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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my mum to have my dog for 6 months

29 replies

Wiggypigs · 05/08/2012 11:56

I'm 26 and still live at home. My DP of 4 years owns his flat. We want to move in together but need a house with a garden for my dog. We are about 7k off the money we would need to afford the deposit for a house. We have worked out that if I moved in to the flat for 6 months, we could live off DP's wages and save all of mine which would give us the money we would need. Do you think IABU to ask my mum to have my dog for me during this time? It wouldn't cost her any money and she looked after her for the 4 years when I was at uni and loves her. I don't want to leave her but it's the only way I can see us being able to afford a house any time soon.

OP posts:

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 05/08/2012 11:58

Why cant a dog live in a flat? I have 2 dogs in mine and its fine

Birdsgottafly · 05/08/2012 12:01

I would just ask her rather than canvas opinions on here, tbh.

If she likes the dog and has done it before, then she will probably agree.

I would if my DD asked, but then we are a close family that help each other out.

delilahlilah · 05/08/2012 12:02

I don't quite follow why you can't stay where you are and save some of your wages each? His Council Tax will go up by 25% if you move in (assuming he lives on his own) for a start. Living at home is cheaper than most options. Alternatively, could he move in with you for 6 months instead? He could contribute to your household, and you both save. Assuming your Mum would be happy with that...

BonnieBumble · 05/08/2012 12:03

It depends on how your mum feels about it. There is a relative of mine who gets pets and then ends up palming them off to her mother, it annoys everyone because the mother doesn't want the dogs but feels she has no choice. If you feel that your mother genuinely would love having the dog then it isn't really an issue. Obviously you would still be responsible for walking the dog on a daily basis etc, your mother would just be responsible for putting a roof over his head.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 05/08/2012 12:05

I don't get why you don't save up while you are living at home with your mum? If you are planning to move out and live independently as an adult then you should take your dog with you IMHO

And why won't it cost her anything? Will you be paying for the flea treatments, worming, food, vet/insurance?

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 05/08/2012 12:05

I don't get why you don't save up while you are living at home with your mum? If you are planning to move out and live independently as an adult then you should take your dog with you IMHO

And why won't it cost her anything? Will you be paying for the flea treatments, worming, food, vet/insurance?

BMW6 · 05/08/2012 12:05

Your dog is used to your absence and is actually more your Mums dog than yours (as far as the dog is concerned) as it's always lived with your Mum.
If I were you I'd think about the long term future for your dog - when you move to live with your DP, if you are both working full time it wouldn't be fair on your dog to take him with you.

Original poster

Wiggypigs · 05/08/2012 12:13

My DP lives closer to my work so I would save money on petrol. I pay my mum rent where as would be living at DP's flat pretty much rent free. Hence why I would be able to save more money living with him. I pay for everything for my dog but won't be able to walk her every day as I work shifts so won't have time. My mum doesn't mind walking her as we have another family dog who also needs walking. I can't have her in the flat as no dogs allowed plus it wouldn't be fair on her as she is 11 and always lived in a house with a garden. I know it is up to my mum but I guess I just feel guilty as she is my dog and therefore my responsibility. Once we have a house she can come and live with us and I can take her to work with me so that's not a problem.

OP posts:

BonnieBumble · 05/08/2012 12:21

Perhaps your mum would be sad to see her go and would prefer to have the dog with her. I hear what you are saying about the dog being your responsibility but there is a difference between pushing her onto your mum and your mum having her because she wants to.

Have you discussed it with your mum?

BMW6 · 05/08/2012 12:53

Given your dogs age and that she is used to your Mum and the other family dog, I feel it would be best for her to stay where she is for the rest of her life and you visit her.

BMW6 · 05/08/2012 12:55

Suggest you make a monetary contribution towards food etc and take both dogs out for walks regulary to alleviate the burden on Mum.

HecateHarshPants · 05/08/2012 12:55

Just ask her, really nicely and make it clear that it is entirely her choice and no pressure is being put on her and you will accept without question, her decision.

No emotional blackmail, no I can't have her because of X, Y, Z or otherwise making her feel she has to say yes.

All you can do is ask. It's not at all unreasonable to simply ask her.

HecateHarshPants · 05/08/2012 12:56

oh yes, and BM is right - pay for the dog's food and commit to paying any vet bills, of course. If your mum agrees to help you - it shouldn't cost her anything.

Ephiny · 05/08/2012 12:59

Just ask her, it's the only way to find out.

What will you do if she says no, though?

squeakytoy · 05/08/2012 13:00

I cant see that your mum would mind. The dog already lives there. I would have thought the other dog would be quite upset to be split up too.

Birdsgottafly · 05/08/2012 13:02

I would also say that it makes more sense to live together befor a mortgage is shared. For that reason alone, it would be worth moving in.

Original poster

Wiggypigs · 05/08/2012 13:02

I'm a veterinary nurse so get all the food for both dogs plus all worming, flea treatment and vaccinations from work and I pay for it. I will be able to walk them on weekends and some week days depending on what shifts I work. I do think my dog would be happier staying at home for the rest of her life as she loves me mum but we will have that conversation when I do have a house. Will speak to my mum later and see what she says.

OP posts:

BMW6 · 05/08/2012 18:30

Good luck & hope a happy soluotion is found. Do let us know the outcome please!

Original poster

Wiggypigs · 05/08/2012 21:44

Thanks. Really scared! Don't know why hehe

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Original poster

Wiggypigs · 19/08/2012 22:07

So I asked and pretty much got a big fat no :( feeling a bit down now. All I want is to be able to move out.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 19/08/2012 22:21

I wouldn't want a dog so whilst it's fair enough to ask your mum I'm not surprised she said no. I'm surprised she let you buy a dog whilst you were still living in her house though as if you were at college it is effectively her dog. I don't think adults should buy pets until they have their own place unless the householder wants the pet. Sounds like your mum is keen to see the back of the dog so maybe buying it whilst living with her wasn't very thoughtful.

Original poster

Wiggypigs · 19/08/2012 22:39

She got me the dog for my 16th birthday present!

OP posts:

2rebecca · 19/08/2012 22:44

In that case I find your mother's attitude to your dog a bit odd. Buying a 16 year old a cat or dog is effectively buying yourself one if you're a parent. Is it now old, incontinent and bothersome, or does she see refusing to have the dog as a way to stop you leaving her, you don't mention asking your dad about the dog so will your mum then be alone when you leave and is trying to cling on for as long as possible?

Original poster

Wiggypigs · 19/08/2012 22:48

She is a single parent but has a long term bf who doesn't live with us. My younger sister is still at home so she won't be on her own. As for the dog she really is no problem. She is quite lazy so doesn't do a lot but does need a walk in the morning which I think is where the problem lies. But then she did it for 4 years whilst I was at uni so I really don't know. It's just so frustrating as I am only asking for her to have her for 6 months. Tempted to try and persuade my bf to let me have the dog in the flat. I don't want to as not fair on the dog but I haven't got a lot of options.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 20/08/2012 05:17

I'm surprised that your dm has turned your proposal down.

Is your dog a breed that has a prediposition to developing certain ailments relatively late in it's life?

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