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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with DH over this (trivial)?

40 replies

MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:01

So, I have just started up a new business and am just about to have a baby. I am not making much money at the moment but I am hopeful that I can build up the business over the coming months.

So, I have run out of stock. I have to buy the stock from overseas and the postage is very, very high. It just so happens that MIL will be coming to stay with us in a few days from overseas, and I could therefore order the stock and have it sent to her house, and she could bring it with her. So, minimal postage.

However, when I approached DH about this, he put a range of obstacles in the way (as he always bloody does!). First of all he ignored the question. Then he said he wasn?t sure when she was coming. Then he said she might be going somewhere else before she came here. Then he said he didn't have her number. Then he said maybe I should order different stock. And on it went. He is always like this. If he doesn?t want to do something, he first ignores the request then puts all kinds of obstacles in the way. I know he doesn?t want to put her out (her needs always trump mine) but I will have to pay about 300 pounds postage to get the stock here and I just can?t afford it.

He keeps suggesting that I wait until my friend comes over in the beginning of September, as she will be putting an order in for the same stock and we can share the postage costs. But what about my clients until then? He is blaming me because I should have sorted it out last week, but I really didn?t think it would be such a big deal to ask MIL.

I am so annoyed with him. I don?t have MIL?s contact details, so can?t even ask her myself. I know she doesn?t like me, maybe that?s why he doesn?t want to ask her. But we are having a baby in a few weeks and money is very tight, so I would hope that she would want to be a bit supportive.

Sorry for the winge. I suspect I might be being ABU somewhere, but I?m not sure.

OP posts:
danteV · 13/08/2012 06:05

Yes he should be supportive.
But if mil doesn't like you and he thinks she will say no, maybe he is trying to avoid a 'situation'.
What he should be doing is resolving the problem your mil has.
However if your mil does this, will their be import tax to sort out? Is it the type of thing she can bring in without any hassle.

savoycabbage · 13/08/2012 06:05

I would say it depends on how much it all weighs and practical things like that. I never ask my Mum to bring a thing when she is coming to stay with us. She is in her 60s and although she is as fit as a fiddle I don't want her having to carry extra things or deal with extra luggage.

AKissIsNotAContract · 13/08/2012 06:07

You've put (trivial) in your post and the problem doesn't seem trivial to me at all. Do you think your DH doesn't want your business to be a success? It sounds like he's trying to make things hard for you.

ripsishere · 13/08/2012 06:08

I suppose it depends, as savoy says on weight and bulk of the items. OTOH, how would you have managed had she not been coming?
I suspect I find myself firmly planted on the fence with this one.

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:15

He does want my business to be a success, but he has this habit of not dealing with things. If something is going to cost money, or is difficult, he will dither and dither and put me on ignore until it is too late and nothing happens. I hope that makes sense.

She will be getting a lift to the airport, we will be picking her up this end, she doesn't need to lift anything, there is no import duty. If (unlikely) she was charged an overweight charge, we would obviously pay it.

If she doesn't bring it, then I guess I will just have to pay the 300 quid Fed Ex cost. But we don't even have a bloody pushchair yet, and our baby is due in a few weeks...

OP posts:
Kiwiinkits · 13/08/2012 06:15

Yes, he should be supportive, but this isn't much of a business until you sort out a business model in which stock is delivered in a cost-effective way. Have you got a delivery solution lined up, such that involving MIL is just a temporary interim measure?

Kiwiinkits · 13/08/2012 06:19

I know how frustrating relying on someone else to do something can be. Take things into your own hands and talk to MIL yourself. This might be a bit blunt (sorry) but you sound like you're making excuses. It's an excuse that he's not contacting his mum. It's an excuse you don't have her contact details. So stop making excuses and get on with it. My mum had a saying, "if it's to be, then it's to be me".

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:20

It is a very organised little business, believe it or not. Cash is a bit tight as it is early days and my business partner left the country suddenly, so I am on my own.

I honestly did not think it would be a big deal to ask her. I honestly didn't. Although I guess I should know better by now.

OP posts:
danteV · 13/08/2012 06:21

I am pretty sure that is something is being brought in to make a business (money) of there are taxes included and these items need to be declared.

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:22

Take things into your own hands and talk to MIL yourself.

I'm too scared to Sad. Is that absolutely ridiculous?

OP posts:
danteV · 13/08/2012 06:23

Depends on why you are scared?

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:25

There is a lot of bad feeling. In spite of me falling over myself to accommodate her and be nice, she doesn't like me. DH won't have it, of course.

I am so fed up Sad

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 13/08/2012 06:27

What dante said. There are rules about importing for business and if you don't follow them you will be caught at some point and fined or worse.

And is your baby due UN a few months or a few weeks?

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:28

Hi Tee2072, I don't live in the UK, so different rules apply. The baby is due end September. Did I say 'months' rather than 'weeks'? Gosh, that was wishful thinking Grin

OP posts:
danteV · 13/08/2012 06:31

Where do you live? Being taxed on products for business is pretty standard practice world wide. Or st least i thought it was.
For FedEx to charge that much sounds like its bulky or has some sort of tax on.

TanteRose · 13/08/2012 06:32

it must be frustrating, and it would certainly be nice if your DH cooperated or you could feel confident enough to ask MIL yourself etc.

But in my opinion, with the family situation as it stands, you don't want to start having to feel "commitment" to her

I think you should just suck up the expenses yourself - that is how it is with businesses in the early stages, you have to pay money to make money.

Sort out the costs yourself, and then when the rewards start coming in, you can say that you did it all by yourself Smile

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:38

Yeah, I know you're right TanteRose. I had hoped to get the pushchair this month, but I will have to prioritise the postage for the stock, I guess. It's 300 quid. Then again, maybe I should prioritise the pushchair, but then I can't work without stock.

I feel like I am on the verge of a major tantrum Angry

OP posts:
TanteRose · 13/08/2012 06:42

well, you don't actually need a pushchair yet,get a sling - tiny babies are very portable Smile

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:47

I guess we could manage with just a car seat. I worry about carrying it, though, as I have serious back issues. I suppose it wouldn't be too heavy in the early days.

OP posts:
EMS23 · 13/08/2012 06:50

Your DH's general attitude is a separate issue IMO.
Asking your MIL to import goods for you is unreasonable if she's not willing. It's irritating to be asked to carry stuff for other people when travelling and in these times of ridiculous airport security etc.. she's within her rights not to want to.

But you don't actually know if she wants to or not because your DH won't ask her.

FWIW, I'd leave it and pay the costs. It's a cost that has to be built into the business long term anyway.

Softlysoftly · 13/08/2012 06:53

Forget all that my question would be why on earth are you allowing a woman that doesn't like you into your home when your baby is due?

Tee2072 · 13/08/2012 06:54

Yes, you said months up thread and then weeks. So I was confused. Grin

And I would agree that all countries have rules about importing for sale, so really you should find those out if you're going to do this. FedEx probably fits that into the charge for shipping. But if MIL goes through customs she may pay a huge fee or even have the things confiscated!

Pay for shipping.

Tee2072 · 13/08/2012 06:55

Also, I'm assuming your price to your clients includes these shipping charges. If they don't, then your business will never be viable.

Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:55

Yes, you're right EMS23. I can't help resenting it, though. I really cannot afford the postage. I am so annoyed about all this. Part of me feels I have no choice but to close the business until things improve.

OP posts:
Original poster
MalibuStacy · 13/08/2012 06:56

Tee2072, you are making a few too many assumptions. I don't sell things, I provide a service, for which I need stock. I also live in a tax-free country.

OP posts:
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