12 year old DD (nearly 13) looking after younger siblings (9 and 6) whilst I'm out on driving lessons/test, would appreciate your advice/feedback.

[soberton]

Hi
This might be a bit convoluted but I'd appreciate your advice/feedback so please bare with me whilst I explain.
I have been taking driving lessons since the spring (it will help with my new job in the long run). I normally only do them in school hours/term time so childcare has never before been an issue. However I have my test looming soon (Fri 24th and am worried sick about it), I have 3 lessons booked before hand - tomorrow 12pm to 2pm. Fri 10.30am to 12.30pm, next Thurs 10.30am to 12.30pm, and then the the next day. I guess I was hoping that DH could alter his shift pattern for work but infortunately that's a no-go, work's very pressured at the mo and their struggling to cover other peoples hols etc as it is. I now wish I'd post-poned it to Sept when school starts again!
I have 3 daughters, the eldest is 12 (13 in Sept) the middle on is 9 (10 in Sept) and the youngest was 6 in March. Eldest has looked after her sisters perfectly well when I've left them before (but I've only been to local shops, say 10 mins away, and I've always had my phone in my pocket) and she has been home alone on inset days when I've had to work - she is in secondary school, has her own front door key so she can get in when I'm working and has been fine, I've phoned/text during day and all has been ok. I have set rules that she doesn't answer the phone (let answermachine click in & take it, or use her mobile) or the door. Spare keys are hanging up in the kitchen and close friends & neighbours in the same road are only a phonecall away.
My worry is, is it fair to leave her to look after her sisters while I'm away on driving lessons? She said that she's happy to do it, I would pay her some extra pocket money or she's after a new phone for her b/day next month. DH reckons that should be enough of an incentive! It is only two hours tops (staggered between 9am and two pm). They'd all be fed before I left & I can sort lunch on return. My instructor always does double lessons (covers a wider radius, 20 miles or so) and as my test is at 10.14am on the Fri he said he'd pick me up at 9 ish (am dreading it, currently living on Kalms tablets & rescue remedy). Is it fair to leave my eldest in charge of the younger two during this time (friends have said if she wants to do it they're on the end of the phone if needs be), because obviously I will be out of town/incommunicado? Also what are the legalities?
I hope this makes sense.
TIA

Seems sensible to me so long as you are confident that the younger children will be good for their sister. I'd have done it with mine. Good luck with your test.

I honestly don't think I would be able to concentrate. I know you feel confident so will react differently to me.

Forgot to say I currently work 3 or 4 days per week during school hours, and collect the younger two from school on my way back home. Which is why the eldest has her own key - her school is in a different direction and finishes earlier. She just lets herself in watches tv, goes on laptop etc. Until I get back, if she wants to visit friends she always waits until I get back to ask an then I know where she is.

I would leave a 12 year old if she's as sensible as you say. Maybe the 9 year old. No way would I leave a 6 year old, and it is too much responsibility for the 12 year old. You're not talking nipping to the shops here. It might not be the done thing, but why not take the younger two with you for the lesson? Driving with kids in the car is what you'll be doing when you pass the test!

Could you take the younger two with you, as passengers in the car?

I have a very responsible 14 year old ds, but I am not sure if I would leave him in charge of 9 year old dd for that long, and especially when I would not be contactable . Like you, I have left them for shorter periods, but would be very wary of leaving them for longer.

Don't think its fair on the 12 year old especially, to be honest.

I'd let her for the lessons, if you get a text from her you can always cut one short - but I'd arrange for an adult to be there during the test, just so it's one less thing that could potentially be on your mind.

I think that she's old enough to babysit at that age, and it sounds like you trust her with the responsibility and have back up in place etc.

Yes, to be fair, that is a BIG responsibility for your 12 year old

My DD (nearly 13) is very sensible EXCEPT when it comes to her brother (10). She bosses him and he reacts badly to it. If your 2 younger would be OK for her, and if she had an adult she could call on if necessary, then I would go for it, otherwise I wouldn't. But as others have said, you might find it offputting if you are worrying about them.

I think if your daughter feels confident, and has an adult to phone in an emergency, then that will be absolutely fine. My Ds1 (13) minds DS2 (6) for the odd hour, and enjoys the responsibility. Although biscuit consumption seems to increase rapidly during these times...Good luck with your test!

I wouldn´t tbh.

But that´s because I don´t think that older ones should have to be responsible for younger ones.

I assume there are no neighbours or friends that they could go to?

I´d happily leave the oldest one "home alone", though.

Take the others?

i think it is too much for the 12 year old to look after a 9 year old and a 6 year old for 2 hours

Not for two hours I wouldn't. An hour at a push but not the two. I think it's more the 6 year old than the 9.

Could you arrange for the 6 year old to either come with you on your lessons or for her to go to a friends house for the 2 hours?

I suppose if she isn't making them
Dinner or taking them out then it'd be fine. Stick a film on, get a duvet all on the sofa.

• take your phone, tell her to text of theirs an emergency & you can pull over on a quiet road - not during your test, though!

Good luck!

If you have close friends on the same road could they babysit?
It's up to you, you know your children best.
My DSis used to make me tea (beans on toast / sandwich) after school until our mum came home ( couple of hours) when I was 9 and she was 13.
6 is still very young but you know them best and if they get on ok. It's only a couple of hours... But I'd call in some favours first.

I wouldn't with my 13 year old and nearly 9 year old, they would kill each other.

You know your dc better than anyone else and are best placed to judge whether your eldest will be able to control cope with your younger dc.

Give it a test run for your driving lesson tomorrow and take it from there.

Whether your eldest daughter is up to the task and your younger two won't mess her about is incidental.
You don't sound that comfortable with the idea so imo, you will be stressing about it while on your test which won't help matters at all. If a tester catches you glancing at your phone, if it rings during the test, or is even on display you will fail before you even start the engine.

~ I would suggest taking the 6 yo with you for your remaining lessons if your instructors insurance will cover it. Not idea but you will be doing it for real soon enough.
~ Arranging a babysitter for the actual test. You will need to drive to the test centre which may be further away than your usual route, it's quite common to have a short lesson beforehand to settle you in, so all in all you could realistically be gone for 2-4 hours.
You should give yourself the best chance at passing it, you'll have to take more lessons if you fail so the cost of babysitting (or bribing a local neighbours teenager to watch films for a few hours) will be totally covered.
Best of luck. :)

i would, and just have done this.
my 12, nearly 13 yr old ds has just looked after his little brother 5, while i had a 2 hr lesson.
they both have strict instructions, when i go i take my phone, and the instructor keeps hold of it for me so he can answer it if needed. and i spoke with him to make sure we always stay within a 20min return journey at the most.

My 14 yr old is picking my 5 yr old and 11 yr old up from holiday club in 30 minutes and taking them to the cinema. Yours is a bit younger but should be fine if they're staying at home and normally get on well.

DOn't leave it to just the eldest - bribe all three. Get in a DVD and some popcorn.

Tip off the neighbours and ask one to pop in at the half way stage.

If you have a neighbour / friend nearby who could get to them within 5 minutes in an emergency then I would have no hesitation doing this.

Actually thinking about it, my friend who is a paediatrician and his wife who works in SCBU (I mention their jobs as they would be considered "responsible" parents by most) have children similar ages and their eldest has been looking after the youngest for a couple of hours here and there - including during the evening.

Take the youngest two in the car with you, it's what will happen once you pass your test.