to consider asking for stuff handed on back as unexpectedly pg!

[giraffes]

I lent my dh's cousin a lot of our big baby stuff - moses basket, pram, buggy, travel cot, high chair, changing table, cot-bed etc - I let him know that if it was still in good nick when they were finished we'd like it back to pass on to someone else..anyway, i'm very unexpectedly pg and would really like our cot in particular back...it was very expensive and i love it...their baby is 2 months old and has just started sleeping in it and i'm not due until march....would it be really wrong to ask them and what will I say?

in terms of karma, I wonder if in a weird way this pg is the karma...having had 3 mcs and pretty sorrowfully thinking the only one of 'our' babies that might need the cot again would be a grandchild, it was almost cathartic to just let go of all the baby stuff out of the house. I genuinely thought I would not be able to have any more children, and so this pg is really unexpected and I so want this baby to sleep in the same cot as his/her sibs did. I wonder does anyone else find it hard to let go of their baby stuff..

I can't imagine anyone not asking for their own stuff back when they need it. It was a bonus for your cousins to get the stuff in the first place - they would have had to pay for their own otherwise. You aren't costing them money - just not saving them money anymore!

Why should you pay for 2 lots of things so that someone else can avoid paying anything at all?

You are not being silly wanting to use your family cot again, and nor should you feel bad for wanting to use it again. Iwould just tell them (when you are ready) that you are pregnant and I am sure they will offer the items back anyway (most people would).

I would however tell them as soon as I could to allow them time to save up as all the 'essentials' are expensive. My DD is 11mths and tiny so still using her first size car seat, pushchair (too small for a buggy) etc.

ohtheconfusion - that reminds me, I gave them our car seat as well! I'd feel very mean asking for everything, so yes maybe just telling them I'm pg when I feel safe enough is the way to go. And I'll definitely offer to get them a cot - or even just buy one for them. I never gave away the baby clothes as too sentimental about them!

I thought I was done so passed all our baby stuff on, am now pregnant again

I think it is UR to ask for it back as it was given not lent so if people didn't hang on to it they may feel awkward IYKWIM
I'm just hoping that the hand-me-down Kharma comes back, but I'm not expecting the SAME stuff back, I'm just hoping for STUFF back IYKWIM

It's funny how we are about this stuff. I have given our moses basket to my sil and then to my bil. They are basically alternating birthing babies (well my other sil is, not actually bil!) and we have completed our family. If I was expecting again I would want it back. Our cot is on loan to friends atm and I do expect it back at some point. It's just a cheap Ikea one but perfectly serviceable. The Bugaboo I had for dd3 is in the garage and is staying there till my sister has dcs. That's very much a this year/next year/sometime/never question but I've found I cannot bear to do anything else with the pram. I would have loaned it to my in laws but not to anybody else and I would insist on getting it back. I was explaining this to sil and mil (who were lovely) and found that I suddenly couldn't speak, just cried all over them. This is because my sister was widowed last year. She's two years younger than me and has a lovely boyfriend now so maybe. Point is - it's not just a pram. It's a lot more than that. It's a dream and I expect your cot is the same. Might be an idea to tell your cousin's wife that. I think it's something a mum is more likely to understand.

northernlurker - I completely get where you're coming from, it is a dream - or at least some stuff is....very sorry for your sister, how awful to be widowed so young.
Although my (much) older sister when she was moving house ten years before I had dcs called me to tell me that she had lots of baby stuff for me for the future if I wanted it but I'd have to put it in my attic! I didn't take it, it would be just too weird to me to have all the baby regalia and no thoughts of having a baby!

My sister in law lent me a few things and then got pregnant soon after. We gave them back and bought our own. You'll be fine, OP. abd congratulations!

I think ok to ask for stuff back, don't specify the cot in particular. I would just say in a joking type way, just found out I am pregnant, so don't pass any of my stuff on, and I'd like it back when you are finished with it, and then wait and see what they say.

It's very likely that when you 'announce' your preg to other people they will ask if you kept you baby stuff (assuming it's a while since your last dc). Once it becomes known that you gave it away, you will doubtless be offered other stuff. Hopefully someone will pass on another cot and you can then negotiate a swap with cousins.

If this doesn't happen then I would be honest with cousins & say you don't want to leave them in the lurch and aren't too bothered about the other stuff but would like the cot back. Agree with other posters that you should give them a chance to offer first. In fact give it a couple of weeks after they know about the preg before you raise the subject.

And HUGE congratulations!

I'm pg for the first time and have been given/loaned some amazing things by so many people. I'm completely overwhelmed by generosity, and not due for three more months!

If any one of those people needed it back, i would hand it over in a heartbeat and buy my own.

It would be nice gesture to offer to pay towards the cot of their choosing as a Christmas present for their dc if you can afford that, but i would see it as courtesy not necessity :)

By the time your baby is out of a moses basket theirs could be sleeping in a toddler bed. Id just let them know that you will need it back when yours outgrows its moses basket.

I was in a similar situation with my sister. My baby is a year younger than hers and I lent her everything. Carseat was ok and clothes, toys as due to the age gap her baby was out of them when I needed them. The only thing I really wanted but didn't get back was my cot. I ended up borrowing one from a friend. I wasn't prepared to upset her by demanding it back (and offering her my friend's one) but I WAS upset that she didn't offer. Her baby has just moved out into a bed and at last I have my cot back, it feels so 'right' now in the nursery

Same happened to me with a good friend - I got pregnant and she gave me loads of stuff, then she unexpectedly got pregnant and I was delighted for her and immediately gave her everything back. It is so easy to get free/cheap baby stuff, there will be no problem I'm sure. Congratulations on your wonderful news.

but their baby will be out of the moses basket by then and will be 1.5 by the time you need the cot (if you are out of the moses basket before then maybe a crib or as you plan offer an alternative that they can keep ).Am sure the pram will available by march as they could use the buggy till you needed that. The highchair and the changer might be tricky but if you were attached maybe offer replacements.

it would be pretty shit of them to be arsey over working it out with you after you've been so generous and are offering to buy them alternatives.