to be pissed off my OH has bought a £400 bicycle

[MyOtherNameIs]

Hi,

First post, but long time lurker.

I am fuming. My OH has just sprung it on me that he has taken it upon himself (while I am away for a few days nursing my sick mother who has had surgery on a broken leg) to buy a brand new, silly expensive bicycle.

Context
We live in Central London. The man who does no exercise at all, thinks he will cycle to work. I expressed a concern, as there are very many cyclists who get into serious accidents around our end due to the high volume of traffic and buses. I said I didn't want a phone call telling me he'd been scraped up off the tarmac, when really cycling would save no more time than taking the bus.

He says I'm paranoid. I accept I am, but as it isn't a need, I can't understand why he particularly wants to do it over getting the bus.

Anyway, while we are not completely strapped for cash, we haven't been on holiday this year, and if I had a spare £400 kicking about, it would be nice to put it towards a break for both of us or something.

It's not all about the bike (though I do wonder about the safety), but the fact that normally we consult eachother about big purchases and any concerns, and he seems to have waited for me to go away to do it. He has never done anything like this before.

I'm worried about it getting stolen, the insurance, him actually cycling, him eventually getting bored of it - if he had bought a cheapy second hand bike and was sticking to the commute, I would be ok with him getting the more expensive one.

AIBU to feel completely disrespected as I wasn't consulted about the purchase and/or about him cycling in central London?

Do you consult him about everything you buy?

YANBU that he should have consulted you before making a fairy large purchase

But YABU to tell him he can't ride a bike to work.

Denise34- we both put the majority of our money into a share account for household expenses, and keep a little money aside, and the rest into savings. For anything over £100 in one go, I always give it a casual mention to make sure he has no particular objection, but anything under that we don't really discuss. Hence it being out of character for him to spend £400 without us talking about it. I'm stunned.

Obviously can't really comment on your financial system, but as a keen cyclist, your OH has just done a wonderful thing. Cycling will really change his (and hopefully your) life. he'll be fitter, happier, and will save money in the long run

£400? You got off lightly. He could have paid that for the front wheel alone.

I would be pissed off about the lack of consultation, but pleased that he is attempting to get fit. Think of it as a cheap gym membership.

I don't think she's told him he can't cycle to work, merely expressed
a) concerns for his safety - which she accepts are a bit paranoid, and
b) concerns that he's just expecting to dive into the daily commute, and buying such an expensive bot of kit with no consultation.

OP every couple is different and if you feel disrespected, bring it up with him. I would be really, really pissed off.

YANBU that he should have consulted you before spending £400.

YABU about him cycling to work. It's fantastic, it will impact on his health and possibly on his family's. I've seen my DH take up cycling in his mid 30s (after years of doing little sport) and it's really made a huge difference to his wellbeing, and therefore our family's.

Perhaps, in your DH's defence, he was inspired by Bradley Wiggins and Chris Hoy et al, and just got a bit over-excited in getting started on his pedals?

Also, I used to cycle in London and I know the stats for injuries etc, but hopefully cycling being such a big success at the Olympics, Boris will put more money into improving cycling facilities etc. I just heard he's announced a big London cycling event for next summer. The bike will certainly work out cheaper per mile than the tube, train, bus, car or taxi!

YANBU that he should have consulted you about spending £400 if that was effectively your 'holiday fund' - however, if you keep your money separately and that was his 'fun money' whereas you've spent yours on lots of small things along the way then YABU.

YABabitU about cycling in London, it can be dangerous, but if he is sensible then he should be fine. Many people cycle in London every day without any problems.

YANBU that it will probably need additional insurance, check if you can add it to your home insurance, it shouldn't cost that much.

YABU to assume he would be better off on the bus, if he does no exercise this is a way to add soe exercise into his life without taking up any 'family time' as when we lived in zone 3 it only added 15 each day to DH's commute to cycle compared to public transport. However, will he actually do it? Does he have shower facilities at the office when he gets there? Will he only cycle on sunny days?

and unfortunately, as far as my DH is concerned, YABU to think £400 constitutes an 'expensive' bike - his bikes that come without wheels/seats/handlebars/anything useful cost at least £1k each. We have a garage full

Yes, I was surprised to see that a £400-500 bike is actually a cheap on! I guess those bikes are vaguely comparable to a car, in terms of engineering and scientific advances, and they certainly aren't just stuck together in a dodgy factory in China.

400 pounds is an expensive bike IMO, even if people can pay more. It comes across as a bit smug to tell the OP it's not really expensive when clearly it is quite expensive to her when they've not had a holiday this year.

I think he is BU not to consult you. I can see why you might feel extra annoyed that you seem to think it's not a purchase he will realistically get the use out of, but he is obviously trying to get healthy and if he does end up using it every day it could save money, so I don't think I'd focus on that issue when you talk to him TBH.

My DH tells me he has bought a bike for £400 but then coughs a few months later that it was actually £1000 - he has done that on 3 occasions now.

He's not your husband, so you have no say over what he does with his money.

You should be encouraging him to use a bike instead of car or public transport.

claire, that's a very odd point of view! They have shared money, of course she is going to care what he does.

£400 is not 'pennies'.

He's not your husband, so you have no say over what he does with his money.

How long has he been your OH?

From your third and forth paragraph you appear to have had quite a lengthy discussion on it.

Did they make any richer/poorer promises or promises to share all their worldly goods?

There is a cycle to work scheme to save the tax on a new bike. Is it too late for your DH to take part in that? My DH has bought 2 new bikes this way. (Last one cost over £1000 but he is an extremely keen cyclist).

claire, you do know those promises are the religious marriage ceremony, and not the law, right?

How do you know what promises they made? Or even whether they're married - she's using 'OH', which AFAIK means 'other half', not 'man with whom I live in sin'.

Oh, seen your money devision message - so the issue is, did he buy the bike out of the joint account or out of his own personal savings? If you aren't married, it's normal to keep your none 'household expenses' money separate.

How do you normally fund holidays, do you pay half each or does it come out the household account? If you pay half each, do you have a spare £400 or have you spent your 'fun' money on other things and now are annoyed he's spent his in one lump on something he wants but you don't?

Altinkum - you beat me to it!:o

You will need to talk to him about it.
He may have thought he could get away with buying it while you were not there,and you wouldnt object too much when you got back,so he still ends up with it.
It could have been a spur of the moment thing.
He could be annoyed with you about another matter,and sort of did it to spite you.

Have the talk.He could sell it again,probably at a reduced price,if that is what you both agree.

YABU. He's a grown man, not a kid. Cycling is good for him. £400 is not 'silly expensive' for a decent bicycle. Although if he takes to it, he'll soon be dropping £2k on a full carbon frame.

If you keep on moaning about him enjoying his life, he's liable to get on his 'silly expensive bicycle' and pedal off and not come back.

Yes, he should have discussed it with you if that's the tacit agreement for larger purchases.

£400 is not at all expensive for a decent bike though and cycling is a fantastic way to get about London, so it could work out to be a great purchase. If he gets bitten by the cycling bug his fitness will improve and it will save him a lot in travel fares too. How does he get to work at the moment? If he has one direct bus journey there and back he'll have paid for the bike after just 7 months, for example. Considerably quicker if there are multiple bus journeys, trains, tubes etc. If he loses interest you can flog it on ebay.

Re safety, it may not be as unsafe as you think some wiki info here. I know loads of people who cycle daily in London (and I do myself) who have not had any major problems or accidents.