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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD - wedding reception no kids 'situation'

84 replies

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 12:01

Not sure if I'm being PSB (precious second born) or not so am garnering opinion!

We've been invited to friends' wedding in September, with our DC (2yo & 3 months). No DC are allowed at the evening reception due to small size of venue - not even the newborn baby due a few weeks before :(

Anyway we know this & understand its tricky to accommodate everyone; the bride & groom have v helpfully offered to organise a babysitter for the 4/5 young children within the venue, as the reception starts around their bedtime (7pm).
The babysitter would have all the DC in one room, alerting the parents downstairs in the reception if their DC needed settling.

My DC are pretty good at staying asleep (at least for the first part of the night anyway) but I'm not sure if this would happen if any of the other DC woke/started crying etc.

Also I'm not totally sure about leaving them with an unknown person anyway.

The alternative is for me to stay in the bedroom with both DC and miss the reception. I don't really mind, but just wondered if there's another way?!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 06/08/2012 12:25

i would politely decline i'm afraid.

I wouldn't have willingly been separated from any of mine when they were 3 months old (mainly because they were breastfed)

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 12:27

Hmm that's my gut reaction thisisyesterday - I'm happy enough to stay up in the room with them so I imagine that's what we'll do. Much easier, if a little boring for me!

OP posts:

ViviPru · 06/08/2012 12:28

Having been to two weddings with a sitter looking after 4 or more little ones it really did not work out well

Tell us more, Eldon your experience might help the OP decide?

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 06/08/2012 12:33

I would try and get my own babysitter for your room. eg family member. then you may get to go to some of the reception...or you can go to the recception and take your plate upstairs to feed.

depneds on how much you would like to go. I think I may stay at home with a nice takeaway if ti was going to be hideously expensive to organise stuff.

ViviPru · 06/08/2012 12:34

not even the newborn baby due a few weeks before

Has this been categorically stated? I only ask as the bride and groom in your scenario sound reasonable, accommodating and clued-up to a degree. It might be that they feel its easier to just put a blanket no-children policy across the whole evening but haven't fully thought about the implications of your BF. It might be that an open and reasonable discussion with them might result in a more favourable outcome for you.

They might decide that if you're the only one BF, then they will make an exception for babes in arms. At our wedding, we're unable to accommodate children other than family at our wedding due to capacity, but I am clearly stating that babes in arms are welcome as 3 good friends will be nursing at the time. (Fortunately, no one with a baby has other children so there will be no awkward split family situations)

I only mention this as the situation might seem more manageable if you're only needing to make provision for your 2y/o.

Loshad · 06/08/2012 12:37

OP said she was ebf - surely you can then leave dc2 with a grandparent, and start building up your stocks now?

foreverondiet · 06/08/2012 12:38

Personally I would get another room and my own babysitter for a baby this young and then just pop upstairs to feed when necessary. Or leave baby with someone else if can make it work with feeding.

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 12:39

Sadly it has been categorically stated, I spoke directly to the bride about it. My 3mo is not even the youngest there as I said. I offered to put him in a sling but she said they have to have a blanket policy so as not to upset other parents.
I'm but understand how tricky these things are to organise.
At our wedding we had about 20 kids - great fun!

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 06/08/2012 12:40

We went to a wedding like this and it was brilliant. Baby sitter settled all the tinies in one room, then went next door to supervise the slightly bigger kids watching a DVD, obviously popping between every few minutes. When a baby woke up she called down for the parent who could go up and feed, etc.

They all slept really well, I put mine to sleep in the buggy then slid him into the bed (with three of his little baby pals, wish I'd got a photo!).

The sitter was a qualified nanny btw.

How much does your lo sleep? Even if it's a case of popping her down with the nanny for a couple of hours you can still then take part in the wedding, and then maybe just take her into your room and stay with her after the second feed?

ViviPru · 06/08/2012 12:43

Ok fair dues. I can see it from both sides I guess.

How flush are you? Couldn't you just 'suck it and see' with a babysitter? I.e. book and pay for one for your room, but with the idea in mind that you may well decide to swerve the evening to look after them yourself? Then you've got all eventualities covered and can just see how you feel on the day...

CotedePentathlon · 06/08/2012 12:43

In your place, I'd nip upstairs and see the children are settled myself, then back down to the rest of the reception, knowing the children are in safe hands and that I'd be notified if either should wake or need personal attention. I'm sure you could organise for you to eat in the room if need be. Your friend does sound very accommodating, so that shouldn't be a problem.

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 12:44

If they went to sleep in the shared room, we'd have to dissemble the travel cots, take to our room then assemble again etc.

I'm finding excuses now aren't I

OP posts:

longjane · 06/08/2012 12:45

I would do as some suggested the bits the kids are invited too and forget the rest
if you have stay overnight as too far to travel home i would stay some near but kid friendly ie you could take the kids to dinner and then go and enjoy the room with you DH forget the wedding

I don't see the the point in joint babysiter as there will parents coming and going all evening and no kids will get get to sleep

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 12:45

Vivi I think that's the best solution

OP posts:

EldonAve · 06/08/2012 12:48

I would not assume that the hired sitter is qualified unless you hire them yourself

We had an 18 year old looking after two babies, a 2 yo & 4yo
Both myself & the other mother were constantly back & forth to the room

ViviPru · 06/08/2012 12:51

At least that way, you take away any niggling worries. I bet on the day you'll be so swept up in the atmosphere you'll be glad of your babysitter, but it's hard to make that judgement way in advance. I guess you might have a slight concern about how it looks to eschew the provided childcare in favour of your own but I don't think you need be concerned. You could just be quite vague at this stage about your plans to the couple.

Have a great time :)

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 06/08/2012 12:54

The hotel might have several travel cots to use, OP.

Do you know what your ideal solution is, other than taking the kids along to the reception which is not possible?

No need to worry about being PSB if you get your own sitter - whatever works best for you is fine.

Sariska · 06/08/2012 12:56

I had a similar situation when my eldest was 6 weeks old. The bride and groom arranged a crèche staffed by qualified nannies for babes in arms. It worked OK inasmuch as I got to eat my meal but I spent most of the rest of the time in the crèche feeding, and one of the nannies had to hold my baby while he slept; he was an unputdownable Velcro baby. That was do-able because there were several nannies but I don't know what would have happened if there hadn't been.

When similar situations have arisen since, I've either been able to take the baby or have declined. It's too much hassle to be separated from a young BF baby IMO - and 3 months is very young still. Also still within the colic age range, which wouldn't be great with one babysitter and a load of other kids.

Rhubarbgarden · 06/08/2012 12:58

Could you see if you can book a bedroom immediately above the function room where the reception will be and see if a baby monitor signal will work? We did that at a wedding last year and it worked brilliantly.

RillaBlythe · 06/08/2012 13:01

Ooh. I wouldn't willing leave my ebf 3 m.o with a sitter either tbh.

We went to a wedding recently that had a crèche & 3/4 crèche workers, ball pit, toys stc... When evening came they got out mattresses & put a DVD on & settled the kids in front of the telly - some went to sleep, there were some babies being rocked in prams etc. the crèche was there for parents to use if they wished, so my 3 yo went in & I kept the baby with me.

Anyway, in your situation OP I would have my own babysitter for my kids in their room. Have done that before when dd was about 8m & it worked fine.

TheSmallClanger · 06/08/2012 13:18

Please don't guilt-trip the bride and groom into letting you bring your baby.
We did not want babies at our wedding. Heartless, perhaps, true, definitely. Largely due to one of my relatives who never shushed hers or took her out, but partly just because we didn't want buggies or baby talk.

AnnaRack · 06/08/2012 13:30

Hmmm if that was me in your situation I'd decline the invite. It's a kind gesture but I woudln't want to leave such young DC with someone I didn't know - even if they are qualified, experienced etc - and wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy the evening.

How well do you know this couple? Do you know them better than your DH? Whoever is closest to the couple goes, the other stays at home wth the DCs.

AnnaRack · 06/08/2012 13:30

How well do you know this couple? Do you know them better than your DH? Whoever is closest to the couple goes, the other stays at home wth the DCs.

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 06/08/2012 13:34

We are both equal friends although DH works with the bride, so I guess he would stay at the reception if I ended up staying up in the room with the DC.

The bride has 5 DNephews who'll be there too, she's not anti-DC in any way, just literally can't fit them in the reception.

OP posts:

PineappleBed · 06/08/2012 13:43

I wouldn't have left my DD with a sitter now at three months and she was FF grinds teeth at idea that always read on MN that only bf-ing mothers want their tiny babies close by then gets over self

I'd take it in turns with DH you can trade between courses and just get someone on the table to make sure the waiters don't take your plate away whilst you're swapping.

Don't do something you're uncomfortable with because of social pressure not to be psb

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