be soured by brooding about this. You may even find that they offer the stuff back.

DublinMammy · 13/08/2012 17:52

Wait and see if they bring it up when you tell them you are pregnant. If they are decent people they will offer to give it all back to you once you need it. If they don't offer then I think you could reasonably ask for it yourself. But do give them the chance to offer....

YellowDinosaur · 13/08/2012 18:02

Do those of you who don't think she should ask for it back would really not ask for any of that back? You'd replace a cot, pram, change table, high chair and the rest rather than explain the pregnancy was an accident but obviously you'll be needing your stuff back once your own baby arrives? Our household income is above average but there's no way we could afford to buy this sort of stuff twice!

It was explicit it was a loan in the first place not a gift. In my opinion they were lucky to be able to borrow it all in the first place and if they were funny about giving it back I'd be pretty cross to be honest.

When you get to the stage of announcing your pregnancy just explain that it wasn't planned and obviously you'll need your stuff back. No need to buy them a cot unless you really feel the need to.

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