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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you insist on having loads of ornaments and nick-nacks in your home

30 replies

KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 08/08/2012 11:22

then it's inevitable that your 2 year old will search and destroy?

My friend is doing my bonce in as she keeps asking me what she can do about her 2 year old who repeatedly goes for her ornaments and framed photos.

She's got nick-nacks and photos in propped frames ALL over the house and goes mad at her DC when he tries to get at them. She says "she has to learn!" and tells her off but she keeps going at them...of course she does! She's 2 and there are china giraffes right in her reach!

I told her to put them up high or put them away till she's older but she seems t think she's being unreasonable and that she will learn to not take her frames apart and tear the pictures inside....and that she will learn not to grab her vases of twigs and snap the contents.

AIBU to think that you just have to put these things away or high up? And that telling a child off over and over isn't on?

OP posts:
two2blackcats · 08/08/2012 11:24

Agree with you.

SIL smacked my then 18 month old for breaking an ornament and screamed in her face. I still feel angry whenever I think of that.

chirpchirp · 08/08/2012 11:24

YANBU at the moment my house looks like there has been a flood - everything is above waist height.

Original poster
KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 08/08/2012 11:25

2blackcats Shock it's so Victorian! I just feel a toddler has not much concept of what's pretty and attractive isn't always available to play with.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 08/08/2012 11:26

YANBU. I agree with they have to learn to some extent, but limiting the amount they can get to is surely the most sensible option.

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 11:26

Well I grew up in a house with antiques and ornaments and nothing was put up high, I was "trained" not to touch, and could safely be taken to anyones house thanks to this too.

However she is BU if she has valuable stuff that is in easy reach, as accidents happen to everyone. A swing of a coat, walking past something and brushing against it..

cozietoesie · 08/08/2012 11:27

Well - if you extend that attitude then you won't bother about leaving electrical connections in the middle of the room - or leaving bottles of bleach lying around at the bottom of kitchen shelves - or etc etc etc. She's daft.

TimeWasting · 08/08/2012 11:28

YANBU.

Also, getting rid of all the ornaments etc. reduces amount of time to spend dusting. I highly recommend it. Grin

Original poster
KissMyEmbroideryHoop · 08/08/2012 11:33

I'm slightly biased as have very few ornaments and only have paintings on walls and not photo's propped on tables....but this is so simple to manage with small DC....

OP posts:
NoComet · 08/08/2012 12:03

Some DC can not resist fiddling.

DD1 didn't break things, but you very quickly learnt not to give her the chance.

Everything had to move. No had no effect, slapped fingers had no effect.

No malice intended she just compulsively has to touch things and pick them up.

It's honestly taken until she was 12 before you'd take your eyes off her.

DD2 played with toys and looked round ships and other peoples houses. She doesn't have to pick everything up.

NoComet · 08/08/2012 12:05

Shops not ships.
Mind you DD1 fiddled with things on ferries and tried to escape her pushchair to run riot on a boat trip.

FallenCaryatid · 08/08/2012 12:09

Like chirpchirp, I can usually tell how tall the children of the house are by the tideline of objects. Because most of my friends are sensible about that sort of thing.
We had fragile and special things high up, and stuff that we didn't mind being fiddled with lower down. Trained them to be careful and sensible, but it took a while and there were a few accidents.
No anger though, they were not damaging on purpose.

Onthebottomwithawomansweekly · 08/08/2012 12:19

I lived with my parents for the first 5 yrs of DD's life, so it wasn't my house to rearrange IYSWIM. I could see accidents waiting to happen but knew that even if I followed her round ALL the time something would still get broken.

At 2, she broke an Aynsley china photo frame (with a picture of her in it!) and something clicked for them. Breakables went up high and the odd thing she could reach was Blu-tacked to the surface. Ten yrs later when my Dniece and nephew were born, the house was still childproofed!

(I did replace the photo frame though)

Pandemoniaa · 08/08/2012 12:24

It's difficult to strike a balance between being driven demented by constant fiddling (and potentially breaking) ornamental stuff and at the same time, teaching children that they can't touch everything.

ds1 was one of those rare children who played with toys but didn't need to get his hands on everything else. ds2 was quite the opposite and needed watching carefully in other people's houses. He wasn't destructive at all but, like StarBallBunny's dd1 seemed to have a compulsion to pick things up. "Oops" was an unfortunately regular expression in our household.

However, I know that if I'd simply emptied our house of anything even vaguely ornamental, it wouldn't have helped ds2 learn that you can't fiddle with everything. A friend of mine kept her house so devoid of stuff that her dcs were a complete nightmare when they visited since in their house nothing was out of bounds and they applied this principle to any house they were in.

How much stuff you put out of reach depends on the age of the child though, doesn't it? You can't expect an active toddler not to explore but at 2, you ought to be able to at least discourage destruction. If this is impossible and you can't find a kind way of discouragement that works then things should be moved.

DGD (19 months) is increasingly aware of what she shouldn't have (not that this stops every attempt to disappear with said items) and the other day when I picked up the remote control she promptly said "No, Nanny. Naughty!"

derekthehamster · 08/08/2012 12:28

Ds1 was a fiddler, ds2 wasn't. I still struggle with ds1 (12) in shops!

Pandemoniaa · 08/08/2012 12:30

I can only say that there are times I have (wickedly) enjoyed the irony of ds2 attempting to keep his daughter away from things. "She's into everything!" he said when she started walking. "Hmmm", thought I, "I wonder who she inherited that from!".

Imnotaslimjim · 08/08/2012 12:37

My DS(6) still fiddles with everything, he just can't seem to help himself.

My house is childproofed for that reason, and I think your friend is mental if she thinks she can get away with not doing with a meddling 2 year old! Some kids fiddle, some don't, nothing you can do about it!

cantspel · 08/08/2012 12:43

I never moved anything when mine were younger and didn't have any problems with wanting to touch or fiddle with things.
As they had always been there they were nothing new and exciting so they just were not interested.
When they were babies i would carry them around showing them everything and as they reached out for it i would say No mustn't touch and move their hands down. Then when they got to the toddler stage they had already learnt to leave them alone and nothing ever got broken.

Arseface · 08/08/2012 12:45

Am a bit Confused by this. Have never put things out of reach of DCs but they do know what they are and are not allowed to touch. Eg, DD (2.6) would love to empty out my make up bag but knows those are Mama's things.

We also have dogs that the DCs have to learn not to grab/pinch/poke, esp when they are sleeping.

I do keep obviously dangerous things like knives and meds out of reach but not normal cleaning products, expensive make up, precious pix, books or ornaments though.

On the other hand, if something did get destroyed I would not be angry or doling out punishments. I'm also not that attached to stuff generally but do have things of sentimental value I teach the DCs to be careful with.

I would let them see that I am sad about my thing being broken when they are small or expect them to make amends when older. DS (11) broke my sunglasses through utter silliness yesterday so has done some extra jobs around the house to earn £7.50 to replace them.

Willing to accept I may just have been really lucky with mine and will have to childproof madly when the twins I'm expecting become mobile but there really haven't been many breakages, spillages or smearings!

Do your DCs really live in houses where they are allowed to touch everything within reach with no restrictions?

What do you all do with your DCs when visiting childfree houses/shops/museums etc and there are things within reach that they are not allowed to touch?

lljkk · 08/08/2012 12:50

yanbu & yabu. It's the whinging about it that would drive me mad, that part is U.

Friend went on and on about "What's wrong with saying No?" when it came to toddlers fiddling. It worked for Friend's mum (she had big gap between 2 quiet girls who didn't even walk until 16 months). But of course, it means you have to be prepared to say No again and again and again and again and again and again (and again and again and again and again) because plenty of toddlers will just keep trying, and those with poor impulse control may keep up the fiddling until they reach double digits. And if it gets to the point that the toddlers outnumber you, Just saying No probably won't cut it.

adeucalione · 08/08/2012 13:54

I think I agree with your friend. I never wanted to be one of those people who couldn't take their toddler to a child-free house, shop or restaurant without feeling like a breakage was inevitable. My DSis used to ring ahead to say she was on her way, and that we were to move anything valuable! Instead I taught both of mine that there were certain things that they couldn't touch, and it wasn't difficult or particularly time consuming to do either.

hackmum · 08/08/2012 13:58

YANBU. I always get irritated by people who say "Well, the child has to learn" and then get more and more wound up when the child doesn't learn.

You can't reason with two year olds. If you want to keep your ornaments safe, put them out of the way. It's simple. When the child is old enough to understand she isn't to touch them, bring them down again.

MorrisZapp · 08/08/2012 14:06

My in laws have a collection of miniature ceramic owls, very cute. They store them in an open fronted display case, at adult hip level on a wall above a side table.

Years and years of children desperately grabbing/ trying to grab the owls, and the tearful scenes that follow, have never yet prompted them to think about moving the display case up the wall.

I don't know what my point is.

cantspel · 08/08/2012 14:08

You might not be able to reason with a 2 year old but they should be quite capable of understanding the word NO.

CatchTheFox · 08/08/2012 14:19

i do not fancy saying NO one billion million times to my 22 month old when I could just save myself the aggravation and move whatever it is out of the way. pick your battles, i say.

bobbledunk · 08/08/2012 14:32

I hate having kids in my house who can't keep their hands off my stuff, worse are parents who don't stop them. Mine had a habit of pulling everything out for a while, she's given up now because I make her put everything back immediately so it's not worth it. For the first week she was tidying up about 30 or 40 times a day, now she just finds something better to do.

If a dog can be trained then a child can, my child is more intelligent than any dog so there's no excuse. You just have to teach them, it takes time and it's constant, especially for the nosier, more curious types of children but they have to learn if you want them to be welcome in other peoples homes and/or wish to live in a decent one yourself.