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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt by this friend completely ignoring a text I sent her?

33 replies

WoodlandHills · 07/08/2012 07:47

Back story - I have been friends with her for over 20 years, we were "best friends" growing up and in our early 20's, we were inseparable. Our parents were best friends as well. Now we are early 30's life, kids, relationships etc have got in the way so the last few years we haven't been as close but when we did meet up it was like we had never been apart.

I was hoping we'd get to meet up over the summer holidays with the kids so I text her last week to see if she was free to meet up and she replied that she was a bit busy and had her 2 stepkids staying (she has 3 of her own kids too) so was a bit manic but maybe could meet next week. Fair enough, I completely understood. So yesterday I text her to see if she still wanted to meet this week and let her know what days I was free. And she has not replied. She is one of these people who always has her phone on her, she facebooks on it all the time and since I text she has done several facebook updates so I know she will have seen the text.

I just really miss her. I guess I haven't moved on as much as she has, I haven't got that many friends really, I am quiet and shy and find it hard to meet people and get close, whereas she has got loads of friends. And I guess I wish we were as close as we once were, and I wish she still thought as much of me as I do her.

I sound a right saddo don't I :(

OP posts:
DuckingHell · 07/08/2012 07:49

Maybe she saw your text and was busy and thought she'd reply later and just forgot? I have done that a few times.

Hesterton · 07/08/2012 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Niceupthedance · 07/08/2012 07:52

I would have read her text as saying she was too busy to meet this week, so probably didn't feel the need to tell you again that she couldn't meet up.

JumpingThroughHoops · 07/08/2012 07:53

Try phoning.

debka · 07/08/2012 07:58

YAB a little U.

She may have seen it and forgotten to reply- I do this all the time Blush, it says more about me than the person who texted me.

Ring her up!

Hopeforever · 07/08/2012 07:59

Perhaps one of the kids dropped her phoned own the loo, she's lost it, can't find the charger etc. With 5 kids she must be v busy. Don't take it personally

megandraper · 07/08/2012 08:00

Hope you're not talking about me! I have 3 DCs and frequently fail to reply to texts, not because I don't care/don't like the person but simply because I don't have time when the text comes, tell myself I'll think about that later, need to wait to check the different activities happening next week, get swept away by the million pressing things to be done, finally remember the text about 3 weeks later.

Cut her a bit of slack, and don't make her feel pressured - as other things in life ease off, there will be more space for your friendship again. Long term friendships can take a bit of ebb and flow. There's plenty of time ahead for you both.

SoupDragon · 07/08/2012 08:01

Phone her!

WildWorld2004 · 07/08/2012 08:02

I do this all the time. I will reas a text think i will get back to them later but forget.

You have just reminded me to reply to my sisters text. Give her a phone but she probably is just busy with the children.

Bearandcub · 07/08/2012 08:02

I do this all the time, I really don't mean anything by it. I just can't seem to find the time to think about responses unless it's between 11-5.30 when everyone's asleep and there is finally some peace and quiet.

But, if she's got 5 kids with her perhaps she's a bit stressed too to contemplate when to fit in hosting. Try again and other to help out, see what happens?

And you don't sound like a saddo at all.

Bearandcub · 07/08/2012 08:04

*offer rather than other- I need sleep and failing that rum

peggyblackett · 07/08/2012 08:05

I always forget to text back. Its not a reflectionon the person who texted me, its my manic, sleep deprived life.

Phone her!

HecateHarshPants · 07/08/2012 08:14

Pick up the phone and call her. As others say, there could be any number of reasons why she hasn't returned your text.

Original poster
WoodlandHills · 07/08/2012 08:21

I honestly daren't call her in case its just that she doesn't want to meet up and just doesn't want to tell me Blush

And I hate making phone calls, I am much more of a text person (see above re shyness)

Ironic really as years ago we would spend HOURS on the phone to eachother :(

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 07/08/2012 08:26

Urnbu
I think it's really rude when people ignore / forget to reply to texts
It's one of my pet hates.

Margerykemp · 07/08/2012 08:27

Send her a message on Facebook instead. I often forget about texts and find fb a better way of keeping in touch.

NCIS · 07/08/2012 08:53

Are you sure the text has been received? A text came through on my phone which had been sent a week previously, it said ' ok see you in the car park' from my DS so definitely wasn't one of those that had been sent to make it seem as if he had replied IYSWIM. This isn't the first time it has happened.

Goodness only knows where it had been in the interim.

anice · 07/08/2012 08:58

I did this to a friend recently and the reason was something bad was happening to me that I didn't want to tell anyone about just yet, but I didn't want to sort of lie either by pretending that all was ok when it wasn't. Maybe your friend has a good reason and its not a reflection on your friendship?

iscream · 07/08/2012 09:07

Send her a facebook message asking "Have you recovered from all the kids yet? I am dying to catch up with you, reply soon xxx"
Or something along that line.

SoupDragon · 07/08/2012 10:26

Maybe she thinks you aren't bothered because you haven't phoned.

BT, I don't like phoning either due to shyness.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/08/2012 10:33

I think that text is a great invention, but I despair when I see all the threads from people who are "hurt" that their mates have not responded. What did we do before text? We picked up the phone and made arrangements!

Typing out a long winded reply on text is annoying. And making arrangements to meet is best done over the phone. It can be done in less than 2 minutes, but with text, it can take for ever, back and forth waiting for replies, it is much more time consuming than a phone call.

Half of the time I get texts trying to make arrangements to meet up, I just sigh, and reply something non committing like "let me know when you meet and I will see if I am free" as I just cannot be bothered to take part in the whole text palaver. Also, if you are talking to somebody on the phone, you can multi task. You can get on with dinner, or walk down the street, or do a whole range of tasks while talking, but texting require your full attention, you need to stop in your track, and do it. It is so annoying.

Being hurt at somebody's failure to reply to a text is really lacking in empathy and understanding. Navelgazing. But that is just my view.

Catsu · 07/08/2012 10:44

Normally when I take a while to reply to something it's because I want to give if proper thought, check my diary etc before responding rather than because I can't be arsed.
If she actualy didn't want to see you then she probably would have replied straight away saying no, sorry. Bet she's trying to juggle things to fit you in :-)

GoldWithADragonTattoo · 07/08/2012 10:52

I honest don't view text as an instant method of communication (like the phone) I view it more like an email which you can reasonably take time to reply to. She probably didn't have her diary to hand and either forgot or is intending to reply soon :)

GetOrfMoiRing · 07/08/2012 10:55

Could it be that she is like me and a complete spanner? I have a blackberry and very frequently open my text inbox, skim over the texts so they turn unboldened (iyswim) - so it looks as if I have read the text but I haven't. I then get irate texts from dd or whoever because they think I am ignoring them. Could it be that she hasn't seen the text?

I would give it a day and then facebook her.

GetOrfMoiRing · 07/08/2012 10:56

I never reply to texts immediately either, despite having my phone on me at all times.

I don't know why really, I am not being an ignorant bugger. Just take my time.

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