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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: Septum Piercing and 18 yo dd

37 replies

floramckitchen · 05/08/2012 19:18

I am having an attack of guilty conscience and think I may have been a bit unreasonable.

My 18yo dd went and had a septum piercing 3 days before her 18th birthday. As soon as I saw it I burst into to tears and insisted that she remove it. Anyway, we had to go back to the piercing place and they took it out.

Now I feel bad and bit like I overreacted (although it did look bloody awful!). DD says she is going to get it redone again and I can't do anything about it. AIBU?I should probably just put up with it and keep quiet. It just upsets me so much

OP posts:
Original poster
floramckitchen · 05/08/2012 20:00

She will get it done again. I know that now. I just need to take a step back and let her get on with it. Its her choice to make whatever I or anyone else might think. Thanks for all your comments ! I don't want to be a overbearing nightmare and end up pushing her away.

OP posts:
Wigglewoo · 05/08/2012 20:03

I understand why you reacted that way but yabu.

As others have said she's an adult.

Also, its very old fashioned to think employers etc will care. Most don't and if they are very old school most piercings and tattoos can be hidden or removed (as in piericings anyway).

My dh has ear stretches (holes in both ears, like tribal things) and full arm sleeves (tattoos down both arms) and has never had a problem getting a job in very high status jobs.

I myself have a huge tattoo on my ankle and my last job was a senior account manager of a large marketing firm.... And I wore skirts (for my interview too)!

Schrodingershamster · 05/08/2012 20:04

I also know someone with one of these and she has a very good gob in a pharma company. Didnt stop her.

JustFabulous · 05/08/2012 20:07

It is piossible you may have pushed her into going further now just so she can assert her adulthoodness.

getagoldtoof · 05/08/2012 20:12

Yes, yabu and you know it. Tempted to tell you to grow up, but that isn't helpful. What I will say to you is that it's the easiest facial piercing to cover up. You can flip it inside your nose, and nobody would guess you had it done. It leaves no visible scar. Mine is long healed but I loved it, and had anyone told me to take it out, I think I'd still have it in!

NagooingForGold · 05/08/2012 20:13

YABU.

you must win the 'most embarrassing mum' award Shock

I think you owe her a massive apology and you should give her the money back it cost her.

You were allowed to say that you didn't like it, and get cross that the shop didn't ID her. But 3 days? You over reacted massively.

TheWalkingDead · 05/08/2012 20:14

I think you should apologise - she is 18 and however stupid you think she looks, you shouldn't have been so forceful in your reaction by taking her to have it removed.

I know someone who at 19 had a tattoo with her boyfriends' initials incoroporated. They have now separated. She has just told her mother about it, despite it having been there for months as her mother hates tattoos so much that she told her, from a young age, that if her daughter had one she would throw her out. She was petrified of telling her mum and had felt terrible with no-one to turn to about how to rectify the mistake.

The mother is very vocal about her hatred of tattoos, even towards other members of the family who have them, and I think it's incredibly rude to be that disdainful of another adult's aesthetic preference. I know it's not the same situation, flora but it's not your decision to make, it's not your body and you may have hurt your relationship with the drama you've created.

kidcrayola · 05/08/2012 20:23

I think its better for her to get a piercing than a tattoo as if and when she gets bored of it, she can remove it and also with a septum piercing you won't see a scar. Another plus with this piercing is you can tuck it up inside your nose and hide it, so should she need to she can disguise that she has it. I had this piercing for years and im a teacher, no one at school knew!
Also I must aplaud your daughter for agreeing to take it out. At 18 I had my eyebrow pierced and was told by mum to take it out, I did and then rocked up a week later with a tattoo instead (with a well you can't make me get rid of that!)

FrenchRuby · 05/08/2012 20:36

YABU. It's her body.
And to those saying about employment issues, septum piercings can be flipped upwards if they are needed to be hidden, you can't see them unless you are looking directly up someone's nose, I do it with mine all the time.

FrenchRuby · 05/08/2012 20:37

Sorry kidcrayola didn't see your post!

MrsJohnMurphy · 05/08/2012 20:52

I really don't understand why you burst out crying Confused seems like a massive overreaction to me.

You should really pay for her to have it redone if she still wants it, why on earth does it upset you so much? You come across as a bit Hyacinth Bouquet, ooh what will some random person think of me, she is near enough an adult, it's not about you.

GetOrfMoiRing · 05/08/2012 20:54

You do need to apologise to her and say you know you acted childishly.

I am amazed that she took it out. Your display of tears must have made her feel very guilty.

I hate piercings but to be honest she is an adult now.

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