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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not like it when MIL 'pretends' to spank DD?

64 replies

TeapotsInJune · 08/08/2012 17:00

If DD, age 1 does something a tiny bit cheeky like tug at MILs skirt or giggle or something, MILgiggles as well and then says she is cheeky and pretends to smack her bottom. It isn't hard, at all, and half the time she doesn't actually touch DD, just sort of mimes smacking her.

I don't like it because playfully smacking someone's bum is more flirty to me and also DD has started giggling and pretending to smack back and does it to me!

AIBU? I will 100% accept it if I am ...

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 08/08/2012 22:32

Your brother doesn't choose to be gay" - he wasn't "influenced into a gay choice" as you so eloquently put it he is gay. He didn't wake up one morning and make a conscious choice to be gay, it's part and parcel of who he is.
With family like you I'm surprised he hasn't been to therapy too do you say things like that where he can hear you?

WilsonFrickett · 08/08/2012 23:57

upthere again, I'm sorry for the terrible parenting you had, but your brother didn't choose to be gay. Did you chose to be heterosexual?

kotinka · 09/08/2012 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrillyMilly · 09/08/2012 10:16

Is being gay a choice?? I don't know anyone who has chosen to be gay.

If DD is being cheeky I joke that I will smack her bottom. I dint actually do it. I don't know if this makes me weird but I'm definitely not doing it in a flurry way.

FrillyMilly · 09/08/2012 10:16

*flirty way

kotinka · 09/08/2012 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drjohnsonscat · 09/08/2012 10:38

Yes I think you are being unreasonable. What's the difference between this and horse play which is always encouraged and supposedly so valuable for boys? I'm always hauling my children onto my knee and pretending to smack them and they scream with laughter. We also have a game where I have to pretend to be a monster and catch them and when I do either I have to pretend to smack them as they run past or pinch their bottoms or tickle them. They insist on one of these three options. I would honestly rather be reading the paper but still...

It's not teaching them that smacking is ok any more than playing at monsters teaches them that monsters exist. It's role play and pretend play and physical play and lots of stuff that is all good.

As for flirty....I really find that an odd analysis and that bit of your post strikes me as much odder than the MIL.

Rubirosa · 09/08/2012 10:41

I playfully smack my ds all the time - anytime he sticks his bum in the air or runs around naked after his bath.

My mum also does the "smack the naughty floor/table/door that hurt you" thing and I found it hilarious as a child and a good distraction from a bump

squeakytoy · 09/08/2012 10:49

"MILs are known for their stupidity though"

Only on MN it would seem, while most of you conveniently forget that one day you will be MILs yourselves.

drjohnsonscat · 09/08/2012 12:15

agree squeakytoy. Let's hope we get to be MILs and have DILs who don't automatically assume we are idiots.

upthere · 09/08/2012 13:02

mrsereiver, pombear and wilson - kindly be assured that it is most definitely none of your business to speculate on my family, nor to swear at me.

My brother is what he is, whether he is born gay or whatever, it doesnt matter.

I can assure you that our domestic upbringing was fraught, whether this has put him off the idea of setting up a typical family domestic sphere in his own life, either with a gay or straight partner I can say that he has emphasised that our upbringing put him RIGHT off the idea. Same with my sister.

I do NOT have to justify myself to women such as yourselves and I I tAke issue with your manner on this thread, simply because I may have said he CHOSE to be gay.

Yes he could have been BORN gay, whatever. Did he choose it, was he born that way. Who knows, Not sure why you seem to care so much?

He is my brother, I dont care what his sexuality, and it is most definietly not your place to tell me how to phrase his sexuality or where it has come from correctly. I love him unconditionally.

Political correctness from women who know nothing of my situation is of no value to me. Get yourselves something else to whinge about.

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2012 13:14

Only on MN it would seem, while most of you conveniently forget that one day you will be MILs yourselves

And that their own Mums are MILs....

upthere · 09/08/2012 13:17

my MIL is like the mother I always wanted!

bubalou · 09/08/2012 13:30

Had similar issues with MIL.

I would just politely tell her that DD has been smacking at nursery / with other children / at home and that you are encouraging no play smacking of any sort.

This allows you to get her to stop but not have the awkwardness.

MrsReiver · 09/08/2012 13:31

it is most definietly not your place to tell me how to phrase his sexuality

The suggestion that his sexuality is somehow the result of abuse is incredibly offensive, so when you start throwing that idea around I think it is our place to comment on it.

upthere · 09/08/2012 13:40

no, mrsreiver, his choice on his DOMESTIC life, whether he chooses kids with a gay partner or not, has been influence by his upbringing. He told me himself, I am not suggesting his SECUALITY has been influenced by it

dont misinterpret me

MrsReiver · 09/08/2012 13:54

You said "her parenting methods screwed us all up - My sister and I both have had therapy, and my little brother is now gay."

You didn't say "my little brother now chooses to remain single" or "my little brother now chooses not to have a family."

kotinka · 09/08/2012 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yellowraincoat · 09/08/2012 14:33

upthere I do know my neighbours and I'm not about to shop them to SS because their father/FIL has a twattish sense of humour. What am I supposed to scope out? If they give off an abusey vibe?

I hear everything that goes on, nothing to report bar the father/FIL of one of them being a bit odd.

WilsonFrickett · 09/08/2012 14:34

With respect, you don't know anything about my situation. You don't know that I'm a woman, hetero, gay, whatever. And I most certainly didn't swear at you.

Mrbojangles1 · 09/08/2012 14:45

upthere how vile to abtrubite being gay with being smacked as a child as if being gay is something you get when you come from a broken home also

You relatioship is so empty with your mum you take your child round their

Have a

One dose nt become gay because they have a dogey realatioship with their mother how fucking 1940s of you

kotinka · 09/08/2012 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RevoltingPeasant · 09/08/2012 14:53

See, yellowraincoat my grandma, born in the 1920s, always used to say things like 'Oooh, I'll take my stick to you, I will' if we were teasing her, or 'I'll catch you and put you in the coal shed, just you wait'.

Also, if my baby sister stumbled she'd say 'Her's been on the drink again, eh'.

I understand that most people today wouldn't say things like this but I just assumed it was part of an older, rougher sense of humour around children and certainly as children we always understood that she was joking. Not only would I have been gobsmacked if someone shopped her to SS but I also wouldn't describe what she said as 'twattish'. It was just a different sense of humour and as long as the kids aren't scared, I don't see why it matters tbh.

yellowraincoat · 09/08/2012 14:56

Yeah, I think it is also a generational thing, RP but I don't think age is a good justification for saying things that are no longer socially acceptable.

I don't remember my gran ever saying such things and I would have been scared if she had. We don't always know what frightens children, as they don't always say or react so I think it's always a good idea to tread carefully.

pumpkinsweetie · 09/08/2012 14:58

For whom ever said this made their brother gay, take a
Ive never heard so much BS in my life

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