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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids on back of big motorbikes ....???

167 replies

MrsEricBana · 06/08/2012 23:01

It is DH birthday today and for his "birthday treat" he is hiring a big motorbike for next weekend. He not ridden for 14 years but back then he did have a big bike for 2 years or so and rode it a lot with no mishaps.
So he wants to take ds (11) and dd (9) out on it next weekend and I am not at all happy about it.
The plan is that he picks it up and rides it for a couple of hours to get the hang of it then he takes them out, round the block at first the further afield, on country roads, if they are comfortable with it. The man at the (reputable) bike place who will hire it to him said not safe for dd as she cannot reach the footrests properly but ok for ds. Dh has some plan to reverse the footrests so she can reach them.
I am not at all happy about this and have tried to put my foot down re the dcs going on it but dh is just not having it. I am not keen for dh to do it either but obviously no leg to stand on there, it's up to him. I would be less worried if he was a regular rider now (and dd could reach the footrests).
WWYD, dh thinks I am far too risk averse generally?

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 07/08/2012 08:47

Riding pillion is a skill in itself.

The lack of experience and the whole 'big bike' novelty would make me say no.

I rode pillion from about tim age of 8 and would be happy for ds to go out with my dad but I think your dh should just enjoy riding on his own.

Original poster
MrsEricBana · 07/08/2012 08:50

So I have raised it with him (not ideal before work but wanted to give him time to change plans if necessary, hire different bike or whatever). He is incandessent with rage and has spent 15 minds screaming at me and says that I am a horrible woman, I do not trust him, I am far too risk averse, I am killing this family, how dare I listen to people I don't even know (experienced, impartial people I might say, who gave sound advice). I knew this would happen but still can't agree to it to avoid a scene. I did say I would fully support him doing it, take him there, fetch him if not happy after test drive, look after the dcs the whole weekend etc but he said he wants to do it to show the children a bit of what he was before, it's the thing he's been most excited about in 10 years Sad and I can't stop him.

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 07/08/2012 08:52

He sounds awful and it's quite worrying he can't accept he might be a bit rusty. The 'I'll be alright' attitude is the downfall of a lot of bikers.

Show him the thread.

honeytea · 07/08/2012 08:58

YANBU I would just say no to the kids doing it or my DP doing it. Infact I made my DP sell his bike before we started TTC eveil controling woman that I am I wasn't willing to make a family with him if he found it fun to risk his life.

jesuswhatnext · 07/08/2012 09:01

and this idiot has children? dear god!

Original poster
MrsEricBana · 07/08/2012 09:06

I think he thinks he is invincible JWN. He is very capable and has a successful company which he started from scratch and can turn his hand to anything,but this is different. I think had I not been generally far more risk averse than him it would not be so hard to put my foot down now when it really matters.

OP posts:
Fecklessdizzy · 07/08/2012 09:22

Hmmm. In his time DP was a headcase's headcase, but he's very paranoid when it comes to our boys ... Can you work on your kids not to want to go? Up thread it sounded as if they weren't too bothered.

Got to go to work now, good luck!

Original poster
MrsEricBana · 07/08/2012 09:39

Thanks FD. Kids are happy not to go but dh furious with me and thinks I will try to influence them and so make them over cautious in life generally.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 07/08/2012 09:40

Rage and screaming for pointing out that what he plans is in part illegal (DD and the footrests), and the rest unduly risky?

If you add a short temper into the mix, then this looks an even worse plan than it did last night.

Well done for standing your ground so far.

badtasteflump · 07/08/2012 09:44

I wouldn't be happy with this - but then I'm paranoid about motorbikes anyway. If the DC were desperate to have a go I would literally let them ride pillion down to the end of our (very quiet) street and back - then they've had a go, end of story Smile

BarredfromhavingStella · 07/08/2012 09:46

14 years is a long time ago, YANBU.

The toddler tantrum because you have aired your concerns about your DC is a whole other matter Hmm

Binkyridesagain · 07/08/2012 09:48

Country lanes, inexperienced rider, novice pillion, a Harley and then a man who now has something to prove.
No way would I be letting my children anywhere near him and the bike.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/08/2012 09:52

Christ on a bike.

Motorbike in fact.

Sad

I really feel for you. He has a massive head, and a massive ego, and no sense.

Why on earth does he need to show the children what he was 14 years ago?
It is not like he really was a biker? He rode a bike for two years of his life, it is not in any way representative of who he is! He has not ridden a bike for 14 years, fgs! He only rode it 2 years! How old is he, 4? 6? If he was six he could say I was a biker for 1/3 of my life....

But he is, like, 40? It makes the 2 years of riding look ridiculously insignificant.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 07/08/2012 09:53

out of practice biker + inexperienced child riding pillion = accident waiting
To happen IMO. No bloody way would this be happening with my Kids regardless of the size of the bike. Very slow circuit of the culdesac would be as far as I would be prepared to negotiate.
I'm not a biker but I do know a fair few and have seen 3 fatal accidents amongst friends and acquaintances in the last 10 years. Not to mention the non fatal accidents with serious injuries.

MrsKeithRichards · 07/08/2012 10:04

he thinks he's invincible

for that, and that alone, he shouldn't be on a bike let alone with young inexperienced pillion.

I hadn't realised he'd only rode for 2 years. Why did he give up? Tell him to speak to some real bikers, see what they think of his plans.

Original poster
MrsEricBana · 07/08/2012 10:17

When we got married he wasn't using the bike much so he kindly swapped it with a bike mad friend for a car for me to use. This is often mentioned but was in no way my idea though of course I was very grateful.

OP posts:
CherylWillBounceBack · 07/08/2012 11:31

Male biker perspective.

He is being extremely foolish. Motorbikes are not pushbikes - after 14 years not riding he'll find a hand clutch quite a challenge (muscles in your hand that you don't normally use),the weight frightening and the power incredible. If he's at all cocky about it he's even more at risk of dropping the bike, more likely at walking pace than high speed - and you can double that chance if you've got a pillion on the back.

I wouldn't stop him having his fun, but he needs a complete head check if he thinks taking kids out on it immediately after 14 years not riding is sensible.

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 07/08/2012 12:02

Have just read this and I think he is crazy in how he is approaching this - far too much of a gap from when he used to ride a bike and his attitude is far too gung-ho. I love bikes and being on the back of them - but this is because I can trust the rider, who has the current experience on the bike.
The anecdotal stuff about accidents I'm sure is people in middle age that are trying to recapture their youth - and finally have the money for the big powerful bike but then find that they have lost the strength and road sense to be able to handle these bigger bikes, road conditions, other idiot car drivers. And to add to this he wants to put his kids on the back - one of whom is too small for it to be safe.
He should hire the bike and have a play himself. If he still loves it then he should get his own bike, ride it regularly and then consider taking his kids out.

p.s. I know the roads around Bristol and Chew Magna - lovely but very twisty with some great straights - classic territory for a bike, but equally classic accident territory if you overestimate your riding abilities

frustratedpants · 07/08/2012 12:31

I would say no no NO WAY would I let someone who had not ridden in over 10 years take my kids on a bike.
I ride and so does DH, so not anti bike or anti pillion dd1 has been riding pillion since she was 5, fully kitted out and reaches foot pegs with ease, and only ever in short trips, 15mins max and gets the full rundown of what to/not to do every trip.
DH has been riding almost daily for the past 15 years, and has been off a couple of times idiot taxi drivers both times he does not think he is invincible and does not take any risks when he has a pillion. I trust him to take dd out.
I have been riding a lot less, and have only taken dd out once, (5mins).

I think your DH needs to have a lot longer back in the saddle than a couple of hours before he even considers taking ds out.

There are a lot more idiot drivers on the road than there were 10years ago, and unless you are riding frequently, I think you loose that awareness.

Also think his childlike strop screaming at you Would send me warning signals and confirm his unsuitability to make calvulated risk assessments whilst riding. I would not allow him to take my children out.

OP YA definately NBU

UKSky · 07/08/2012 13:14

If he's so adamant that he's right, get him to post on a biker forum such as www.advrider.com and see what the general consensus of experienced riders is.

Tell us where you live and I'll send round some biker mates to show him the error of his ways.

Just keep saying no. Shouting and screaming makes it all even worse in that he has not even thought about the dangers this is posing to his children.

Socknickingpixie · 07/08/2012 13:29

so his own wife says not a good idea, man in shop hiring the bike says not good idea, lots of unconected strangers who are not bike phobic say not good idea.

but he shouts and screams like a 5yo,and he thinks its a good idea Hmm

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 07/08/2012 13:40

Can you speak to the hire shop and throw youraelf on their sympathy. Maybe they could tell DH (without mentioning that you spoke to them) that hire assumes no pillion, and if he does then it will invalidate any insurance. And make him sign something legal.
Alternatively, could DH hire a motor trike (I have no idea if they are safer though)

Original poster
MrsEricBana · 07/08/2012 14:06

Thanks again for all your advice. I am sure it is a no now, so will have to hold my ground and suffer the consequences in terms of his fury with me. I feel quite calm about it now as I can see that he is being totally unreasonable, which I had suspected from the outset, but as I am not a biker I wan't sure.

The risk thing with kids is very tricky as must allow them to do things and not smother them, but there must be limits. At Easter they went Coasteering in Pembrokeshire and was certainly alarming BUT they were with instructors who do it every day and know that stretch of coast like backs of their hand at high tide and low and so they appeared to be in safe hands.

A lesson for me here is to try not to say no so much so that when something is simply not on I can take what is seen to be more of a reasoned stand rather than a blanket no to anything vaguely risky.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/08/2012 14:35

How would you (and the dc) feel about them hiring mini motos? They'd be able to hire the essential gear and be with an instructor, off road, and surely that would more clearly demonstrate to the dc the kind of fun biking can be.

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 07/08/2012 14:42

p.s. am just on google (and can't find any fun but safe activities for adults and kids on motorbikes) But I did find some pretty good guidelines from ROSPA regarding kids pillion on a bike - especially the bit at the end
'Riders should consider taking advanced or refresher training before carrying a pillion for the first time. ' which I think equally applies to someone that hasn't ridden in the last 5 years...

www.rospa.com/faqs/detail.aspx?faq=435