To expect MIL to treat her two children equally?

[InelegantlyWasted]

MIL has been to the Olympics twice this last week. She bought the tickets last minute the nights before she went. On both occasions she saw Team GB win medals.
On both occasions she took SIL. DP didn't even know they had gone the second time until I mentioned it. I know for a fact that if my mum had tickets to the games she would make sure she could take both me and DSis or she would at the very least discuss with us whether we would like to go or not beforehand.
I only have one child but I can't even begin to imagine having tickets to once in a lifetime events like this and to take one child but not the other! AIBU?

I am assuming these "children" are adults.. YABU.

you're joking, of course. she's obviously from the same school of parenting as my parents.

Yes, they are adults. Would it be unreasonable if they were children?

Yes, if they were children, it would be very different.

But surely if she buys tickets it's her business who she takes. And indeed very kind of her to take anyone else at all. If your dh wanted tickets, why didn't he buy some?

Would you have been bothered if she'd taken anyone other than SIL?

YABU - I'd go to the olympics, my brother would poke his eyes out with hot pins. DH wouild go to the olympics, his brother would throw himself off a cliff.

You seem to be upset on your DH behalf. So YABU.

it is not unreasonable if she has different relationship with them, does she normally catch up with sil for coffee, film park or whatever and this is an extension of that?

I agree, it's totally different from treating children differently.

Did your DP even mind?

I'd assume if she got tickets at the last minute, maybe she chose SIL for any one of dozens of trivial reasons like she answered her phone first, or she'd mentioned she was free that day, or your MIL thought she might like cheering up?

The fact they won medals is certainly beyond her control!

Why should a parent only treat her offspring equally when they are children Squeaky? Why is it acceptable to obviously favour one over the other once they have reached adulthood?

Why could your husband not buy his own ticket?

Maybe they wanted a mother and daughter trip out, they get on well, and enjoy each others' company. Does this mean whenever she goes anywhere with her daughter, she has to do the same with her son on another occasion?

You are all adults, but my god, you sound immature!

Do you work out the cost of xmas and birthday presents too and get the hump if sister gets something more expensive?

because they have a different relationship. Imo it is not necessarily favouring. Fo r example does a mother have to make sure she visits her kids houses an equal amount when she feels more comfortable in ones house?

if one is more in need of her company at that stage, or is being a greater support to her or she has confided stuff in is that wrong should it be all her kids or nothing?

if she goes out regularly with one of her kids for lunch etc, but not with the other then the relationship will be different.

what efforts does your dh make to her compared to his d sis, that makes a difference too.

I agree, it is beyond her control that GB won medals
I guess I am upset on his behalf. He says he doesn't care, he knows his mum prefers his sister to him and he'd rather just let them get on with it and have nothing more to do with either of them. He's probably right, I will get over myself a bit and let sleeping dogs lie. Not really any of my beeswax anyway.

I think as adults, the relationship is different and it's not a case of treating exactly the same or buying the same things. I know my mum has sometimes got tickets for something and gone with my brother; at other times she's seen something in a shop and bought it for me.... I'm sure she doesn't feel she has to square things up exactly the same.

As adults you are not living within the same family any more. You have created a new family. I think that makes a massive difference in dynamics. When it comes to major things like inheritance it would be awful to treat children entirely differently, but for gifts, tickets, meals out? No.

Adults have different interests; on the assumption my children were adult and I had a gash ticket , I'd take THE ONE who loves sport above the others.

But isn't the point that, when children are little, they do not always understand 'equal' and need 'the same'. You're not going to convince a 5-year-old she isn't getting an ice cream when her brother is, that it's happening because in all honesty she doesn't like the flavours and won't enjoy it as much.

But once we get to be adults we usually learn that equal treatment doesn't have to mean doing everything exactly the same. Maybe the MIL does other things with/for her DS?

Since the OP only describes two incidents, very close together in time, it's really hard to be sure that the MIL is being unfair at all.

Oops, cross posted, janey said it better.

He couldn't afford his own ticket Squeaky, I guess you are right though, I guess I am being immature - I just felt he might have liked to have been asked if he wanted to go.
And no, I don't work out the cost of Xmas and birthday presents. That's I whole depth of immaturity even I cannot presume to plum

I don't think you're being immature.

Whilst with adult children, to a degree it's each according to their need, rather than everything equal across the board, when it is a purely social thing (and a pretty much once-in-a-lifetime event) it wouldn't hurt to be even-handed.

It would hurt me too.

Does SIL have a partner/husband? Does she have kids?

Yes, she has a husband a two pre-school children.
She has also never shown any interest in sport until last week (like most of the country perhaps ) whereas DP is, and has been into sports since childhood.
Families.........who'd have 'em?