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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 yo DS and laptop

39 replies

3teenhell · 13/08/2012 13:24

He has a laptop that i insist having administrator rights on and also put parental control prgramme on to block certain aspects of the internet.

He says i am controlling and he should be trusted

i say he is a child ( don't think he liked that) and i will maintain control over this.

made worse as ex updated his laptop and did none of this so apparently he trusts him ( DS argument) more likely the twat has no cares what his son could come across

So am i evil controlling dragon??

OP posts:

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 13:31

Umm hell no

I have parental controls on my sons ps3 poid for once a year, kaspersky parental thingy on this lap top, which will tell me that mushrooms on the tesco website is a drug ffs overkill which is the family joke now.

His phone is checked ad hock and any moaning it goes for a day or two, facebook is banned and he knows the reasons for that. He knows I trust him i'ts others I dont trust. He goes more or less where he wants when he wants, is anti drinking and smoking and I ferry him and maites around at the drop of a hat if called for, this is his pay off for me being an over bearing resposible parent

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 13:32

sorry bloody spelling

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 13:33

and to add, laptop is always in the front room never up stairs.

Original poster

3teenhell · 13/08/2012 13:37

phew thanks Guilty feel better now.

How old is your DS? I think i may show DS this thread to convince him i am not alone!!

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 13/08/2012 13:40

Hmm, I think that gradually you need to let them take control of their own lives and safety on the internet.I think banning FB is a bit daft too.

My DS was very internet savvy though so could probably get around parental controls anyway

McHappyPants2012 · 13/08/2012 13:49

tbh i would trust a 13 year old to use the internet without parental control...but i would have pop up blockers

Denise34 · 13/08/2012 13:49

He is going to look at porn whether you like it or not.

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 13:52

My son is 13, he was a target at school in yr7, and was -still can be a bit sensitive-- he was bullied a lot, facebook to me is the devils play ground I have seen the damage it can do, he was exposed to porn at 10 by a silly cousin of his. This resulted in sleepless nights, some horrible nightmares, and I had to sit by why my child struggled with this nightmare in his head for months. By the time a visit to CAMHS was arranged he was through to the other side and on the mend.

he knows because of these issues why I do what I do, he is a well adjusted empathic teenager who puts family first whinges like a girl is a god on the PS3 so he thinks is just under 6ft and scrumptious, and because it is illegal to beat the shit out of someone elses child these are the things I can use to keep him safe. he understands this sometimes respects it, sometimes hates me for it. But as the saying goes, if you hate me just once for being a decent parent, then I have done my job, I am not your mate I am something better.

Mama1980 · 13/08/2012 13:52

I have a 14 year old dd she is allowed to use the iPad/laptop without parental controls but she uses it in the living room and I have all her passwords. Haven't had any issues so far. As for fb she is on it but I am a friend and have her password, she and her friends just use it to swap photos and homework stuff mostly. I figure she will use it anyway do I might as well have her use it with my knowledge and participation.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 13/08/2012 13:55

My DSs (12 and 14) don't have their own laptops but have access to the family ones. I'll admit we don't have parental controls on them so to a certain extent I have to trust them, but tbh they can only use them in the front room (not allowed to use them in their bedroom) and we'd always be able to see what they're doing. They both have facebook too, but have to have me as a friend so I have an idea what's being posted (plus I know their passwords)

So we're controlling too, just in a different way

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 13:55

I agree denise, the problem for me is, were not talking playboy which i view as quite vanilla, I am talking about the vile stuff that passes for normal now.

Kids at a certain age can handle it better, but on the whole it damages and can normalise behaviours us as adults would have huge concerns about.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 13/08/2012 13:57

Denise34 That's a bit of defeatist attitude surely? I'm pretty sure my DCs will see and do things I'm not happy with, but that doesn't mean I give up and make it easy for them.

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 13:58

Son has a Blackberry is on bbm dont get me started on that and is on twitter, he prefers his x box and ps3, he also gets to stay up late at weekends as long as he keeps the noise down, school nights off it at 9, then reads his Kindle or is on the phone etc.

I might sound controlling, but he does have a lot of freedom, and I do trust him.

Original poster

3teenhell · 13/08/2012 14:13

hmm a range of views then.

yes he will look at porn at some point but why should i make it easily accesible to him, and some of the stuff out there is not what a normal sex life entails at all. there is some very stuff around.

TBH if my son showed a little bit more maturity i might think differently, but he is still quite child like in some way ( apart from kevin the teenager grunting)

OP posts:

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2012 14:18

3teen mine does the arm swinging, he is hours of fun to me and dp sometimes I'm so funny he ends up laughing, which must be awful to be honest lol

Original poster

3teenhell · 13/08/2012 14:45

we do occasionly call DS1 Kevin he loves it really

OP posts:

iggi777 · 13/08/2012 16:01

Have you seen the ad (I think it's on Childline wwbsite) about the girl going off to her room with the laptop? The point being made that most parents will ask who/what/when if teenager going out for the night, but don't realise they are still 'going' somewhere when they use the computer.
Urnbu, it's to be expected though that your ds will try it on.

zippey · 13/08/2012 16:40

I think its great that you can keep him disciplined like that. My outlook is he is only 13 and he has plenty of time when he is older to have free reign about what he does with his laptop.

A bit like him living in your house, so he has to abide by your rules. You paid for the laptop so he needs to use it by your rules.

Original poster

3teenhell · 13/08/2012 16:43

Thats exactly it. My house my rules! Just wanted to know if over the top really

OP posts:

lemonpie7 · 13/08/2012 17:49

He doeswn't have to do anything "wrong" to be vulnerable and at risk, it is your responsibility to protect him, so keep the parental controls on, and check it!

StuntGirl · 13/08/2012 17:53

Not overkill at all. I think it's insane when parents have no clue about their child's online activities. My parents allowed my nieces to have their own password locked profiles on the family computer when they were about 10 and 11. Not a fucking chance in my house.

zippey · 13/08/2012 22:05

Some parents wont care about what their kids do with their laptops. You do care, I think thats great. He is starting to want more independance, and what he is saying isnt entirely wrong. I think you will get a lot of moaning just now, but I wouldnt be surprised if he takes your lead when he has children of his own.

Socknickingpixie · 13/08/2012 23:27

any child under my roof can only have access to mobile phones and internet connected devices if they are not passworded and its in the knowledge that i will make random regular checks. facebook is banned. they know what type of sites are banned and understand that the lose the privalige if they break the rules

Original poster

3teenhell · 13/08/2012 23:39

Thanks Zippey, makes me feel better. Moaning has stopped a bit tonight thankfully!!

OP posts:

CatholicDad · 14/08/2012 00:21

Guilty: you sound, if you don't mind me saying, just a bit over-involved and controlling... Do you think that could be a fair observation? Not sure why you would give a child a computer if you don't trust him to use it without becoming psychologically damaged...?

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