to wonder how large families cope?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

As DP has just started a new job (paying a bit more than his last one) we have been looking at our finances. With already one toddler in the house and a baby on the way, I am really panicking about money. The pay rise has put us just out of qualifying for HB. So all we get now is CB and some tax credits. But the pay rise isnt equal to the amount we have lost IYSWIM.

Im not judging anyone at all. Im genuinely interested in how families with two or more DCs cope when only one parent is working and those wages are pretty much the only income?

Surely when xmas and birthdays come round its a struggle? We live in a modest house, the cheapest we could find for what we need. We have went down to one car as DPs job is closer to home now. I make meal plans etc and stay within a budget for food. But at the end of the month there is basically nothing left. DP has holes in his shoes fgs!!

How do people live reasonably comfortably without getting into debt and still manage to save a bit each month for a rainy day?

I think you cut down on all unnecessary expenditure now - including any take-aways, frothy coffees, even parking etc - and plan your food so that you eat well on a budget. Spend as little as poss on baby things (easier when you are on your second) and do all the free/very cheap activities for toddlers rather than spending money on entertaining them. It's easier to bring up children cheaply than most people seem to realise. I do think it helps if you can go back to work part-time once the baby is a year old though. I think childcare vouchers start from aged two now, which is a bonus.

It's okay to be a bit poor when your dc are little - it is still a lovely time in your life.

People see different things as necessary.

We don't have a car at all...we live in a London borough and don't need one. Yet most of my neighbours would never get rid of their cars and don't even walk to the local shop which is literally 3 minutes away.

I think that's why there are so many WOHM parents, who would live to be SAHM but cant make the figures add up.

Personally I always knew I would continue to work, but as a family of 5 now (plus animals!) we could not afford for me to stay at home, even if I wanted to.

We don't exactly live a life of luxury, even with us both working FT, we are no longer qualify for tax credits as we "earn too much" and childcare for the youngest in the holidays is costing us £100 per week.

But I guess we are better off with 2 salaries coming in each month, when my DH was made redundant a few years ago, it was really hard to live on just my income. Not impossible but having literally 67p in the bank 5 days before payday, and having to pray the electric didn't go out before then was hard.

worra same here. I see my neighbour driving her dc to school every day, which is 5 minutes away. I don't think a car is essential in London, I don't have a car because driving my DC to school would take longer than walking, what with the traffic and finding parking, there's no free parking where I work, it would cost a fortune to pay to park every day, and I drive DHs car if I have to.

Saves a fortune in petrol, insurance, tax, repairs etc.

Wow do i fit into large family category now i have 3?
i think for me i have less time but other than nappies dd hasnt cost us much as we already have everything from ds and dd1. I guess childcare will be a pain when i return to work but ive never had 2 in childcare at the same time. Shes also a january baby so jan sales will help keep birthday costs down.

I think a lot of it depends where you live and whether you come into the boundary for tax credits etc. Whether you buy and shell out on a mortgage or are subsidised through HB. Whether you have pensions and life assurance or house insurance to maintain or fly by the seat of your pants hoping for immortality and hope the roof never caves in.

Eg: 20K in London won't go far, 20K in Blackpool will IYSWIM (and I base that on the fact my cousin bought a whole house for the small equity left over from the sale of his flat in Brighton) and is now mortgage free.

I have to say, the third child is the killer with regard to finances. Especially if they are all of school age.

OP, just a suggestion but will there be any benefits at his new job that will be classified as salary sacrifice, e.g. pension contributions, childcare vouchers. The result is that you voluntarily sacrifice some of your salary, so you have a lower salary, saves tax and NI, but employer then pays the pension contribution, vouchers up to the value of his total salary? If may mean that you drop below the HB line again? Not sure if this works with benefits but it may be worthwhile looking at it, or it any MN have any experience of it.

We have one salary and 3 DC, large mortgage for a house we bought before we had twins, only planning on one more and got two. Blew the idea of my going back to work out of the water. Finding it difficult and just hoping I can find some work in a year or two when they go to school.

To us the car is a necessity as we live in a rural area and need it just to be able to get to the shops. We dont buy magazines, takeaways, I havent had my hair done in over a year. We dont have sky tv, home broadband/landline. We use PAYG phones on the best tariff we can find.

DD gets toys at xmas/birthday. We go swimming occasionally, but apart from that its usually out to the park/beach. We paint, bake buns (which then do DPs lunch) etc. So really not expensive stuff.

I am eager to go back to work when the baby is nearly a year. DP isnt keen (though not sure why) but finding a job which will pay enough to cover childcare and that will fit in around school pick ups etc will be difficult.

I really dont think I could cut anymore corners :o. DP wants another child in the future, but (and I hate this notion) we both know we simply cannot afford it.

Is there room in your food budget? I've started making a LOT of soup. Cheap, healthy and vegetably and easily bulked up. And we don't have meat every day. And have cut down on the vino and overpriced frothy coffee

And car boots and charity shops can yield nearly new toys and they really don;t care that young where they come from. It's just finding the time to save money I struggle with....... I really don't know how people manage.

Also - change your gas/leccy supplier regularly, run the car insurance through compare the market - we save circa £450 this year doing this. And try and save to pay insurance in one lump as they whack interest on monthly dds - Bastards.

I wouldn;t give up the car if you can afford it. Family trips out essential, even if it's just a picnic somewhere

Ah, x post - hope my advice is useful for someone but obvisously not you OP. Goo dluck wiht the job hunt

i would look at a sim only contract . PAYG is Expensive.

Pretty much the same as wannabe. Went down to one car three years ago, do have broadband but only one mobile phone at £5 p/m. Have been managing but have been crying most of morning because DC is going to grammar school in Sept and I don't know how we will pay the bus fare. I've done the budget and it just isn't working .

I dont think there is that opportunity where he works trying. Its a small family run business. As hes only started I dont even really know if hes paying into a pension or how much that would be! Thanks for the suggestion though, I will definately look into that!

Your best option would be to work to fit in around your DH's hours; not ideal as it means less family time overall but needs must and all that. When my oldest was little I worked Mon-Friday evenings, and a Saturday morning, as childcare is so expensive and it made a big difference to our finances with me working those hours.

What is your DH's career plan for the future? Or yours? I think the only thing you can do, if you want to be better off financially, is try to plan your careers to enable you to be better off in future so that you feel you are aiming for something.

I only have 3 but for Christmas - plan carefully and get things bit by bit - as soon as summer is over really - September to Dec with a bit paid off in Jan. With Christmas over - save for the DC next birthdays.

Plus toddler age they really don't mind second hand.

Plus save for known expenses - shoes, school clothes, plus some put for trips and other things.

Didn't have a holiday for many years - now spend all year saving for it.

We had cut back on present for adults in the family - to token but DH has recently upped that again for his family as there were significant dates and it was made clear we were expected to make more of an effort.

DH has a pension, house is insured including content but I don't have pension or life insurance. We don't drive, don't live in a great area though costs here are starting to rise here as having to start paying for the DC on transport and while we walk a lot sometime it just isn't practical .

We don't save an awful lot - though we do have a set amount in saving account it more holding on to what we have and saving very small amount for the DC.

Having said that friend in same location to us who had less DC, free family childcare and a much lower mortgage, a house with much less money needing spending on it and whose DH earned more than mine found she had to work as they couldn't survive without her wage.

I think any salary sacrifice also has to approved by HMRC, but not certain. . The key thing is that any sacrifice needs to be written into employment contract otherwise it is still taxable , and it does state you can't go back to teh higher salary.

Here is a list of things that would not be taxable (last para) which might help with trying's suggestion:
www.hmrc.gov.uk/manuals/eimanual/EIM42755.htm

Foad - that's awful. what are you going to do?

Really good suggestions on here. We have soup a lot. We just did a shop at the weekend for breakfast lunch and dinner for 6 days aswell as DPs lunch for work. It came to £70 which I thought wasnt bad for three. That included the monthly toiletry shop also (shower gel, shampoo, deodorant etc).

We do eat well in the sense we have variety and fruit and veg. Homecooked meals as opposed to chips and ... every night.

PAYG is expensive but I really hate bills :o. Atleast if some month we cant afford to top up we dont have to!

Also, although the woman at my work forgot to join me up this year (and you can only join through my work once a year) I hear costco are good if you have some space to keep everything

I guess if you have only one parent working, you save by not needing childcare, which is far and away the biggest expense for most working parents (especially those with several children).

If you're at home anyway, and therefore not earning anyway, would having three children really cost all that much than having two? Genuine question! If you really couldn't afford food, clothes etc for a third, I guess you just have to accept that you can't afford it, and stick with two.

I think you could cut your shopping back even further than that if you want to tbh. There are 5 of us, 2 adults, one teen and 2 younger children, and I can do a fortnightly shop for £100 for all 5 of us if necessary. We only have meat once or twice a week, and then the rest of the time I make soups, pasta bakes, quiches, etc. I often find Quorn works out cheaper than meat when it's on special offer.

RawShark Don't know yet. Have to stop crying and start thinking more rationally .
Will probably start by selling stuff on ebay. Then maybe evening supermarket job in Sept...

People have said we're mad letting DC go to grammar when there is a good comp nearby, but the grammar is one of the best in the country and we feel it will give Dc the best chances for the future.

Must remember 'we're all in this together' .

foad is there any hardship fund at the school at all? Might be worth asking to see if you can get some help with transport costs. There is one at my DD's school for help with school trips and big school-related expenses but it isn't publicised, parents have to ask about it.

DP is well qualified so his job options really are good. This new job he kinda fell into as its something he isnt qualified in but his boss seems impressed. Its already paying well and the salary is set to rise (planned company expansion) plus theres an opportunity to get another qualification out of it.

I only have GCSEs and some experience in retail management (which isnt well paid or child friendly). I have tried a few times to get other qucations but life seems to always throw a spanner in the works. I had seriously considered an OU degree next year. But I need to work as soon as I can so Im really not sure how I can improve my prospects!!

:o hexagonal. How do you do it?

In our shop this week the only meat I bought was ham (for dps lunch) mince (one 400g pack will be bulked out into two dinners, cottage pie and chilli) and bacon which is for two dinners also.

I shop in asda. Its the cheapest locally.

That really is awful foad but I would do the same if it was me. Education is important!

I guess it also comes down to what the household worker earns. Living off 20k with 3 children will be a struggle, whereas 120k (or whatever) with 4 or 5 children will be kind of cruisy.

Of course 120k with 1 child would be....I can only imagine, actually!