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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect MIL to treat her two children equally?

35 replies

InelegantlyWasted · 05/08/2012 23:14

MIL has been to the Olympics twice this last week. She bought the tickets last minute the nights before she went. On both occasions she saw Team GB win medals.
On both occasions she took SIL. DP didn't even know they had gone the second time until I mentioned it. I know for a fact that if my mum had tickets to the games she would make sure she could take both me and DSis or she would at the very least discuss with us whether we would like to go or not beforehand.
I only have one child but I can't even begin to imagine having tickets to once in a lifetime events like this and to take one child but not the other! AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/08/2012 23:58

If he couldn't afford his own ticket, perhaps she presumed he couldn't afford travel, lunch, drinks etc too?

Maybe your SIL can or maybe she's closer to her and has the Olympics as a common interest?

Either way, grown ups shouldn't be offended at what their parents choose to spend their own money on and for who.

Noqontrol · 05/08/2012 23:58

Agree with you op. but I'm lucky to have a mum who would think about this stuff, and ask the second time whether I'd like to go.

squeakytoy · 06/08/2012 00:00

Maybe your MIL just wanted to have a trip with her daughter then.

Most of my friends who have brothers usually have a closer relationship with their mum than their brother does. I would say that is fairly normal as you get older.

My stepchildren are adults and my husband spends more time with his son than either of his daughters. The girls spend a lot more time with their mum than my stepson does. None of them ever feel shortchanged or left out.

scarlettsmummy2 · 06/08/2012 00:08

I doubt it is favouritism, but probably your mil didn't even think as she is so used to going on girly days outs with her daughter and wee ones.

I have a younger brother, who I actually think is my mums favourite, but her and I go out all the time without even thinking of inviting him. Nothing as grand ad the Olympics, but certainly to the theatre, days out etc. unfortunately it is what mums and daughters often do and I bet your mil didn't think of it as a once in a lifetime thing but just another day out with her daughter.

InelegantlyWasted · 06/08/2012 00:09

That's true Squeaky - good to get someone else's perspective on this. I don't expect SIL would be getting her knickers on a twist over having missed 18 holes of golf with her dad and her brother would she? Grin

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/08/2012 00:12

There you go then! :)

zipzap · 06/08/2012 00:59

Even if your dh can't afford ticketsmaybe he could ask your mum how she managed to be so lucky as to get tickets as he has been looking but not found any and that it would be so fantastic to go and experience it all, soak up the atmosphere etc. (would he only want to go to stuff in the Olympic Park?) and that her tales of being there have made him even keener than he already was to try to see something.

Then maybe if she manages to get a third set of tickets she might consider taking your dh with her. And in the meantime your dh can continue to look for tickets and be unlucky in finding any reasonably priced ones. It might not have occurred to her that your dh wanted to go, but dsis might have been talking about it with your mum and then they enjoyed it so much they though they'd do it again.

Do you know if your mum treated sis or did did pay for her own tickets? Maybe she knows your dh can't afford to go and she didn't want to embarrass him by asking and him not being able to go or finding money when he shouldn't - or dsis paid for her ticket. and would your dh be able to go at short notice?

Of course it sucks if your mum does treat you differently - regardless of whether it is intentional or not - when it is something like this that is potentially a once in a lifetime thing and that means a lot to you. I wouldn't try to treat my kids exactly the same as they have different interests and like different things but I do try to make it equal in the end.

And I can remember my dad coming back from a trip abroad with a bottle of perfume each for me and my sis. He happened to know what her favourite was so bought a bottle of it for each of us - despite my mum pointing out a different one that I liked that was a different price. He didn't want to get it fore as he hadn't heard me say I didn't like the other one and I did like it - on my sis, but it wasn't something i liked for me. The one I liked was cheaper for a smaller bottle thant sis's or more expensive for same size but dad didn't want me to think he was buying me less or spending less and he didn't want to pay lots more for the same size. As it was I would have been much happier with a small bottle of what I liked and maybe a tonlerone thrown in for good measure :o because it worked out that I got nothing (didn't like the perfume so have it to my sis) and she got 2 bottles.

However at least I knew that my dad would have been really upset if he realised what had happened and he had made his choices because he wanted to treat us the same!

Moominsarescary · 06/08/2012 11:00

I think as she went twice she should probably have taken sil to one and your dh to the other

halcyondays · 06/08/2012 11:41

Yanbu

vj32 · 06/08/2012 11:51

I find it quite unbelievable to be honest.
Thousands of people are on the stupid website every day and not getting anything, and she manages to buy two lots of tickets? Very unlikely.

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