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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid with my DP for leaving our DD in the bath unattended?

75 replies

whoopwhoopbib · 07/08/2012 19:37

DD is 20 weeks old and whilst in the bath uses a frame with a towel cover on it as a support.

DP just shouted me from upstairs to ask for a flannel which I took to the bottom of the stairs for him to take from me. I asked him if he had left DD in the bath, not meaning it for one second thinking she would be in her room waiting for him, and he replied yes which I thought he meant in a jokey way because you just wouldn't do that.

He has just brought her downstairs and I asked him where she was whilst he was at the stairs and he said in the bath! I have just shouted at him because I cannot believe he thought this was ok, his response was to say nothing happened to her.

I now don't feel that I can trust him to give her a bath but he says I am over-reacting.

OP posts:
polkadotsrock · 07/08/2012 20:06

yes, he is learning. it doesn't come naturally to everyone and he's not a bastard for a mistake. Take it you've never made one yourself, big or small?

honeytea · 07/08/2012 20:06

Would a small baby not hold their breath under water?

Sirzy · 07/08/2012 20:07

Its at least 3 years to early for him to be considering leaving her alone in the bath even if just for the time it takes to stand at the top of the stairs waiting then go back up and down (which actually isn't really a short amount of time considering what could have happened)

YANBU to be annoyed, I would be livid. When you have calmed down explain to him the risk of drowning and how quickly it can happen (which should be pretty damn obvious anyway)

TheProvincialLady · 07/08/2012 20:08

20 MONTHS is too young to leave unattended in a bath. 20 weeks is just beyond stupid. It is concerning that he can't see the problem.

JollyHockeyStick · 07/08/2012 20:11

So where is the line? Do you have to be with 1m of the bath at all times? Or touching them at all times? Is it ok to turn round to get the toothpaste then turn back? At what age do the 'rules' stop applying?

Just so I'm clear.

GnocchiNineDoors · 07/08/2012 20:11

I have this frame for my dd. I never even take my hands out of the water when she is on it as although it is a support and they can't really go anywhere, there is always that chance that they could roll off, slip forward etc.

It was idiotic of him.

JustFabulous · 07/08/2012 20:11

If my 7 year old knows you shouldn't leave a baby alone in water then it is a very sad state of affairs that a grown man doesn't know, polkadotsrock. And I never said he was a bastard.

And no, I haven't ever made a "mistake" which has put my child's life at risk.

BertieBotts · 07/08/2012 20:12

20 WEEKS, yes he is being unreasonable. It only takes a second to drown, and she can't even sit up yet presumably. So he needs to be (if not actually holding her) within grabbing reach at all times.

He should have shouted to you to pass him the flannel.

However, no harm was done on this occasion, but just make him aware he must never do it again! I have only just started leaving my almost 4 year old in the bath to grab things, and I make him talk or sing to me while I'm out of the room Blush

I wouldn't stop trusting him completely, unless he thinks that this is absolutely fine and you're overreacting. If so, it might be worth asking the health visitor or something? He might be more inclined to believe you if there is a health care professional backing you up.

gobblegobs · 07/08/2012 20:13

Jesus OP YADefNBU!
Just this evening I bought a new bath chair. It said on the wrapper "don't leave children unattended even for a second". I pointed out to DH "who is going to be stupid enough to do that?"
He needs to know can never ever leave a baby in the bath alone, or with another child, in case he doesn't know that either!!!!

FamiliesShareGerms · 07/08/2012 20:13

YANBU to be damn cross with him. YWBU if you decided that he couldn't be trusted ever to give her a bath again.

Sirzy · 07/08/2012 20:14

I can't believe people are trying to justify this at all. Being a parent didn't come naturally to me but i was still more than capable of realising the dangers of leaving a baby in the bath alone.

Jollyhockeysticks - until a child is old enough to be fully trusted to be sensible in the bath then they need an adult within grabbing distance.

kim147 · 07/08/2012 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JollyHockeyStick · 07/08/2012 20:16

Thank you for answering my question, Sirzy :)

Isityouorme · 07/08/2012 20:17

If he has learnt from this mistake, fine.

If he still thinks you are over reacting then he is a fucking twat.

WhoWillDoMyHoovering · 07/08/2012 20:18

Yes, you should be livid ... but don't show it. He needs to understand how vital it is that your DD is watched 100% of the time but try not to go bonkers at him. It sounds like he's not aware of the danger rather than being aware but very gung-ho. So let him know gently but firmly NEVER NEVER to leave her. Then maybe suggest a couple of bathtimes done together so that both you & he are reassured? If you go mental he might not want to do it again,and it's nice that he does Smile.

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2012 20:20

I was also going to mention changing tables- if he would leave he in the bath, he might also leave her on the changing table.

20 months is the perfect age to learn new tricks such as rolling....

samithesausage · 07/08/2012 20:20

I was always told you had to be no more than an arm's reach away from a babe in a bath.
It's proved a useful rule for me because my son went from a sitting position to underwater in milliseconds! I managed to lift his head out of the water very fast!
Hopefully your OH has learned his lesson and won't do it again!

LiegeAndLief · 07/08/2012 20:21

I used to work with someone whose baby drowned in the bath. I don't know the circumstances as perhaps unsurprisingly she didn't talk about it much but my god would you ever forgive yourself? Or your dh if he was in charge?

Original poster
whoopwhoopbib · 07/08/2012 20:22

Thank you for your replies, I am now waiting for him to come downstairs so I can show him this thread to prove I'm not just following a rule for no reason.

OP posts:
polkadotsrock · 07/08/2012 20:26

whowilldomyhoovering has said what I meant, in a much more articulate manner

Original poster
whoopwhoopbib · 07/08/2012 20:29

He has now refused to read the thread as he said he realises that he made a mistake and me labouring a point isn't going to make any difference.

OP posts:
BlueCanary · 07/08/2012 20:32

He did a stupid thing, and I'm sure he won't do it again. Lesson learnt.

I'm not so perfect or proud that I can't admit to doing silly things now and again. When I was on holiday, I forgot to take DS's armbands to the pool one time. I told him not to go anywhere near the deeper section of the pool (shallow end was only a few inches deep) and watched him like a hawk. I lost concentration for 2 seconds whilst DD was calling for me and I didn't notice him moving towards the deep bit. Luckily I realised just in time as he was about to slip under the water and got to him just in time (as he was going under Shock)!!!! Total heart stopping moment.

When DH got to the pool shortly after (with the armbands!), he didn't shout at me for being so irresponsible. He gave me a hug. I can honestly say I will NOT be letting DS anywhere near a pool (even a shallow one) without armbands until he can swim like Michael Phelps.

SirBoobAlot · 07/08/2012 20:34

Fucking hell. No, DNU. Shocking.

NagooingForGold · 07/08/2012 20:40

YANBU. I have had similar with DH :(

It's hard to know how far to go with 'massive bollocking' isn't it?

Moominsarescary · 07/08/2012 20:41

My friend was bathing her 4 month old and 16 month old a few months ago. She got the 16 mo out the bath to dry her, leaving just a couple of inches in the bath so the baby could lay down without the water covering him.

The 16 mo then toddled off and she remembered the fire in her bedroom was on so ran after her to bring her back, incase she toddled near the fire.

She said it was no longer than 20 seconds, probably not that long but the baby decided that it would be a good time to roll onto his face under the water.

He was going blue by the time she got back but luckily he's fine. Babies find it alot easier to slide, roll in water. A baby can drown very quickly.