To not want to go on holiday without our DS?

[slatternlymother]

MIL has offered to look after DS next year (when he will be 2; we've already arranged our holidays for summer and Easter) whilst DH and I go on a couples holiday to somewhere nice and hot.

It just cropped up in conversation, MIL (very kindly) said she would have DS for a week or two whilst we went somewhere together. I'm grateful, and so is DH but I really really couldn't bear it. If we go away, we go as a family and I'm happy with my lot.

MIL did the 'eyes to the sky' thing and said I was being a bit precious, and when I recounted this to a friend, she said I was mad and she'd kill for the chance to go on holiday alone with her DH.

Am I being really silly and pfb?

It doesn't matter what your MIL or your friend thinks.

What would be the point in going on holiday if you couldn't relax and enjoy it?

Just ignore them.

Will she have mine? In all seriousness with ds1 I never wanted to leave him. Now with two a whole week off would be amazing!

You have to do what's comfortable for YOU or you will are unlikely to enjoy your holiday much! How about have an overnight in a hotel or even a weekend away somewhere not so far away?

It's up to you. I have would dump and run but maybe not for a week or two. Most I done was Thurs to Sun and it was bliss!

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Any more than you would be if you decided you wanted to take her up on her offer.

Do what feels right. There is no right or wrong. Only what's right for you and your husband.

No. If you want to have your ds on holiday with you then take him! He's still only 2, your mil can have him when he is a lot older. How about compromising and going away for a night or two until you are happy to let him go for a whole week? If you ever are, that is. I love having time apart from my dc, but 4 nights is about my limit .

I just worry he'd think all sorts like I'd abandoned him

I don't think you're being PFB at all - I would have loved a night away with DP when DS was two, but no longer than that! I didn't leave DS until he was two and a half, when I went on a work trip and was away for four nights. Because DP was also away for work, my mum looked after DS and they had a great time. But four nights was plenty long enough!

I'm the same minty. I might appear like a cold hearted child abandoner but after a few nights I'm battle fit again!

Yes, he might well do, so don't allow it if you don't want to.

There! Job done, end of discussion.

Thank you all for your replies!

We were just talking about going to Spain next Easter, and MIL said 'why would you want to take him there? It's far too hot; wait until summer and go somewhere hot on your own'. Etc etc.

I don't think it'll be too hot in April for him.

she's rolling her eyes because she's not getting her way. Do not do anything which leaves you feeling compromised. You will regret it and it will be a rubbish waste of holiday time.

fwiw I would never have left my kids at that age. 2 is very young still.

YANBU, but I think YABU trying to make a decision now, while he's only 1. You don't know what it will be like when he's 2. You might be more comfortable about the idea of leaving him when he's talking a little, and doing so much more, even if only for a couple of nights and not the whole week or.... you still might not want to leave him, I think you should wait until much later to make that sort of a decision!

Spain's not particularly hot in April...in fact there's no guarantee it won't be pissing down.

Thanks brass he's like our little pal and he comes with us everywhere.

She can be very like 'oh let me have him, you get to be with him all the time, don't be selfish', in said in a jokey way and I know it's because she loves him but still...

Mine are 16, 14 and 6 and I have only ever left them twice, for one night each time, for work. I left them with dh. I wouldn't go on holiday without them.

YANBU. I had the same offer from MIL but she wanted to take her long haul aged ten months without us. We politely declined and MIL accused us of denying DD a holiday. We took DD abroad as a family so she didn't miss out whatsoever. My MIL was always selfish and took over. I wouldn't have let my own parents either. The thought of being in another country from my small children makes me feel sick. I have lots of friends who go abroad without their kids and that is great for them. However it would be horrible for me. Teenagers maybe that would be a good age! Just say thank you for kind offer but no you are not comfy with your small child in another country and change the subject. My parents are super close to my 5 DC but have never taken them more than overnight. It isn't something you have to do or are obliged to.

It's great that she loves him so much but coercing you into a situation you are uncomfortable with is not.

I'm afraid her mission will be all about her desire to have him and your feelings during your time away from him won't even register on her radar. That'll be your problem.

I think deferring the decision, not committing to anything etc is good advice. Wait and see how you feel (you know him better than she does!).

No, I wouldn't want to do it either, OP. Even now when he's a lot older (9). Friends of ours took a long haul trip for a week and left their two who were 7 and 3 at the time and spent the whole time calling/skype-ing and feeling guilty. I guess just missing them.

I would say 'we're sooo lucky to have you, that's so kind - instead I think we'll just use you and have a couple of weekends away here and there if that's ok' - make it tongue in cheek so you don't sound patronising or as though you don't trust her.

YADNBU.

yanbu and a week or two is a long time, how about as a compromise if YOU want to you could suggest she has him for a weekend and you and dp can have a nice night in a hotel? but again not if you dont want to.

its lovely of her to offer but you dont have to if you dont want to and as he gets older your feelings may change and he may relish a chance to spend some time with granny :)

April will be fine in fact it may rain a lot?

Is this her only grandchild? Do what's best for you and dh. What does dh say btw?

If you do fancy a night or two away then Warner hotels are nice and child free. I used to go to one with exdh and my lovely sister would have dcs. But only for a night or two. And being child free I didn't feel guilty seeing other families.

I wouldn't want to go all that time without my ds (also 24mo), I love his company!

I would think 1 or 2 weeks is a long time at that age.

yes time alone for a couple is important, but don't necessarily need an entire 2 weeks for that! She could babysit regularly and that would be more valuable to couple time than 2 weeks in a solid block. I would be miserable without my ds for all that time.

She is trying to be very kind though, so maybe accept the help but change the format IYSWIM, so she doesn't feel it is thrown back in her face or you are ungrateful, but she can still spend time with her GS. :)

i wouldn't leave mine either, they are only young for so long and each holiday is a memory with them. There is plenty of time when they are older to go away on our own. Tell you MIL thanks but no thanks and go with how you feel

You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. I love time without my kids and my parents always have them 1-2 weeks each year which is great of them. But they'd never expect me to if I wasn't happy with it!