to think my ocd cannot be cured - just "managed"?

[Wigglewoo]

I have quite bad housework related ocd and I am struggling more with it at the moment because dd is obviously at home with the summer holidays and I'm very concious of her not picking up my habits so I deliberately try not to be as ridiculous when she's here...

Its nothing new, I've always been like this and most of the time I can just do what I need to do and everything is fine but I've now had ds aged 8 weeks and obviously I can't be like this as much - things have to slip. I'm finding it really difficult. I didn't realise how bad I was until my dh said to me that I'd rather hoover the floor than put effort into our relationship ... Oops :(

So I guess what I'm asking is if anyone has successfully "got rid" of the ocd or is it something you always live with? I don't know how to let go... Dh offers to do things for example and I'll always do them again as I don't feel he's done them properly..

Little things drive me insane like on the mantlepiece I try and keep it just one large candle in the middle and dh keeps leaving bits on there (wallet etc) or moving the candle out of the middle and I can't bear it.

I can't leave the draining board next to the sink with water on it, I get through 4 teatowels a day wiping it and then polishing it shiny.

I had a row with dh the other day about it all. He said the world won't end if I don't wipe the side down every time but I said if I don't keep things clean then I will have even more to do later on.

I also do a lot of washing - 3 / loads a day, even though I could leave it for a day or so I can't have it in the wash bin.

Ok so I know this sounds bonkers and I'm fed up with it and maybe I should post in mental health but I'm genuinely curious as to whether I can solve this somehow with help maybe or if I have to just resist behaving like this....

What is it you think will happen if you arnt able to clean? What is the worry?
OCD cannot be cured no but it can be minimised and managed using cognitive behavioural therapy which teaches you the techniques to be able to ease the anxiety and get you back in control of your thoughts and compulsions. Making your life manageable again.

Oh poor you. I have a relative with OCD, and I know how difficult it is. I can't offer any advice I'm afraid, but I will be interested to see what people say.

It's good that you are trying to protect your child from it, and I hope you manage to enjoy your new baby. Good luck.

I don't think it will ever go away completely - you're never going to be a slattern!! But you probably could do a lot to manage it better.

Once or twice... just walk away from the drainage board, even if it isn't spotlessly shiny. Get a washing basket with a lid on it, or one of those with 3 sections so you can sort it straight away, and give yourself a maximum no of loads you can do in a week. If you blow that in 3 days, then you'll have to grit your teeth and bare it until the following week, the maybe it will be easier to only do 1 load a day instead of 3.

Pick the things you can be completely pedantic over, and then choose some others that you might be able to let go of. The candle on the mantle piece, you can see it all the time and it will ALWAYS bug you, so move it to the middle spot. A crooked towel in the bathroom, only visible if you are in the bathroom, don't check them unless you happen to be in that bathroom.

OCD is control/anxiety related I think. Sounds like you could do with some help from the GP. Please make an appt, it sounds very stressful as nothing will actually happen if you leave the draining board or the washing for a day.

From what I have heard, cognitive behavioural therapy can be very successful. It's just that having just had a baby, and with another child at home, you might not have the time to focus on it as you would need to.

OCD is an anxiety disorder. It's a manifestation of your anxiety about something this could be loss of control, germs making you or someone you love I'll. All sorts it tends to be personal. I have a diagnosed OCD.

Go to your doctor, ask for a referral to see the mental health team. It may be a different procedure in your area but this is what I did some years ago and really a lot of it is behind me. You need to be clear, you have suffered this for however many years, it is damaging your relationship, enjoyment of family life and making you unhappy. It will take time to see someone but I imagine you may be given CBT, group therapy, psychoanalysis. I've heard of different people having different things. But yours doesn't sound too severe yet so I think it can be managed which is almost like curing, but will probably mean in times of stress you return to it (like me) which is much more bearable than it being constant.

i have always had OCD although i can tell you from my personal experience that i have found a way of comfortably living with it, it doesn't dictate my life. it barely exists now actually although many years ago it was pretty bad but somehow i managed to dilute it. the only ocd symptom i get is anxiety to do with writing of notes made worse by my peri meno' hormones. my own take on it was simple - i either let it take over and ruin my life or i take hold of the reins and dictate my life. not easy. the mind is all so powerful and can manifest itself in odd ways, i see myself as someone who will always be a sufferer as it is in me to be a certain way however on a day to day basis it is usually pretty much under control, in the bottom of a draw.......... btw, i don't think you sound bonkers or that you ocd is that bad at all, actually, i know alot of people who do as you have described and they don't see themselves as being an ocd sufferer :) . i think it can have flare ups but in general i think some people can get it under control without therapy, i for one and a friend of mine who also suffers from ocd (she only recently told me) but hers too has faded off alot. best of luck

My Dh has OCD and also oldest Ds, both fairly mild and both have learned to live with it and adapt. Luckily for me cleaning isn't part of it, but stress does make it all worse.
I agree a trip to the Doc if you are feeling very stressed maybe it will help.
Your Dh pointing out the obvious doesn't help and he does need to learn more about it and not make it worse.
I used to point it out to Dh and it would make for a stressful day and him in a bad mood.
Now when he goes to check he locked the front door or asks if I did when I watched him do it, I know what answers to give to stop his anxiety, also driving round the block to make sure the garage door stayed down isn't going to kill me. But when he starts asking me to check things, I tell him do it yourself I'm not joining in on your OCD trip, your on your own.

You can manage it and reduce your anxiety, but it's not something that can be cured. I agree you should see your GP and ask about CBT.

I have seen people have fantastic results with ocd after a course of cognitive behavioural therapy. Go to your GP and explain the problem and ask to go on a waiting list for cbt. I had to wait 6 months for mine (I am in London so that is probably quite a short waiting list), but it was well worth it. I am not cured of my problem but it is managed now and I feel SO much better for having done the course.

California. You helping him check I'd ultimately going to make it worse. It's giving in to his anxiety and proving it to be correct. The only way of dealing with it is to slowly but surely deal with anxiety for short periods if time by not performing the ritual.

Sorry if it came across as I help him check Krum, I don't check I leave him to do his thing, and he drives round the block not me. If I'm driving I tell him it went down it's fine.
I can see it getting a bit worse right now as we are getting the house ready to sell, he has huge anxiety over change, and we are moving back to UK. (happy dance) So for the foreseeable future I can see him driving round the block and counting counting counting! Luckily that part is his internal dialog and I don't hear it.

I have anxiety, not OCD, but I have experience with CBT for the anxiety snd it worked wonders.

It's true that it will never be 'cured', but that doesn't mean that the only way to deal with it is to try to resist it. Honestly, you will be amazed at what a difference professional treatment can make.

My anxiety is sometimes worse in times of stress or if I get too tired (new baby obviously caused problems there!). But because I have a toolkit now to deal with the problem, it is much less of a big deal than it used to be and is fairly easily dealt with.

CBT requires a lot of effort on your part. There is often a waiting list though so I would go to your GP asap and put the wheels in motion. By the time they can see you it may be 6 months down the track (I'm not in the UK, just making a wild guess at waiting times where you are. Here in NL I had to wait about 3 months).

Please, please see your GP. You don't have to live like this, and you will be stunned at how much of a difference cbt can make. Let me know if you want more info.

BTW it doesn't sound bonkers. It's very common; a little flaw in the way the brain works that can make life hell if it happens to you. We humans are a bit too smart for our own good sometimes!

I really feel for you OP. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive/weird, but this was my experience: I'd had OCD, getting gradually worse, for about ten years (I could just about hide it from other people, but it affected me at least once an hour), then I suffered a bereavement of a close family member, and the urge to do those things disappeared overnight, and never came back.

I think what happened was that the motivation to do all those things was to prevent "something bad happening" (i.e. control) and I basically had a harsh lesson that there was nothing I could do to prevent bad things from happening. The control over the world that I thought I had, was proved to be an illusion.

But I don't know how you could get the same benefit in another way (I certainly hope it doesn't take a death in the family!)

As some one who has had OCD for 16 years (only diagnosed for 2 though), I would be another to say CBT is a good way to learn to manage your OCD behaviour. The GP or MH team may recommend antidepressants as well as CBT.

There isn't a cure, but it can be managed. I still have OCD but it is nowhere near as bad as it was a few years back.

I second what chitchathome says.

My friend had OCD and choosing one thing at a time to focus on and "bossing" her brain back worked for her. She would say to herself "I know what you are trying to make me do but I know I don't need to so I'm not going to let you control/boss me." She set herself a target and rewarded herself each time she conquered that particular thing. Initially when she tackled each thing the anxiety increased but if you expect that to happen and persevere over a few days, then the anxiety and stress levels go down and eventually disappear.
Each time she conquered a new thing, then she would move on to something else that she thought she could cope with. The time taken to conquer each new thing shortened as she realised she could do it. Eventually she was able to conquer the things she thought she would never be able to change.

Now as soon as she realises that she is beginning to do something too much then she has the tools and confidence to nip it in the bud.

You can do it. Good luck.

My ex used to do things that deliberately triggered my OCD (like yours putting stuff on the mantlepiece). I'm so much better with DH who is actually nice to me. Tell your husband it's not on!

I tend to think CBT gets recommended for everything and while I'm sure it can work would suggest you look at a variety of treatment options. I had psychotherapy in the end and identifying what kick started it all helped put it in context. It wasn't about changing/correcting my thinking but understanding and taking control of it.

It can absolutely be managed and I wish you luck. Incidentally I wouldn't want to be cured now. A good friend told me (around the time I left my ex) that it was a facet of who I am and who I am as a person is 100% acceptable and worthy of love. I now see it as part of who I am and DH says women with OCD are the best because we have rules you can learn to make us happy

Thank you everyone, its been really interesting reading your experiences. I am going to go and see the gp and look into some of the suggestions you've made.

I love the idea that women with ocd are easy to love as we have rules that are easy to follow!! :) i must relay that to dh!

I don't really know what I think will happen if I don't do some of these things, I suppose alittle of it comes from living with my mum who is the total opposite and would never ever tidy / clean so everything was a mess / wreck and when I became an adult I had a hard time sorting it all out (as I found living like that unbearable and was unable to move out for various reasons). I think I have this fear that if the house isn't spotless it will gradually descend into chaos like my mums house...

But saying that I also have skin picking issues - the skin around my fingers to the point it bleeds sometimes (sorry) and I've had that since I was very very little (maybe earliest memory at 5 of doing that) and from research I understand that is also part of ocd or on that spectrum.

So maybe its just part of "me" and not part of my background as it were.

I am trying hard to leave things a bit although yesterday I did and then got to about 3pm and spent an hour whizzing about doing it all. Including polishing the sink several times!! I can't explain how irrationally angry I feel when dh or dd uses the sink and don't wipe the draining board down after them so its shiny again! But I don't say anything, I just get up and go out to the kitchen and do it myself when they've finished. Same if they leave the toilet seat lid up! I find it impossible to leave it and will sit there thinking about it more and more. I suppose part of me thinks what does it matter if it makes me happy but I know dh and dd find it hard that I can't be more relaxed. I think that's why dh sometimes deliberately leaves things on the side, he feels angry at the ocd.

Its good to be able to talk about it. I will try and get some help for it.

I used to be like that. Then I got arthritis. When you physically can't keep the place tidy you learn to live with it.

However I wouldn't wish arthritis on my worst enemy.

Well done for leaving it till 3pm. What I said before about the anxiety increasing before it starts to decrease is relevant here. You did well but then at 3pm it became overwhelming.

Now knowing that was going to be the case, do you think you could ride it out, knowing that if you persevered it would get easier? Don't try everything at once. That would be too hard. Just try and leave one thing and sort out a nice reward for yourself so that you know you have something to look forward to if you can manage it. Get DH to help if an hour reading a book in peace is your reward or buy yourself something nice if you can afford it that you normally wouldn't.

Go on try it. One small step at a time.

I have reduced mine dramatically (because my DS is ASD and his ways are the opposite of mine) so things have to be in boxes rather than in certain places and I only Hoover the floor every evening not ever half hour.

However there are still certain things I can't stand. DS wants certain toys stuffed down the back of a certain sofa. I want them in a toy box. It's an ongoing silent argument in our house. I put the toys away. DS comes down and looks behind sofa, puts toys back, I come in and see toys left, move them when DS isn't looking. It's constant.

I had CBT for something else (phobia and automatic reaction) and seriously it changed my life, it changed my thinking.

I would recommend it to anyone

My husband has OCD and some anxiety issues, but they are a lot better since he had counselling following a breakdown. He still has issues with certain things, (not driving down a particular road, not wearing certain clothes because he is convinced they are unlucky) and he also does the skin picking thing with his fingers, which I didnt know until reading above that this was another symptom. That is possibly the one thing that drives me mad and I do shout "stop it now" when he is sat there and I can hear his nails clicking..

CaliforniaLeaving can I ask about the counting? Just getting a bit concerned that ds2 has started to get bothered by counting syllables.