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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD - wedding reception no kids 'situation'

84 replies

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 12:01

Not sure if I'm being PSB (precious second born) or not so am garnering opinion!

We've been invited to friends' wedding in September, with our DC (2yo & 3 months). No DC are allowed at the evening reception due to small size of venue - not even the newborn baby due a few weeks before :(

Anyway we know this & understand its tricky to accommodate everyone; the bride & groom have v helpfully offered to organise a babysitter for the 4/5 young children within the venue, as the reception starts around their bedtime (7pm).
The babysitter would have all the DC in one room, alerting the parents downstairs in the reception if their DC needed settling.

My DC are pretty good at staying asleep (at least for the first part of the night anyway) but I'm not sure if this would happen if any of the other DC woke/started crying etc.

Also I'm not totally sure about leaving them with an unknown person anyway.

The alternative is for me to stay in the bedroom with both DC and miss the reception. I don't really mind, but just wondered if there's another way?!

OP posts:
numbertaker · 06/08/2012 13:46

I would not go. Weddings are supposed to be a multi-generational celebration.

thisisyesterday · 06/08/2012 13:57

pineapple i think you're reading too much into it!

no-one has suggested that only breastfeeding mums can be close to their babies. But when you breastfeed your baby then it makes it harder for them to be away from you simply because other people cannot feed them,.

even if i had been formula feeding i would not have wanted to be separated from such a small baby either, but from a purely practical viewpoint it would have been easier had I chosen to

thisisyesterday · 06/08/2012 13:59

the can't fit them in thing is silly when you're talking about babes in arms though isn't it?

fair enough they don't want children sitting down and eating (although I do find it hard to believe they couldn't squish 4/5 little ones in)
but a tiny baby doesn't need a chair, it's going to be held on someone's lap or in a car seat or something surely?

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 06/08/2012 14:01

Ok, if he is closer friends and you don't want to leave with the sitter, I would wait in the room. Can you get an interconnecting room? Then you could get room service and watch TV. Maybe go down for a bit of a boogie later, swap with DH for an hour at 10pm or so.

RaisinDEritrea · 06/08/2012 14:06

It will be fire regs limiting numbers I expect, non-negotiable

I would want to know the plan if you were needed by the nanny - would they cone and fetch you (leaving a room of tinies) or would they text you?

Mrbojangles1 · 06/08/2012 14:07

Well in my view they have done all they can to try and get you to come to the wedding And gone above and beyond what they really should do so you either expect the babysitter or get your own

Original poster
BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 14:07

I don't think anyone else is of the slinging type (not that im implying there's a type or whatnot) so maybe they'd get offended if I had DS with me but they couldn't have a pram.

OP posts:
Original poster
BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 14:09

Oh yes I know they've been very helpful, no problems there. Just needed help trying to make up my mind what to do Smile

OP posts:
Chandon · 06/08/2012 14:15

In that situation I would have gone home with the 3month old, or not have come at all. But my Dc were bf, so nt much choice.

Their choice if they do not want babies, but then dont count on bf mums to be there either.

Chandon · 06/08/2012 14:17

Actualy, I would all of u s go home in the afternoon in this scenario.

CaseyShraeger · 06/08/2012 14:29

Pineapple, you've got that the wrong way round. BF tiny babies need their mother around because she's their source of food just as FF tiny babies need their bottles of milk around. And the tinier the baby the more often it needs to feed (even more so for BF than for FF). In general mothers of tiny babies will feel much the same about it (that is, some will feel happy leaving baby all night, some wouldn't dream of leaving baby even for half an hour, others will fall somewhere between those two extremes, and that will apply whether they are BF or FF). But it's only the BF mothers who will also have to deal with the practical question of whether they can leave the baby.

OP, I'd look at booking your own sitter in your own room and then play it by ear - if the children are happily settled then you can enjoy the reception, but you can also pop up to feed/settle them or decide that it's just not working out and send the sitter home.

Yama · 06/08/2012 14:31

I wouldn't sit in a hotel room while everyone else was partying. I wouldn't leave my 3 month old with a babysitter.

I probably wouldn't go. If it were near enough I would go to wedding and tea party and then drive home.

DumSpiroSpero · 06/08/2012 14:39

Could you say to the bride that it's a lovely idea and would she like you to take the pressure off her as she's so busy with everything else by organising it?

If she gives you the names/emails of the other parents who need childcare, you can contact them re practicalities and costs and make sure you get a suitable, qualified child-minder that you are all happy with which will put your mind at rest to a large degree on that front and might make the whole issue fall into place a lot more easily.

Rachog · 06/08/2012 14:55

I would go with the sitter that has been arranged, if the dc won't settle then take them back to your room and take turns with dh sitting with them for an hour.

Mrsjay · 06/08/2012 15:35

I think your friend is very thoughtful to organise the babysitter but you know that too Smile why dont you try it I am sure the baby sitter is qualified and can look after children and you are just down stairs so not far away, dont worry about them being put of routine it is adifferent place for them , the routine is broken anyway, the alternatives areyou don't go or get your own baby sitter , try it and see how it works

wriggletto · 06/08/2012 15:42

What is the third way you're hoping someone will suggest that is entirely NBU? That you keep both children with you throughout the reception?

Rhubarbgarden · 06/08/2012 15:49

"Weddings are supposed to be a multiple-generational celebration"

According to whose rules? Yours? What a load of crap. Weddings are about two people making a commitment to spend their lives together. How they choose to celebrate that and who with is entirely up to the couple in question.

RuthlessBaggage · 06/08/2012 15:55

Either you look after the children, or someone else does.

I'd suggest that the "no-children" evening reception will be boring for children, unlike a "children welcome" evening do which might be tailored slightly differently. The children need to be absent in the evening, for their own sakes as well as everyone else's.

I have previously been in this situation: I took the DCs back to our hotel room at 8pm ish and settled in with the tv and WiFi, safe in the knowledge that they were secure and happy. DH stayed out and had a wonderful evening not worrying about the children, safe in the knowledge that they were secure and happy.

At a previous wedding I spent the entire hour I was away from DS1 (who was upstairs in the exclusive-use hotel) with the monitor against my ear. I had zero fun and was utterly antisocial.

numbertaker · 06/08/2012 16:44

A tad aggressive. Weddings are traditionally a family affair. Every wedding I have ever been to has been open to all children invited, including my own.

Yes, thier wedding, thier rules. Sound like control freaks to me.

ceres · 06/08/2012 16:56

numbertaker -the majority of weddings i have attended have been child free.

i don't like lots of children at weddings and can't understand how anyone finds hordes of kids on the dance floor cute. but clearly plenty of people, on mumsnet at least, enjoy having children at weddings.

to each their own. there is no right or wrong way but everyone is entitled to their preference - particularly when they are paying.

anyway in this case the children are included up until the evening.

Mrsjay · 06/08/2012 16:58

most of the wedding i have been to the children are away by 9pm a relative or somebody picks them up or parents go home IMO a night time do isnt really for children 1 they would get bored and 2 a few too many drunk people around,

sancerreity · 06/08/2012 17:25

I went to a wedding like this and was a bit Hmm about the childcare arrangements beforehand, especially as it was in another non English speaking country. I have to say though it was fine the children had a whale of a time although not too much sleeping went on!! I had a 2.5 month old and she was loved being with so many older children!!

btw 3 months old isn't a newborn !!!!!

poorchurchmouse · 06/08/2012 18:06

I think, in your shoes, I wouldn't go. DS was a complete Velcro baby and wouldn't settle in his cot in the evening till he was about 4 months - before that he had to be on me or DH (mostly me as the cluster feeding went on a long time - longer even than I'd been warned about on here). We watched a lot of bad TV in his first few months of life! I would have contemplated leaving him with someone who could give him 1-1 attention, but not a shared babysitter. Would you be able to go home at the beginning of the evening or is the wedding too far away for that?

sancerreity, I don't think by "newborn" the OP means her own baby, she means another even smaller one who also isn't allowed at the reception.

thestringcheesemassacre · 06/08/2012 18:11

Just went to a wedding and a mate had a 4 week old upstairs in the hotel with her dad. She would just go off every hour or so to check and breast feed etc. And grandad had a lovely night of cuddles and tv watching. In a posh 5 star place. So I would say take a sitter with you.

Original poster
BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 19:05

Wedding is too far away to come home same night, the place looks lovely actually so half of me wants to make the most of paying a lot for the room by being there for more than just a few hours' sleep!

Since there's a month before the wedding at least I have time to mull it over a bit more, I might feel a bit more comfortable with a babysitter by then Smile

OP posts:
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