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AIBU?

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Original poster

I know I was stroppy, but was I unreasonable?

30 replies

Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:06

My son's godfather was not, in my opinion, a brilliant choice as it has turned out. He is a very old friend of mine, more than twenty years, and I am fond of him, BUT...

Since my older son was born, he has sent two birthday cards (1 and 3 years old) and one present (10 years old; present two months late). He very rarely asks about son 1, we speak on the phone maybe once a month. He does, however, like to carry a photo of my older son around in his wallet, and tells people all about how he is a godfather to Cathycomehome's son, and it's such an honour he takes so seriously Hmm.

Anyway, he sent me a text cancelling meeting up at very short notice, and then another saying "By the way, did I forget X's birthday?" .... And I texted back "Not this one...."

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 12/08/2012 20:08

Dunno, what do you expect from a Godparent? I thought it was supposed to be about spiritual guidance, not birthday cards.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:10

Yeah, spiritual guidance, but he has shown almost zero interest in my son, and actually, I don't think a birthday card is too much to ask, really.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 12/08/2012 20:11

Sorry to say it but I'm like this with my godson. I love him to bits and I'm really proud, but both me and his mum have busy lives. It doesn't mean I wouldn't do anything for him.

He might be the same?

DamnBamboo · 12/08/2012 20:11

Are you religious? This is important, since it lets us know of your expectations of a godparent.

If you're just somebody who had a chirstening and assigned a godparent for the sake of it... well that changes everything.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:13

Well,I don't know, it would be fine if he asked about him when we talk, or showed an interest in his education or life, or once in a while asked to see him - we only live about an hour away, and he is still in my home town, I often suggest meeting up if we're coming to see my parents, and he often has a hangover so forgets....

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:14

I am religious to an extent, or I wouldn't have had the Christening, I hoped he would be a good role model who my son knew well, if you see what I mean?

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 12/08/2012 20:15

Cathy, I don't mean to offend or anything, but nothing you've mentioned so far has anything to do with being a Godfather.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:17

What, showing an interest in the child?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 12/08/2012 20:17

Well then, your expectations aren't unreasonable.
A card would be nice, and I really hate to say it he's a man and they often don't remember stuff like that.

I only asked about the religious aspect of it because many people do it for the party!

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:20

So, do you think the text reply was unreasonable, or just stroppy?

OP posts:
PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 12/08/2012 20:22

So he hadn't forgot the most recent birthday but lots of others, hence not this one?

It's not unduly stroppy but I'd call it a day there, as you made your point!

To be honest he sounds like me before I had a baby! You just lead a different lifestyle.

wheresthepopcorn · 12/08/2012 20:23

I am assuming he down't have kids? The reason I am asking is that I didn't really think about things like that until I had kids so could it just be that he is young and single.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 12/08/2012 20:24

I think it was a bit stroppy and unreasonable.

Does he have his own children? He might just be out of touch with what you're expecting. Why not say that instead of sending a message he probably won't get? I mean, if he doesn't pay attention to your son's birthdays he probably won't even understand you were trying to be pointed.

Kladdkaka · 12/08/2012 20:30

I think the problem is that you have different expectations of what being a Godparent involves. According to the Church of England it's 'about helping a child to come to know God, encouraging them in their spiritual life and supporting them in their membership of the local church'.

joannajo12 · 12/08/2012 20:31

my brother and his then wife are my sons godparents

neither of them have so much as sent a card or christmas gift, even though they are family let alone done anything vaguely spiritual

shrugs, does it bother me? no does it impact on my sons lives, no not at all

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:41

I don't know how how could have done any of those things though, Kladdkaka, without ever seeing him or asking about him, or speaking to him on the phone?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 12/08/2012 20:43

I think it was unreasonable.
If he is not doing what you thought he might, or indeed as you think he should be, you should speak with him about it not send shitty text messages.

Kladdkaka · 12/08/2012 20:44

Do you and your son go to your local church? Does his Godfather?

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:47

Oh, sorry , I missed posts, no, he doesn't have children, but he's not really young, he's 38. I think the annoying bit for me is that he goes on about how he's so honoured to be a godparent and yet doesn't even ask about my son. I've never mentioned the birthday cards but for him to ask if he'd missed X's birthday "by the way" got on my nerves a bit.

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 12/08/2012 20:47

Well does he know what you want of him? Does he know what he is meant to do? Is he also a christian?

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 12/08/2012 20:47

My son and I do, my partner doesn't, godfather doesn't.

OP posts:
Kayano · 12/08/2012 20:51

I think god parents just don't do what they used to.

It's more of a title/ popularity contest now a days.

Kladdkaka · 12/08/2012 20:52

Is there anyone within your church who could take over the role of godfather? Maybe with some sort of blessing?

Kayano · 12/08/2012 20:52

Also I it was me
I wouldn't have waited ten years I be annoyed by this. Words would have been had on the first missed birthday

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 12/08/2012 20:52

My goddaughter has had 4 presents from me. 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 16th birthdays. Her parents moved when she was three and we lost touch. I found out her Dad lived down the road from me not long before her 16th birthday. I gave her a charm bracelet for that. Didn't get a thank you! We are friends on facebook, she knows I am here for her as I have told her a few times. Her DM is chaotic, her DD moved miles away some time ago. Probably a bit crap as a Godmother, but have had no control over it.