12 year old DD (nearly 13) looking after younger siblings (9 and 6) whilst I'm out on driving lessons/test, would appreciate your advice/feedback.

[soberton]

Hi
This might be a bit convoluted but I'd appreciate your advice/feedback so please bare with me whilst I explain.
I have been taking driving lessons since the spring (it will help with my new job in the long run). I normally only do them in school hours/term time so childcare has never before been an issue. However I have my test looming soon (Fri 24th and am worried sick about it), I have 3 lessons booked before hand - tomorrow 12pm to 2pm. Fri 10.30am to 12.30pm, next Thurs 10.30am to 12.30pm, and then the the next day. I guess I was hoping that DH could alter his shift pattern for work but infortunately that's a no-go, work's very pressured at the mo and their struggling to cover other peoples hols etc as it is. I now wish I'd post-poned it to Sept when school starts again!
I have 3 daughters, the eldest is 12 (13 in Sept) the middle on is 9 (10 in Sept) and the youngest was 6 in March. Eldest has looked after her sisters perfectly well when I've left them before (but I've only been to local shops, say 10 mins away, and I've always had my phone in my pocket) and she has been home alone on inset days when I've had to work - she is in secondary school, has her own front door key so she can get in when I'm working and has been fine, I've phoned/text during day and all has been ok. I have set rules that she doesn't answer the phone (let answermachine click in & take it, or use her mobile) or the door. Spare keys are hanging up in the kitchen and close friends & neighbours in the same road are only a phonecall away.
My worry is, is it fair to leave her to look after her sisters while I'm away on driving lessons? She said that she's happy to do it, I would pay her some extra pocket money or she's after a new phone for her b/day next month. DH reckons that should be enough of an incentive! It is only two hours tops (staggered between 9am and two pm). They'd all be fed before I left & I can sort lunch on return. My instructor always does double lessons (covers a wider radius, 20 miles or so) and as my test is at 10.14am on the Fri he said he'd pick me up at 9 ish (am dreading it, currently living on Kalms tablets & rescue remedy). Is it fair to leave my eldest in charge of the younger two during this time (friends have said if she wants to do it they're on the end of the phone if needs be), because obviously I will be out of town/incommunicado? Also what are the legalities?
I hope this makes sense.
TIA

I agree about getting a neighbour to be 'on call'. We had the neighbour's 14yo son babysit for 2 hours last week. I was 5 mins round the corner , DDs are 5 and 1, he has a baby sibling. His mum was at home, if he needed help, and that was the clincher for me. I had no qualms about his ability to be responsible and engage the girls. It was just the worry of how he would respond to an emergency of a kind he's never experienced in his teenage life. Until you live through it, you never know what panic will do to your responses.

It obviously depends on the child. If you think your DD is responsible enough and there will be no arguements etc, then I would say yes, but only if there is a neighbour they know and can contact in an emergency/if they need to.

I left DS1 to babysit his younger brothers from age 12 if my next door neighbour was in and knew he was on his own with them, but I wouldn't leave DS2 who is now almost the same age in charge of his younger brother, as he is just not as grown up/responsible at the same age.

I used to babysit for several families when I was 13, often babies and was always perfectly fine.

i think sometimes these days we maybe don't gvie children enough credit for what they are able to do and most like the chance to earn some extra pocket money.

I don't think there would be any problem with this, OP - that's high school age for your oldest - and not far from your second oldest. I used to look after my younger brothers (three of them) - and the gaps between us were much like yours. Define who's in charge - tell your oldest whatever they need to know, ie. can they call next door if they need to, what they can have out of the fridge - and plan a nice treat for you all when you get home.

Good luck with your test... don't worry!

I think its perfectly fine, assuming the 6 and 9 year olds aren't too much of a handful.

I've left my three 13, 10 and 9 for about an hour alone over the holidays so I can walk dogs/get some food in etc. they all know the rules re phone/visitors etc and what to do in an emergency. However they're all very mature and get along well (mostly). I get a few phone calls usually asking if they can eat something theyve found - often cake.

I'm be more concerned about the younger one but you have to make a decision based on how sensible they all are.

i have left my ds1 who is 13 next week with ds2 (10) and ds3 (7) not for as long as two hours but in principle yes i would. depends on the children, i agree a dvd and popcorn and someone to contact in emergency a neighbour etc and should be fine :)

My then 13 DD looked after her two younger siblings whilst I was at work regularly. I put strict guidelines in place, left sandwiches/fruit ready in fridge and allowed unlimited TV. Wasn't ideal but they're all still alive and undamaged.

There is no legal age to when you can leave them alone. It is when you deem they are sensible enough.

When I was 13 I used to look after my 8 year old sister and 3 and 4 year old brothers. This was babysitting in the evenings until late at night. I was living with my dads ex at the time, he had moved out and didn't know. It stopped when he did find out though.

I would say a couple of hours in the day at the ages they are would be fine really. Just make sure they have someones number who they could contact if they needed to.

I have started leaving my 13yo DS and my 6yo DD alone for short periods of time (max 20-30mins).

She is now old enough to follow the rules and understand why it is important and the implications if she doesn't (no more being treated like a big girl and she'll have to come with me to pick DH up from the station/get milk from the shop). DS is very sensible, well maybe not 'sensible' but he follows rules to the letter and knows where to go in the case of emergency.

DD is the savvy one and would know when an emergency had occurred!

I leave my very nearly 13 year old son to look after his siblings (9 &7) for short periods of time and think it is fine to do so. When I was his age I looked after a little girl for 3 or 4 hours at a time in a paid capacity. As long as she can contact you if there is a problem .

I think it is absolutely fine. It is not as if she is expected to babysit while you do an 8 hour shift. FWIW, when I was 12, I stayed with a friend the same age whose mum left us with a 9 year old and a 3 year old while she went to her part-time cleaning job. I have a feeling she took the 5 month-old baby with her, but I am not completely sure she didn't leave him too.

Good luck with your test, BTW.

I agree with everlong - it depends a lot on the children's relationship with each other. If they will quietly settle down in their rooms/watch TV, I can't see any problem. If they are likely to start locking each other in cupboards and flood the bathroom, then you might want to think again.

(However, if the second case would be more likely, I assume it wouldn't even cross your mind to you to leave them on their own).

If she is sensible and wouldn't beat the other 2 up (just thinking about my own kids, albeit boys) then I think they will be fine.

I didnt think you were allowed to take children with you on driving lessons? Due to the case of there being an accident.

I looked after younger siblings for a couple of hours 6.30-8.30pm once a week fron aged 13, younger ones were 11 9 and 3

it was fine, there were neighbours if an emergency never needed if your 13 year old is sensiblr and fairly mature go for it, the younger ones need to be told that just while you are away theri sister is in charge and what she says goes

i would do that

if there is a bad report after 1st time well you will need to pay someone

Thank you for your replies everyone - I really appreciate the feedback, thinking about what other people would do.
I have spoken to my friend (in the same road as me) this afternoon and she has been a real treasure and offered to have the youngest two 9 and 6 down at her house to play with her own just turned 11 year old. Even if she needs to pop out quickly, those are days when the grandmother will be in the house looking after her daughter anyway and doesn't mind. She assured me that as her daughter was an only child she'd jump at the chance of company (and get her off the tv/pc). I'm happy that my eldest (nearly 13) is quite sensible enough to be home alone (she's got phone numbers of trusted adults nearby) although because she had anticipated earning money babysitting she's not altogether happy that plans have changed. I've sat down with her and explained that I have no qualms about leaving her and 9 year old at home but would be concerned about the 6 year old. The older two are quite independant and capable (if anything the 9 year old sometimes shows more common sense!) I've suggested that she could still earn money babysitting for us when DH and I are not too far away from home eg less than the 15/20 miles (as in driving routes) and we'd be able to get back quickly if necessary. Alternatively I've suggested she could always do some vacuuming/housework chores for me to help if she really wanted extra pocket money - I don't think she finds that idea so glamorous, but we'll see (she wants an expensive phone for half b/day half xmas present, so she knows she's got to be responsible and earn it). I feel really lucky to have such a good friend that could put my mind at rest and step in to look after the girls (youngest in particular!), have also had a good 'pep talk' from her - "it's a driving test, it's not life threatening, just treat it as a lesson, go with the flow, and if not lucky this time just re-apply. So many things just get out of proportion when you do nothing but fret about them, but they're all consuming when your in the middle of them! Thank you everybody for all your answers.

I was babysitting for other families at 12. Of course I'd done a childcare and first aid course, but 12-13 is definitely old enough to look after kids.

Glad you got it resolved, at least you wont be fretting and distracted! may be you could offer to have the 11 yo around sometime, if her Mum wants to go out, I'd love to have that kind of relationship with someone who lived that close.

Good luck with the test!