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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is being U, me or ds1, cant decide which is worse?

59 replies

tittytittyhanghang · 12/08/2012 15:40

This is semi light hearted :)

Me having to share room with dc2 (20 months) or sticking him in with dc1 (12).

Ds1 doesn't one to share room with ds2. For a start he has lots of things in his room which ds1 makes a bee line for (think pc/xbox/tv) and it would be a nightmare to keep ds1 away from and they'd probably get broken at some point.

Ds2 also is still having his daytime nap and obviously goes to bed earlier than

OP posts:

MrsKwazii · 12/08/2012 16:59

I shared a bedroom with my sister for years with over six years age difference between us. But Mum and Dad gave us the larger bedroom and we had space for our own stuff in our own spaces and it was a place to play too. Like other posters have suggested, could that be an option? And is the bigger bedroom large enough for a stud wall so that it can be turned into two spaces for each boy to have his own room, even if they'd be fairly small?

Original poster

tittytittyhanghang · 12/08/2012 17:02

jenner, dont think dp would be keen on bunk bed, athough i guess we could pretend we are in the mile high club!

OP posts:

BonkeyHasGOLDMollocks · 12/08/2012 17:04

Could you not get a bunk bed with a double at the bottom and single on top?

You could cage your ds in

Original poster

tittytittyhanghang · 12/08/2012 17:10

knowing what ds2 is like he'd be trying to jump from top to bottom, especially if he knew we were in bed! ds is only 20 months and i hear him rattling off the sides of his cot at night, so no doubt would fall out of a normal bed!

OP posts:

JennerOSity · 12/08/2012 17:11

Titty

Showmethemhappyfeet · 12/08/2012 17:11

I am so shocked at the responses here! Dont have kids you don't have space for? 2 kids sharing a room (as long as they are of the same sex) is totally normal in my family/friends! There were 8 and 1/2 years between my older and younger bros, never any question of them not sharing a room. why do people think the 12 yo is so hard done by?

firawla · 12/08/2012 17:14

you have to keep ds2 in with you i think, not really fair on ds1 to share while ds2 is so small and into breaking things. once ds2 is a bit bigger it will be alright for them to share.

JennerOSity · 12/08/2012 17:19

Could you get a storage box for the breakables that ds1 can keep his stuff in out of reach of the toddler?
Then they can share without a crisis.

buggyRunner · 12/08/2012 17:26

After April housing benefit will only pay for 1 bed between 2 children under 16 of the same sex irrespective of the size of it. This will become normal

I would put them in together but perhaps delegate a section of your living space/ desk under stairs or something for ds1

NarkedRaspberry · 12/08/2012 17:33

What time will the 20 month old be going to bed for the next few years? Because from that time your 12 year old loses his room. I'd get used to seeing a lot more of him in the evenings

DeathMetalMum · 12/08/2012 17:47

If your eldest has somewhere they will able to do coursework and revise when it comes to his gcse's then it is fine to make them share. I had to share with my toddler brother around this age as my sister was given her own room so she had a space to study. When it was my turn for exams I was then given my own room for the same reason. When my sister lived back at home after university for a short time, she had to share with my brother. It probably would have made more sense to make me and my sister share however my mum decided to do it that way round and I understand.

NagooingForGold · 12/08/2012 17:51

what about the downstairs? Do you have a separate dingin room?

NagooingForGold · 12/08/2012 17:51

dingin?

Original poster

tittytittyhanghang · 12/08/2012 17:53

no, have a small flat, two bedrooms kitchen and sittingroom. No extra space whatsoever. The reality is that we need to sell and move. In the meantime, i guess its me and ds2 sharing.

OP posts:

AllPastYears · 12/08/2012 17:54

Definitely DS2 should sleep with you. What is DS1 supposed to do when DS2 is asleep but DS1 wants to spend time in his room? As someone said above, kids spend far more time in their room than adults do. And does DS2 always sleep through? Does he wake up early and disturb other people? If so, this should be your problem, not your DS1's. You chose to have another child, DS1 didn't choose this - you should put up with the inconvenience, not him.

JennerOSity · 12/08/2012 18:04

Hope you get chance to move soon. :)

GhostShip · 12/08/2012 18:06

He's going to be a teenager soon. Those years are hard enough without having to share a room with a baby.

He needs privacy, he needs to be able to keep his belongings safe, and he needs to be able to get some sleep with them exams come.

YABU if you make them share the room.

My friend shared a room with her baby sister for a good few years and she hated it. Couldn't have friends round, couldn't leave her stuff out...

ILiveInAPineapple · 12/08/2012 18:06

Sorry, but I am with showmethemhappyfeet here.
It doesn't matter if ds1 asked for a sibling or not, he is the child, and it won't actually kill him to share a room with his brother!
It happens with a surprising regularity amongst my group of friends, as many seem to have at least 3 children, and none of their children are traumatised by sharing.
A really good friend of mine had a 16 yr old boy, a 3 yr old boy and a 1 yr old girl who doesn't sleep. The boys share, as the girl is up about a million times a night. They manage just fine.
I am sure your DS1 will moan, but he will just have to get on with it.
Maybe you could invest in some kind of cabinet with doors that he can put his Xbox etc in if that will be a problem?

Other option is to look at putting up partition walls to remodel the bedrooms into three bedrooms.......

mockingjay · 12/08/2012 19:15

Why is it gender more important than age Showme? Just interested to hear you response because I'd never really thought of it as a clear line like that. If the OPs DS1 was a girl, would it then be a no go?

honeytea · 12/08/2012 19:27

How about you give DS2 your room and get a sofa bed and you sleep in the living room, then everyone has their won space.

DontmindifIdo · 12/08/2012 19:37

If you are planning on moving soon ish (as in, the next 12 months) then keep the current situation.

Even then, I'd say not put the boys together just yet.

Showmethemhappyfeet · 12/08/2012 20:54

Oh Sorry I meant just because it's not recommended for kids of opposite sex of a certain age to share rooms. In the eyes of social housing for example (I don't have one so not sure of the exact details but my mum used to) I think kids of opposite sex are only allowed to share up until 10 or something? After that, the gov would be required to give you a 3 bed house. (as I said some of that may be not quite right, it may be younger/older than 10 but I'm sure it's around that)

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 12/08/2012 22:41

Normally I'm all for kids sharing rooms (and I have 6dc so it's a necessity here ) but I think it would be really unfair on your ds1 with the age gaps as they are

As you said at 20months he will be into everything and your ds1 can't be expected to protect his stuff or supervise him all the time, and you point about the room being off limits to him when ds2 is asleep is a good reason against too

I would keep things as they are until ds2 is older

Sorry if I've missed and you've already mentioned this but could you and DH camp out some nights on a sofa bed in the living room for a bit of privacy? We also at one point had a little area in our room curtained off around the cot so we didn't disturb the dc that was in with us

RillaBlythe · 12/08/2012 22:47

You can get double bed high sleepers btw, dp had one when I first met him

Socknickingpixie · 12/08/2012 23:44

showme according to a training course i went on many moons ago. it used to be the law that a male and femail sibling couldnt share a room if one of them was over something like 7, however in recent years (by recent years i mean 20ish) that if you were in social housing that changed to age 10 but apparently became a rule to do with the amount of rooms you were entitled to as apposed to actually saying they couldnt share because the previous law was not to do with housing it was to do with a different type of offence.

ofcourse the trainer could have been spouting flannel to highlight her point as sometimes they do repeat mass belived legends as fact but i remember thinking it was intresting at the time. im now sorley tempted to plough through my old housing law books just to see.

op i wouldnt want a 12yo sharing with such a younger sibling.

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