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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: Septum Piercing and 18 yo dd

37 replies

floramckitchen · 05/08/2012 19:18

I am having an attack of guilty conscience and think I may have been a bit unreasonable.

My 18yo dd went and had a septum piercing 3 days before her 18th birthday. As soon as I saw it I burst into to tears and insisted that she remove it. Anyway, we had to go back to the piercing place and they took it out.

Now I feel bad and bit like I overreacted (although it did look bloody awful!). DD says she is going to get it redone again and I can't do anything about it. AIBU?I should probably just put up with it and keep quiet. It just upsets me so much

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 05/08/2012 19:20

She's 18. Whatever you think about the piercing, you've really no right to object beyond saying you don't like it. I'm amazed that your dd was prepared for you to humiliate her by taking her back to the place that did it. And yes, I'm almost certain she'll have the piercing done again. Then what will you do?

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 05/08/2012 19:20

Was it like this?

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2012 19:23

I hate those piercings but still think YABVU

Mind you, I can't think why the hell she took it out anyway?

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 05/08/2012 19:23

She is 18 she should be allowed to have it if she wants it. How embarrassing for her to be marched back to the shop like a toddler

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 05/08/2012 19:25

She's 18 and it's her body. Crying like that was a terrible bit of emotional blackmail, but I think you realise that.

You might think it looks awful, but she doesn't. You have a right to express your opinion on it, but no rights to let that influence what she does or doesn't do to her body. You need to apologise. You don't have to back down on your feelings, but you need to say sorry for your actions over them.

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 05/08/2012 19:26

I also think you should pay for her to get it redone.

GhostShip · 05/08/2012 19:26

I honestly can't believe you made an 18 year old do something against her wishes.
At what point does she become an adult and able to make her own decisions without you overiding them?

GhostShip · 05/08/2012 19:27

I concur with pets. You should pay for it to be re done.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 05/08/2012 19:33

I don't blame you at all for getting her to take it out again. YANBU. What will future employers think of it?

I appreciate that legally she is an adult blah blah blah but does she still live at home? Do you support her? Is she financially independent? I think that those sorts of issues play a role, too.

But then maybe I am BU.

Original poster
floramckitchen · 05/08/2012 19:35

I must admit I felt justified at the time and sure that it should come out. But now I've had time to think about it I do feel v guilty. I just hated it so much it was a huge relief when it was taken out. I think I'm going to have to apologise. Waiting for her to come home now.

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 05/08/2012 19:38

Yes, I agree that you should apologise, but then also perhaps explain why you reacted that way.

Hopefully you two can sort it out. Would it have made any difference if she had at least told you what she was planning to do?

Original poster
floramckitchen · 05/08/2012 19:38

She has a part time job and is due back at college in september. She paid for it herself and is also planning a tattoo as soon as she's saved up enough money....

OP posts:
hazeldog · 05/08/2012 19:40

YABU and risking a rebellion. I was the last girl in the whole school to be allowed even my ears pierced so it became a big thing and by 21 I had 30 odd piercings. Way to humiliate your adult daughter. That sort of overbearing drama queen behaviour is why I keep my mother at arms length.

usualsuspect · 05/08/2012 19:40

YABU. I'm surprised she removed it when you told her to.

CrispyCod · 05/08/2012 19:44

YANBU to have reacted that way, it must have been a shock for you but I think you realise now that she is going to do these things now anyway.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 05/08/2012 19:48

The thing is, this is the right time to do it. She's in full-time education. I'm sure she'll learn how to tone it down when she's looking for work, if she's looking in a field that doesn't appreciate it.

Original poster
floramckitchen · 05/08/2012 19:49

It just upset me very much and I was worried about other peoples perceptions of her and also worried about her work as visible piercings aren't allowed and tbh she is usually the drama queen in our house and I am the calm sensible one. Apart from this incident we have a v close relationship -although with lots of ups and downs !

OP posts:
Schrodingershamster · 05/08/2012 19:51

Im amazed she went along with it ! I remember my mum actually forbidding me to do x y z at that age and i just laughed and told her to deal with it !

gamerwidow · 05/08/2012 19:52

YABU you might not like it but it's your DDs body to do what she likes with I'm afraid.
If she wants to get it redone you should let her and respect her decision.
This type of piercing really isn't worth you falling out over, chances are she'll get bored with it in a few years and if she does it'll heal up in no time and no-one will be any the wiser.

AnneOfCleavers · 05/08/2012 19:53

It's quite easy to hide. I know a couple of people with them and they turn it up into the nose for work.

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 05/08/2012 19:53

Sorry but using emotional blackmail like that doesnt paint you as the non drama queen one.
It may well be that she got Bollocked at work for it but that should of been something she would of had to deal with, she may of decided to take it out as it would then affect future jobs. It should of been her choice.

MrsRhettButler · 05/08/2012 19:53

What's a septum?

MissPricklePants · 05/08/2012 19:54

I have erm 10 piercings. I am not a huge fan of septum piercings but she is 18, why does she need your permission to pierce her own body?!

AnneOfCleavers · 05/08/2012 19:55

MrsRhettButler

The middle of the nose. Like this picture: 3.bp.blogspot.com/-_6x0jbAgmqo/T1jv4l16o7I/AAAAAAAAPoQ/rpfrqVTVsdQ/s1600/Septum_16g_by_Rurekk.jpg

NarkedRaspberry · 05/08/2012 20:00

That was a horrible and utterly pointless thing to do. God knows what she'll have as a tattoo now - and where - because you can't make her remove it.

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