to not like it when MIL 'pretends' to spank DD?

[TeapotsInJune]

If DD, age 1 does something a tiny bit cheeky like tug at MILs skirt or giggle or something, MILgiggles as well and then says she is cheeky and pretends to smack her bottom. It isn't hard, at all, and half the time she doesn't actually touch DD, just sort of mimes smacking her.

I don't like it because playfully smacking someone's bum is more flirty to me and also DD has started giggling and pretending to smack back and does it to me!

AIBU? I will 100% accept it if I am ...

Kind of creepy TBH. Ask her to stop.

it isn't something that would bother me.

i don't think it's flirty at all and your MIL certainly doens't mean it in that way anyway.

does it bother DD?

How odd that you think it's flirty! It's just a childish game!

My SIL used to do this sort of thing and it was confusing my DSs as they were brought up to believe that smacking is always wrong. Reminded her of this many times but I eventually had to shout to get it through and then of course I was the bad one.

it's not flirty but it is bloody stupid encouraging a toddler to smack!

MILs are known for their stupidity though

mine used to try reverse psychology 'you can't put your own shoes on etc' and my DCs used to sit there and think, you're right, I can't so I'm not even going to try and still have confidence issues now!

Hehe workshy.

Sorry, I didn't mean I felt it was flirty as such - I just mean that it's something I associate with boyfriend/girlfriend and so it makes me feel a bit weird to see it being done to DD!

DD thinks it's hilarious!

oh OP

my mother does this with DD

mother is 62, is it something to do with that generation?

I HATE it, when I catch her doing it, I say to DD, oh come and see what mummy found!!! or something

creeps me out

(my mother is weird, a fan of keeping a birch bamboo stick behind the sofa during our upbringing and using it liberally on my poor sister) Relationship now with her is empty, I feel nothing to her, her parenting methods screwed us all up - My sister and I both have had therapy, and my little brother is now gay.

make sure you tell her to stop, it isnt her body she is playing with, it is not her property to do that, it is your DD - too precious

Weird! I wouldn't want my child seeing smacking as funny.

My step MiL encourages my neice and nephew to hit inanimate objects if they are hurt by them! EG if they bang themselves on the table, she gets them to smack the 'naughty table'. I thought this was bizarre when I first witnessed it!

YANBU

upthere you think being gay is 'screwed up'?!
Surely I've read that wrong because if not that is just too offensive.

"and my little brother is now gay"

Sorry it's off topic but wtf has shit mothering to do with being gay?

Well, I don't think she's that bad upthere!

Margaret - yes, a childhood friend'd DM used to get her to "hit naughty objects"!

OP I don't think it's meant flirty but you don't like it so you're within you rights to ask that she stop.

Obviously you don't want a huge argument so maybe just say in a jokey but exasperated way "oh Mil you'll really have to stop doing that, do you know she tried to hit me this morning. We'll be teaching her hitting is not allowed so best to start as we mean to go on and not confuse her. So cute how she laughs, she loves you so much blah, blah" Soften the blow of you daring to want to raise your dd your own way.

That's a good idea Cookie, thanks! :) I'll approach it that way as I'd be mortified if DD hit another toddler thinking it was funny!

I think it's weird.

My upstairs neighbour's dad (or maybe FIL, I don't know, all I know is I hear EVERY.WORD that is said in their house) is always saying to her daughter (1) "I'll take the whip to you...oh I will, I'll take the whip to you" and it weirds me the hell out.

I think it is odd.

I am glad so many people do because my Dad still tells me his is going to 'spank ' me or 'slap my legs' for me. I am 42 and it really unnerves me.

That would unnerve me too Frankie. My dad can sometimes be overly tactile which I don't love but he means no harm.

Damn that cane wielding mother making her children GAY!!!

Really?

i wouldnt like it,i dont think its ok to teach children that smacking is ok but i think its important to remember that lots of people in older generations (note i said lots not all) still have the attitude that its no big deal.

perhaps just say shes started smacking so could we stop it please. like the other poster surgested

Mine is as nutty as a Fruit Cake so it's parr for the course.

But I do recognise that often people don't see their behaviour as inappropriate until we define our boundaries.

Cookie's approach is a good one...

My sister pretends to smack the DC's. I bloody hate it.

Smacking serious and for extreme naughtiness IMO, not for playing.

The daft thing is she hates me really smacking them and I hate her pretending to smack them. .

yellowraincoat- don't you ever want to knock on your neighbour's door and ask a question or something along the lines of whatever...just to check they are ok? or pretend that your ceiling is leaking, so as to introduce yourself and thus suss them out a bit more?

they sound dodgy

and no, I dont think my mother's behaviour influenced my brother's gay choice, I am fine with it, but clearly, our domestic upbringing did not in any way make it something that we all wanted to achieve in life, we have all avoided a 'domestic' setting as much as possible, and gone our own way

her parenting methods screwed us all up - My sister and I both have had therapy, and my little brother is now gay.

What the actual fuck???