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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that friends hubby is a complete arsehole !!

77 replies

lilmamma · 11/08/2012 22:32

she gave birth after a difficult 12 hour labour,biggish baby 8lb 13oz,came home next morning and had no baby milk,he drove her the supermarket and told her to go in and get it as he didnt know what brand she wanted etc,very sore and tired,she went into large supermarket,walking round and collasped and badly haemorraged,and was took away in an ambulance :(

OP posts:
Original poster
lilmamma · 12/08/2012 22:10

birdsgottafly,who said her eldest child had left home ?? can you not be foolish if you are older ??? I was out putting washing on the line after giving birth several hours earlier,whats that to do with anything ??? and what does it matter where her other children were ??? I was only sticking up for someone which obviously a lot of you wouldnt do,judging by the replies,must be wonderful to be perfect :)

OP posts:
mrswoz · 13/08/2012 01:20

OP - at least she was in a public place when she collapsed - if her bloke had gone out for the milk and left her at home, she could just as easily have haemmorhaged while she was at home alone with the other DCs, would they have been able to summon help/call ambulance in time etc?

Wouldn't you have vilified him as much, for going out to get the baby milk, and leaving her alone while she bled to death Hmm don't think he could have got it right whatever he did, poor fucker!

Hope your friend is recovering well now :)

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 13/08/2012 01:54

She would have hemmoraged (Yes, I know that's spelt wrong) regardless. A short walk into tesco does not cause a hemmorage.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 13/08/2012 01:56

Also Mrswoz makes a good point. He couldn't win because she would have still hemoraged. If hed dropped her home and gone to get milk there's a good chance she'd have collapsed while holding the baby. I think its better it happened in tesco.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 13/08/2012 01:57

Not sure why I assume supermarket = Tesco

sawseesaw · 13/08/2012 02:34

Oh god, did I really just waste my time reading all that. OP, please chill out, go and see your friend and just be there for her - you obviously care a lot about how she's getting on. Maybe you could help out.

BTW... Not liking the class-ist insults one bit. So unnecessary.

danteV · 13/08/2012 02:52

OP yabu, because you actually have no idea what happened l. You have heard from someone else.
I took dd shoe shopping in the afternoon, after having ds in the am as she had snapped the fastening while I was in labour.
I felt fine and you friend may have too.
Yabu to get angry at people because they don't agree with you.

Cabrinha · 13/08/2012 08:42

I've never heard the term "baby milk" before. Perhaps that was the issue? The husband may have even like me. If your friend had said "can you nip in and get some formula" this might never have happened!

icecold · 13/08/2012 09:33

BTW... Not liking the class-ist insults one bit. So unnecessary

and yet, they keep on coming...

spartafc · 13/08/2012 09:33

I don't think YABU, OP. I think if one of my friends told me that this had happened to them, I would be very sad for them.
I don't know why you're getting such a hard time - it's very odd.
Lots of people feel fine after giving birth - I did myself, I came home and made our dinner a few hours later - but as you say, your friend was 'very sore and tired' and maybe would have appreciated a bit of kindness. I think that's understandable.

danteV · 13/08/2012 09:36

Because her friend didn't tell her this.
Theis is a 3rd hand interpretation.

spartafc · 13/08/2012 09:44

You know on forums, you never really know what the actual truth is. But it's ok to just respond to the info you're given. The OP has been ripped to pieces, it's strange.

songbird33 · 13/08/2012 09:47

I didn't have any milk either as I knew I wanted to breast feed and I was told that having formula in the house would make it tempting to turn to it if I wanted to stop.

AmberLeaf · 13/08/2012 09:48

What a bunch of tossers some of you are being!

Oh and correcting spelling mistakes especially when its obvious what thje word is is considered bad form.

spartafc · 13/08/2012 09:55

I didn't have milk in the house either, or nappies, or babygrows or a baby coat. My DH got them on the way to picking us up from the hospital. I don't think it's that unusual, really, it all depends on your circumstances.

danteV · 13/08/2012 10:00

Who ripped her to pieces?
Who has responded disregarding her information?

spartafc · 13/08/2012 10:04

The first two pages are full of 'I don't believe you' then she gets called 'Vicky', then there's the 'fake tans, tracksuits and croydon facelifts' comment. Then there's just various 'well, I was fine when I had a baby and therefore this is nonsense' type comments.

icecold · 13/08/2012 10:05

I agree spart --really weird

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 13/08/2012 13:12

Not all of us have ripped her to pieces.

She is being unreasonable because she is blaming the OPs husband for something he could not have prevented. The woman would have hemmoraged weather she was in bed, in the supermarket or frigging sky diving.

She may have felt perfectly fine, or she may have kept quiet if she felt off and not told husband. She may have wanted to go herself! Niether of them knew she would be ill.

M0naLisa · 13/08/2012 13:36

When ds2 was born I left hospital and went straight to tescos. Ds2 wouldn't feed from me and as I'd planned to bf I didn't have milk in so first stop had to be super market except my Dh came in with me and made sure I was ok. Why couldn't he have gone in with her

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2012 13:42

Why couldn't he have gone in with her

Because she might not have wanted him to

Because she might not have wanted the faff of taking the baby out of the car and putting it back in again.

Because she might have thought nipping in the supermarket was quite a simple task...just as the OP decided to hang out washing several hours after giving birth.

The truth is no-one knows...not even the OP.

So to call the guy an arsehole because his poor wife haemorraged...and when you only have 3rd hand info from someone who wasn't even there at the time, is really quite crap.

RubyFakeNails · 13/08/2012 13:44

Some of you are being such bitches.

However, I don't really think he's that much to blame, only she knows how she feels, I went to the supermarket the same day of 2 births and was up and about doing lots after the other. If I had felt unwell which I imagine she did I wouldn't have been doing those things. He might have been a bit thoughtless and insensitive but an arsehole no.

Lucyellensmum99 · 13/08/2012 14:02

I hope that the OPs friend has recovered from her haemorrage (EXCUSE MY SPELLING). That she is getting support from her family and friends.

The OP got flamed not really because of what she said about the DH but because, when it was pointed out to her that she should wait until she hears the story from the horses mouth, she turned into Vicky Pollard with her resposes. Actually called someone a dog - made my day so it did.

Original poster
lilmamma · 13/08/2012 18:46

Iam only going to comment on this once more,Thankyou for the people who have been kind,my friend is much better now,and was out with the pram today,it was 3rd hand as such,her daughter came up and told us what had gone on,he is a arsehole in the way he treats her,not just because she went to the shop,and not because of what happened after,just my caring hubby wouldnt have expected me to be running round a supermarket,after a difficult delivery,i didnt think i would have to explain every tiny detail of what went on,it was just a comment..well if it gave some of you a bit of entertainment so be it,and vicky pollard,ive been called some things in my life,haha actually that is funny,but couldnt be further from the truth,better than being compared to a dog i suppose :)

OP posts:
bogeyface · 13/08/2012 19:06

Blimey, the nest of vipers is thriving isnt it?

I am horrified about how utterly horrible some of you are being. I am glad I didnt go to your school Hmm

FWIW, i think that the H does sound like an arse.