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AIBU?

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Original poster

would you punish lying in this situation?

38 replies

greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 17:54

Ok took dd1 and friend out for day. They come running up to me with a pound they have "found" in the soft play. Because they were honest and didn't just keep it I gave them some change for the sweet machine and took the pound to the counter incase an upset child realised they had lost it.

So they are sat in the car on way home with their sweets giggling and it turns out the pound was dds from money her nan gave her and she had wanted to share it with friend but thought I would say no ( they didn't realise I had handed money in)

OP posts:
Ohhelpohnoitsa · 09/08/2012 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

danteV · 09/08/2012 18:00

How old?

Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 18:03

Dd1 is almost ten friend is a week off nine.

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BlackholesAndRevelations · 09/08/2012 18:03

I don't get it. Did she know you'd reward her with sweets if she told you she'd found it? Confused

BlackholesAndRevelations · 09/08/2012 18:05

Nine and ten year olds know what a pound is! I can't imagine anyone as young as to not know what a pound is, to be coming up with such a strange scheme.

CeliaFate · 09/08/2012 18:06

How much did you spend on sweets?

If it was less than £1 they've lost out due to fibbing.
If more, then I'd tell dd her money was handed in at the counter so she's missed out on that due to fibbing.
When the friend's gone home I'd have a general chat about being trustworthy and not telling silly lies because it'll be harder to believe her in future.

DameEnidSpink · 09/08/2012 18:09

I think 9 / 10 yo would know what a pound was.

I don't think you need to punish on the basis that the consequences are that she has now lost her pound - I would not repay her that.

ENormaSnob · 09/08/2012 18:10

Yes I would punish lying.

Especially at that age.

Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 18:12

Blackholes I asked dd1 afterwards and she said she thought I would just tell them they could spend the found money.

I gave them money for sweets at the time for being honest Hmm and handing in the money to me as there were machines all over dispensing so they could have just spent it ( obv when I thought they had found the money) .

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 09/08/2012 18:13

Same as CeliaFate

JumpingThroughHoops · 09/08/2012 18:15

It's not the crime of the century, I'm having trouble understanding why she had to lie over a pound? I could understand deviousness over a note, but a pound?

Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 18:18

Oh she isn't getting pound back!

I know it was only one pound but I praised him ( was the friend who said he had found it but dd was a willlling accomplice!) for handing it in as the child not missing money would have been upset when they realised and whether its a pound or ten pound its right to hand it in.

So I'm doubley annoyed I praised them both.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 09/08/2012 18:20

Maybe this is a sign you are waaay too strict she feels she has to lie so she can share her money with her friend for a few sweets.

Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 18:27

Really not strict.
She had her own money to do with what she wanted, she knows that.
She does have some learning issues and is not great at understanding money/ change but knows what a pound is.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 09/08/2012 18:29

Ahh ok, was thinking tjat strictness about sweets can make children sneaky.

danteV · 09/08/2012 18:33

My 8 year old has known the value of a pins for a while.
I wouldn't 'punish' as such. I would speak to your dc about why fibbing is bad and explain how they had actually lost out.

Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 18:33

Not at all :) there's loads in the fridge as great nan gives her packets every weekend and she's not that fussed about them.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 18:39

Sorry x post
I told her that it was her money from nan and she knew she could spend it how she wanted. I've told her she isn't getting pound back.

I gave them a pound each in the soft play and was going to take that from her pocket money too but don't know if that's mean as it was friend that lied to my face and he took money too so she would end up paying back money he spent too....

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 09/08/2012 18:41

I would make her give the money that you gave to them for the sweet machine back.

But I am mean.

Giggling with her friend about how they conned you? Yeah, she can pay it back. I wouldn't stand for it. I know it's only a pound, but it could be a penny for all I care. It's the lying.

I told you I was mean Grin

valiumredhead · 09/08/2012 18:43

why did she think you wouldn't let dd share it - are you very strict?

McHappyPants2012 · 09/08/2012 20:47

I would punish the lying. Small lies turn into big ones

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 09/08/2012 22:24

I would be furious, but then I am wired to be totally unreasonable over any lies!! I won't have it from anyone and turn psycho bitch I clearly have ishoos.

Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 22:28

Thanks all, would you have told the other childs mum? I didn't but wondwr if I should have.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenwichgroove · 09/08/2012 22:30

It was him that walked over and told me he had found the money, dd said nothing but obv went along with it.

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darksecret · 09/08/2012 22:31

I would take it seriously, because it's an integrity issue. Kids need to know they have to be honest with their parents! And lying in a 'good' way, or 'for a friend' doesn't make it ok; that kind of lying often happens in very dangerous situations and kids need to know there's a blanket ban on it. Especially at nine or ten.

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