To think everyone is having a better time than me?

[Birdspa]

I don't know, it seems that a lot of people I know are always busy socialising, having friends stay over at weekends, drinking wine and generally having more fun. I feel a bit lonely (& envious) in comparison, yet I have such happiness with my little family. Wish I could stop feeling like I'm missing out.

Grass is always greener! Some of them may be longing for a family! Did you settle down before your friends? Are you basing this on FB viewing?

I've just had major surgery.
Because of this I can have no more babies.
I am in so much pain.
Also, randomly, my mouth is full to bursting with enormous ulcers that are bloody killing me.

There you are Op

(disclaimer: I'm not trying to be a wanker here I am genuinely trying to make you feel better!)

The grass is only greener because so much fertilizer bullshit is spread on it.

Where are you getting your information from? If it is FB the YABU!! Let's say you have 400 friends. 10% maybe at any one time are having fun and posting about it. That's 40 filling your newsfeed with how great their lives are. Not so many, but the other 90% are too busy dealing with crap to post about it, or are like me and only give the edited highlights!!

Oh God if it's facebook take no notice OP. I'm still updating on there like 'la la la having a wonderful time look at this photo of my lovely DS'. No one on there knows I've been in hospital or that DS has madly tantrummed (sp?) for the past three days. FB is full of shit!

FeakAndWeeble the ulcers are not so random, but pretty horrid, they attack people who are run down. Take care of yourself, better still let others take care of you and get better soon.

If it's any help - Im thoroughly antisocial and I'm happy in my little world, which doesnt involve going out.

Ha ha, like me and feakandweeble!!

YANBU to be envious but maybe YABU to believe it all?

I know a lot of FB people always enthusiastically telling everyone about their wonderful social lives but is it true? If it wasn't a one-off and you did it all the time, would you bother telling everyone about it?

FB didn't exist back when I was a drinker but I normally didn't brag to everyone about having to run out of an underground club at 3am to call Huey as they were doing triple vodkas for £1. (I'll brag now !)

If u really are motivated by it to find more friends and expand your life, that's good but otherwise, enjoy your family and focus your attention on them

Thank you MammaTJ, you've just made me cry a little bit! Thank you x

I get your logic Mamma, but 400 friends? I now feel bad about how few fb friends I have!

I think most people feel like this sometimes OP. Rest assured; your life is someone else's green grass! if that makes sense

Oh OP, I know how you feel and at one time felt the same way. Believe me when I dug a bit deeper I saw the reality, other people had so much drama going on and I don't mean good stuff. We're talking relationship problems (behind closed doors), financial problems, work pressures etc. It made my so called sad little life feel so good for once and I felt truly blessed. Lots of people put on a front to hide the real stuff. And, as said up thread, the grass always seems greener on the other side.

'If we all through our problems in a pile we'd grab our own right back again'

....as someone wiser than me once said, possibly, or at least something like it. All of these social butterflies will have shit going on too OP, they just don't talk about it.

Everyone I know is also always busy socialising and having a whale of a time at the olympics, and on some hot island and going from a great late night party to an early session at the gym.

Bloody FB!

Christ. Threw. Threw

FeakAndWeeble well done, you win!!! Hope you're on the mend soon and the ulcers subside. I had a mouthful of them after an operation and the only thing I could eat were Matchmakers. Hope you're not too about the no more babies issue...

OP, my life is nothing like that. Yes, friends visit with their kids during the day, but the 8 seat garden table I bought 2 years ago is rarely once filled with friends supping wine and braying with laughter. But my DH, the kids and I sat round it earlier while the kids ate their fish fingers and we had a beer. That counts.

Thanks for the perspective feek. So sorry for your loss and pain, I need to get a grip, i really do - thank you and sorry.
Just for the record, in answer to the fb queries, yes quite a bit of that but i also have a sister who has a very busy social life which she juggles despite (or in spite?!) of having 4 kids!

Ooooh Matchmakers! Every cloud

Sorry OP was probably a stupid response to make. Sounded OK in my head. But I read what you wrote about having such happiness with your family and I was envious, so I thought, ooh this illustrates the OPs point!

Anyway. Why don't you throw a big boozy dinner party for your closest friends? Needen't take too much time/effort if they're people who just like your company, then you can feel better about your social life and throw it into conversation for a few weeks 'Oh yah, at my dinner party recently, bla bla' and you could put photos on fb

OP I often wonder how it is that so many of my friends and acquaintances seem to have the time to do lots of wonderful and interesting things. They never seem to be bogged down with the nitty gritty of keeping a household running and the relentless grind of every day family life as I feel I often am.

The only way I reconcile myself to this feeling of missing out is that there must be things that they are missing or letting go and if I tried to live my life like they seem to, then it would make me uncomfortable!

Despite, that feeling of "everyone else having a better time than I am", the way my life is jworks for me and my family and I can't be someone I am not.

I think if you are fundamentally happy then just enjoy your life the way it is.

Thank you everyone, you're all a tonic. MsVest I'm loving the 'braying with laughter' comment and you getting good mileage out of your garden furniture. We're the same! Should have saved money buying those spare chairs, especially with the general state of the British weather as well (today permitting).

You are not alone! I feel like this from time to time, all because of fb. But then we only see what we're shown...all I know are having babies, off on exotic holidays, look AMAZING in bikinis, have glamorous jobs...if fb is to be believed. There's lots you can do from a good angle in the right light! Hope you feel better x

i feel the same sometimes i really want a night out occasionally, but dont have easy childcare. and i dont have my freinds close by.

fb can be a killer like that.

It depends how important it is to you but it also needs keeping in context.

Each New Year DH and I have the shared resolution to be more sociable. We aim to see friends once a month and a quick look at the calendar tells me we've had 8 meet ups (most successful year to date). It takes a lot of organising. The thing is, this equates to seeing most friends once or twice a year. It becomes a big deal so we take pictures (because wow their kids have changed) and suddenly it looks like we're always having amazing times. No, we leave the house once a month and tend to get a bit overexcited

Well swap with me?
I leave home on a Sunday afternoon or, sometimes, very early on a Monday morning, travel to work which is about 250 miles away. Work from Monday to Friday, come home again, often not getting home before 10pm and sometimes later.
I have no social life at all, haven´t seen my boyfriend for a couple of months (although thanks to e-mail and sms we communicated) and cannot keep really up-to-date with the housework, even though there is nobody here when I am not.
It used to be different.
Be thankful for what you have?

I get what you mean.
There is nothing fundamentally wrong with my life, nice DH, quite healthy, reasonable standard of living, good job (tiring), 3 great kids, live in a nice sunny place.
Everyone else seems to be having so much fun. I know rationally they probably aren't but they seem like they are.

I do know what the problem is though. I'm an introvert and any spare time I have (almost nil) I like to spend alone or just with my immediate family.

I do get jealous of extroverts and the fun they appear to be having!

My social life is amazing according to fb- lots of fab things with the dcs, fun nights out on the town, hilarious anecdotes etc etc.

The reality? I drag the dcs out as I can't bear being at home with them fighting, I struggle massively with parenting 4dcs, 2 with sn. I go to the gym, drink and party to get away from it all. Dh and I are struggling financially and our relationship is hanging on by a thread, he's very rarely here anyway, he works 7 days a week and the few evenings he's home I go out. If I'm not out I stay up til the early hours cleaning and catching up on stuff I don't have time to do in the day because I'm out or tearing my hair out. I use humour to escape from it all, you know that saying about the loudest person at a party being the one with most problems and least confidence? Yep, that's me.

According to everyone else i'm a supermum, hilarious life and soul of the party, people don't know how I do it, or how I'm so together and strong.

I'm not any of those things really, it's all pretty fucked up.

Not asking for sympathy or advice, just giving you an idea of what fb hides!