Eating Together As A Couple

[PeachStrawberry19]

Who else out there gets really frustrated and feels disrespected when they have taken the time to cook lunch or dinner for them and their husband, then serve it up, call them, get response that they will be there soon but then sit alone and finish meal and just as finished, husband arrives to eat. I get my stomach tangled up in knots feeling like bottom of the pile and wonder why I bother trying to have a nice meal together. I would love to be cooked for and could come and eat as soon as possible, grateful that someone had made the effort to cook for me?

That's not very nice. Can't you wait until they come down? Or go up physically and call them? You need to talk to you DH about how you feel. There's no way I'd cook alone and dish up like a maid, unless I wanted to be a 50's housewife.

I would if it ever happened, but if DH wasn't at the table ready to eat after I'd cooked a meal I'd find him and make him wear it!

(To be fair it takes me so long to make a meal that everyone is starving by the time it gets to the table)

Have you talked to him?
I wait, then fetch him...and give him enough warning so he can finish what he's doing.

What is your DH doing that takes him so long to come down? Is he purposely avoiding you?

I would be upset too. It's very disrespectful.

It is very disrespectful and ungrateful. Very occasionally I will have to call my DH and teen DCs, as they can be slow coming to the table for dinner, but they usually come within a few minutes.

Next time, just throw the food away and say you didn't think he wanted it

Have you actually asked him why he does this and told him how it makes you feel?

does he know you're preparing a meal, do you tell him how long it will take?

if he's busy he may be doing something that needs completion.

Call him five minutes before it is ready. Or however long it takes him to get there

I do this with my kids

I call the dog
Gets any of them moving

How rude of him! Point this out. A Lot.

DH and I always eat our evening meal together, along with DS. DH and I take it in turns to cook and no one eats until we're all at the table, so the "call to dinner" becomes increasingly stentorian if one or other person doesn't turn up.

Does he do this every night?

This just doesn't happen in my house. I think the correct response would be dinner scraped in the bin and an 'I didn't think you wanted it as you didn't come down'. What on earth is he doing that he won't come down for dinner?

This pisses me off royally. My kids hang around asking when dinner is and when I say ten minutes, five minutes etc.. they whine how starving they are and then don't appear when I say it's ready.

I will yell, after having called nicely twice, 'if you're not down here in 30 seconds' you will get no food.

They always come, but it ruins the whole meal having to literally bully people to the table.

So wasteful to throw food away though, I would never do this.

Oh poor you, OP. I agree, disrespectful and rude. My DH did this to me (once). You need to sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel. I wouldn't play games and start calling him earlier, or giving it to the dog. If it doesn't improve, start cooking for yourself only.

If this is a regular occurance, maybe it's time to get tough. Start just making something for yourself. Sometimes a quick sharp shock is the only way to get the message across.

DH and I eat together every evening (that we are both in) and I usually cook so well in advance we will decide what to have, and then I give a rough "it should be ready around 7.30ish" so he knows.

Does he know it is important to you that you eat together?

Why do you start eating before he's arrived? Is it because you wait for ages and he still doesn't turn up.
I was brought up that nobody eats until everyone is sitting down, perhaps your DH is wondering why you don't wait for him.
I'd be tempted to call him 5mins before the meal is ready - and then once again when it is on the table. Either that or give him the job of laying the table so he's actually ready to et when you are.

YANBU. That would make me so miserable. I would feel rejected!

That would really annoy me! Talk to him about it tho, and tell him why it's upsetting you. If it carried on after that, I think I'd probably just cook for myself for a while!

If he takes 10 mins to get to the table - call him 10 mins before you dish up.

What a weird situation. He's a selfish arse and you sound straight out of Stepford. It doesn't sound as if he has any respect for you. I imagine there are more problems here than dinner timings.

I hate this. I'm extra cross about it as i have morning sickness, a very sensitive sense of smell and no appetite, so cooking is a major effort. In fairness DH does come to eat before I've finished, but it's still fucking rude. And sometimes he'll be sitting in front of the tv waiting for it and I'll bring it in and he'll be so engrossed in the tv that he'll ignore it. I usually tell him "dinner in 20" then "dinner in 5" then that I'm dishing up. Increasingly I just dish up mine. If he asks where his is I tell him to dish his own up. If he didn't get it by the time I was finished I would be livid, put it away for me and DS as the next meal and never cook for him again.

pip slightly aghast at your post - why should she wait while the meal she has cooked goes cold? OP doesn't give timings, 2mins or 20 makes a difference but really, he should be coming down, presumably he knows she's cooking?

So don't cook for him. Cook for you.

The point being that, because my whole family were working on the same assumption (no food until everyone is at the table) nobody was ever late because you knew you'd be annoying everyone. Perhaps the OPs DH needs to have the basic bit of politeness explained to him.

What does he say when you tell him how you feel?

You could always just cook your own meal and let him cook his until he learns some bloody manners.