Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that people could at least be polite to my DS

152 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 06/08/2012 22:25

on holiday recently with 2yo DS2. He is a chatty little fellow and I was amazed by the number of people who just ignored him when he wandered over for a chat. Whenever a child speaks to me I will always respond, even if we don't speak the same language.

Makes me rather irritated that when he is being friendly he gets ignored. I suppose some people just don't like children.

OP posts:
janey68 · 07/08/2012 14:05

I think the answers to the above posts have been explained.

It wouldn't be a problem if it was a quick hello and that was it. Not all parents can be relied on to step in and steer their child away. And because children are- well, children they don't always recognise social boundaries. I have smiled and said hello in the past and then been subjected to a barrage of 'what are you doing?' or repeated hellos, or just standing close and staring. I am not blaming the child for any of these things by the way- they don't understand about personal space etc . They need to be taught. Until I can guarantee all parents will react appropriately, I'll continue to (politely) ignore unwanted attention

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/08/2012 14:05

It would be ok if you could get away with ""hello, nice Teddy" and then on your way"

But its not always possible
I have in the past done the "where is mummy?", "Mummy wants you" and for persistant toddlers the guided turn and easing them away, on one
occasion with a very persistant child "whose child is this? I think that they are lost"

The truth is that I am not interested in your child.

CleoSmackYa · 07/08/2012 14:10

I smile, say hello, and if they seem to be lingering I ask them where their parent/adult/babysitter is.

I just really don't like other peoples kids.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/08/2012 14:13

If a child is too persistent I just say that I've got stuff to do, and send them back to their parents. I'll only engage as long as I want to.
It's easy, I'm the adult, they're the child.

Ephiny · 07/08/2012 14:18

How I'd respond to a random adult wandering up to me for a chat depends on the context, I guess, and the sort of signals they were giving off. It's not something that happens very often (unless you count 'chuggers' Hmm).

Personally I've never actually experienced a persistently bothersome child (though I've seen it happen to other people) but maybe that's because I give them absolutely no encouragement/acknowledgement from the start!

Foshizzle · 07/08/2012 14:21

I'm struggling slightly with the idea that on this thread it is absolutely acceptable for an adult to express an unwillingness to participate in a conversation, but "on the other thread" it would be churlish for a mother to be annoyed at a stranger picking up her unwilling child "in the name of fun", while the child who expresses an unwillingness to participate in physical play is seen as churlish.

Random.

yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 14:25

Foshizzle different people on the thread?

YusMilady · 07/08/2012 14:27

I wouldn't have a clue what to say to a child. The poster who said 'just talk to a child like you would to an adult' obviously knows very different adults to me. Speak to a toddler about the weather, the Olympics, whether to book a late summer holiday in Menorca? I think not.

Some people have very limited (or in my case, no) experience of young children. Don't take it personally.

Foshizzle · 07/08/2012 14:34

yellowraincoat a lot yes, but also quite a few crossovers, and a few who I think felt emboldened to be rude to the OP there based on some of the comments on here, despite the fact that the overall gist of this thread doesn't actually support their view.

Just odd.

cinnamonnut · 07/08/2012 14:43

I have played with random toddlers who have come up to me on holiday. Doesn't bother me at all :)

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/08/2012 14:54

It is interesting though, that the tone of the thread is entirely dictated by those who participate. So ask the same question another day and you'll get a different response.

Just goes to show there is no stock MN response.

I suppose that because I am sociable and like children I expect other people to be the same. Not getting into a long convo about the weather, but smiling at and talking to children who say hello, and then knowing how to end the chat and send them back to their parents.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 14:56

I'm not sure why anyone would expect people to be the same as them, when it's obvious we're all different.

I know how to end a chat as well - I just don't want to talk to people I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm an unsociable person, I have friends, go to parties etc, but I'm not really fussed about random chats.

RubyFakeNails · 07/08/2012 14:58

Well yes but thats like society isn't it. Very rarely is opinion not divided on any issue.

I'm very sociable, I have lots of friends, I do chat to people and I have an active social life. However I don't like children, its burden enough to put up with my own. Having to talk to another persons child especially if I'm enjoying my precious social life is too much to ask for me.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/08/2012 14:58

how do you make new friends then yellow if you won't speak to people you don't know?

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 15:03

It's really hard OP, because obviously when I start a new job, or go to a party, or meet a friend of a friend, I simply ignore these people because I don't know them.

When I said people I don't know, I think it was quite obvious that I meant "people I don't know and am unlikely to ever see again" but sorry if I wasn't clear.

It is also, sadly, unlikely that I'll ever become BFFs with a toddler.

Mumsyblouse · 07/08/2012 15:05

Oh god, I'm so desperate for a baby/toddler, I actually make eye contact with small children hoping they'll notice me and smile/chat. How sad is that?

Foshizzle · 07/08/2012 15:07

YY Funnys. Zackly!! This is what I was trying to tell the OP on that thread.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/08/2012 15:10

that sounds very arrogant yellow. So if the person speaking to you is likley to be of no future use or interest then you ignore them?

Besides the toddler may turn out to have very interesting parents. I would say that it pays to keep an open mind.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 15:11

I was being sarcastic OP.

GlassofRose · 07/08/2012 15:13

I think it depends when and where!

I'll smile at other people's toddlers, say hello and maybe have a chat. However I was in Nandos the other day with my partner and there was a child who came over to us several times during our meal chatty and running back and forth, it was quite annoying. Especially when his parents were ignoring him and carrying on with their meal.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/08/2012 15:15

you weren't being sarcastic when you said this - "people I don't know and am unlikely to ever see again". If you were then your definition of sarcastic is somewhat different to mine.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 15:16

Gosh OP, you're really taking this seriously.

Sorry that I am not exactly the same as you. I live in London, I'm not desparate to make new friends, I don't really know what the problem with that is.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 07/08/2012 15:52

ah London. I understand

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 07/08/2012 17:24

Please tell me you don't work in a field that involves any need to socialise and influence others? Picking and choosing which social constructs you want to adhere to probably involves a vast amount of intellectual and personal insight, but will invariably piss most people right off.

Who said anything about picking and choosing? Some people are born with a different functionality in connections and therefore do not adhere to the same artificial social rules.

If a complete stranger gets pissed off because I don't interact with them on their terms at a time they decide, irrespective of my feelings, that's their problem.

MrsHelsBels74 · 07/08/2012 17:26

I always find it odd if my son (2.6) interacts with someone & they ignore him. But I guess not everyone finds him as irresistible as me Smile