to be angry at DD's Headmaster

[HappyOrchid]

who referred to her as being disadvantaged at being an only child.

He also said she get her own way too often. WTF! She always shares with others. Right now she's gone with a neighbour and their kids to walk their dog.

Yes, she likes her own way, but don't we all. She gets her own way with things that I don't stress about.

Want to wear jeans or leggings - its her choice
Wnats to stay up and watch TV on a school night - No
Wants to eat pudding (fruit) before main course - fine so long as its eaten I don't care if she mixes it all together
Won't brush her teeth? - no choice she'll do them

Evidently I am the Worlds Worst Parent, oh well.

I would take a look at what the HT is saying, tbh.

I appreciate Tethers' POV that it's a bit bloody late for him to chip in now, but he could just have got his PA to bang out a form letter saying '...all the best to your dd'.

He's chosen to make a comment for one of two reasons - either he's an arse, getting one last sneery comment off to you because you've chosen to reject his school, or he genuinely wishes your dd well, hopes she makes a great start at her new school, but thinks there's an issue in her behaviour/your parenting, & is sticking his head over the parapet to say so, although he knows you won't thank him for it.

If you are 100% sure he's just being a sneery arse, fair enough! However, I have a friend whose dd changed schools last year at a similar age & for similar reasons. Similar comments were made by the HT of the school she was leaving, & I have to say I concurred with the HT, on the whole.

Friend's dd is lovely & has had a fab year at her new school. It was definitely right to move her. However, friend probably did need to be made aware, & it certainly made her think, over the holidays, re: how dd could make a better start at her new school.

A friend of mine at school had an Art report "She draws well" which was interesting as she'd given up the subject a year previously

i had a similar one... 'lovebunny enjoys cross-country and her technique is improving in the gym' - er, no miss, lovebunny had stopped attending p e and went to the library instead.

i try to write pupils' reports with their photos and work in front of me. when you see several hundred each week, its difficult to get it right without that kind of support.

i try to be honest, but put a positive spin on things and give examples of what child x could do to improve. our school, too, has a policy that reports must be positive.

By the time written reports come around, you should already know if your child is behaving or not. I'll have been on the phone to parents several times by then (and probably be the subject of a few ranty threads on AIBU for my unrealistic expectations!). If a written report comes as a shock then there is something wrong with the communications between school and home.

It almost seems as thought the HT's opinion of your DS was reflected by the teacher. If the HT of the school is not prefer only children (which seemed to be the trust of his issues with your DS) then this attitude could rub off on the teachers as well.

However, I think you should pay attention to the new school and if the same issues are reported by the new school, then have a good look at and talk with DS.

Poor thing, being picked on by an authority figure isn't fun.

Being the youngest of 3 is doing ds no favours in the sharing front. Dd1 worships the ground he walks on, dh isn't far behind. During the day he gets far more choices than either dd did as it is only him to consider (while the girls are in school anyway). Dd2 does her best to even things out a bit, but even she is succumbing to his charms. We do make him share, but there is none of the 'let them have it, they're only little, they don't understand.'

The HT could easily have said those things about her if he felt it really necessary without highlighting her status as an only child. Is he expecting you to pop down to Asda to pick an age appropriate sibling off the shelf to make her more compromising. Would he tell me to adopt out my older two and get ds a younger sibling so he learns to share a bit more?

Have chilled out a bit now, but DH is still fuming.
I'm not denying that DD can be obstinate, 'uses mature vocabulary and has formed opinions' latest school report and was born in the awkward squad, but there's really only been a problem this year. Has my parenting deteriorated so substantially since she turned 8?

Had there been several conversations about her behaviour or work dropping off it would have been a different situation and we'd have sat her down sorted it out - believe me I can accept that she's straight down the middle average, but if she's making every effort to do her best that all I ask. We knew she was falling behind because she wasn't making every effort. But she was so scared of getting something wrong that she was taking the route of not trying.

Still maybe I should take it as an ego boost, maybe it was the most back handed come on I've ever received

Thanks for all your replies. Just looking forward to the new school, where after one day DD came out and told me practically everything she had learned and insisted on explaining in great detail, rather than the usual 'Nothing' when I enquire what they did today.