To not want the daily responsibility of 50 + animals?

[greenwichgroove]

I have posted some of this before

My gp has a lot of animals inc chickens, ducks, birds, dogs, cats, more than 50 inc birds, they require a lot of care/feeding/cleaning/grooming.

I have posted before but I do not get on with GP, All of their seven children and six grown up grandchildren live within two miles of them. Out of all of them I am the least close relationship wise. Infact I have had counselling because of past issues with gp but we weren't all treated the same so a couple of others are very close.they started this behaviour with my dds and I went mad and didn't go for a while prior to the time they needed care.

Gp will even ask me to come and sort something for him and then ask me to leave when the "favoured" children and grandchildren arrive even if in the past I had been previously asked to stay for dinner in the afternoon (prior to them needing care.

Anyway I seem to have been left caring for gp on my own and because of the level of care they want its getting to be exhausting, by want i mean they can manage a lot for themself but won't, they can wash, dress, make a meal and toilet etc but often won't unless we go but manages to make a full roast at weekends for the other relatives. we can't go on holiday, we can't go out for the day, its causing problems with work but at the end of the day its my relative and I do it .

Two of the others don't work and none of them have children that are young apart from me and I am a lone parent.GP is still quite spiteful to me and my dds.

What's worse if they have started calling me home from work or days out. Tuesday I was called home from work as to was "needed immediately" turns out he milkman hadn't been, the other day I had a day off work and went in in morning did breakfast and fed animals, brought shopping for lunch then went out. They knew I had paid for an activities for dds. Got a phone call as we got on bus saying I need to come home immediately. When I got back they wanted potatoes.

Anyway I go Monday to Friday and other relatives go for a couple of hours at the weekend for a meal and gp makes them a meal, GP has started ringing me in the morning to come and clean/groom and feed all the animals BEFORE they come for their meal. I asked why they cannot do it and been told "they are not one for animals.

The thing is I go longer hours at work in September, we already have no life as dds spend all their time after school there as it is and in a morning but Im going to end up having to get dds up at 5am to go and sort them all out before work :(

You certainly don't sound like a bitch, unfortunately though, as the others have said, you've become their doormat. You have to say no and get the other family members involved. Don't ask them, tell them you aren't doing it any more and stick to it, it'll be the only way the grandparents move onto somebody else to help! Good luck, I couldn't imagine myself in this position :(

I agree names,

Guilt mostly that if I do not my mum will do it because she feels she has to and she is disabled and in a lot of pain all the time.

That gp probably hasn't got long left and that it will be all thrown back in my face by other members of the "favoured" family if I do not even though they do fuck all nothing

(((((((((((( Hugs)))))))))))))) OP

You are me, three years ago.

I had a breakdown, Overloaded and just walked away from the lot of it.
Only started talking to family again this year, recently.

(((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

Sound like toxic gp to me
As you are the least favoured (and your mum before you) they want you to do all the drudgery. It doesn't make them love you more, they do it because they love the others more and are horrible.
I'm sorry, that's a horrible thing for me to say as well, but from your post it sounds like you crave an affection and respect you will never get. Use the excuse of the job coming up to set out what you can/can't do, support your mum to do the same, maybe even look into finding someone (counsellor?) Who can help you maintain those boundaries
Most importantly
Put your family first! By which of course I mean your kids. Don't let them think being treated as a doormat is acceptable

Sound like toxic gp to me
As you are the least favoured (and your mum before you) they want you to do all the drudgery. It doesn't make them love you more, they do it because they love the others more and are horrible.
I'm sorry, that's a horrible thing for me to say as well, but from your post it sounds like you crave an affection and respect you will never get. Use the excuse of the job coming up to set out what you can/can't do, support your mum to do the same, maybe even look into finding someone (counsellor?) Who can help you maintain those boundaries
Most importantly
Put your family first! By which of course I mean your kids. Don't let them think being treated as a doormat is acceptable

OP, your last comment re getting dds up at 5am to feed gp's animals is jaw dropping.
This is not your reponsibility.

I know what it is like when an elderly relation snaps their fingers and expects you to drop everything to come and minister to their needs. Don't do it and don't be bullied by emotional abuse.

You sound tired and resentful. Think of all the free time you will have with your dds if you are not spending time being a free hired help for your gp.

Well, I'm sorry, but they are selfish to keep animals that they cannot look after. Different if they have one dog that they want help with, but they must have got a lot of these animals whent hey knew they were getting older/less able and would need help with them.

This is not your responsibility, it's certainly not your DD's responsibility and aside from anything else, the animals aren't being looked after properly anyway by the sounds of it.

I would contact the RSPCA for advice, they could possibly persuade your GP's to rehome some, especially if a home is available.

You are not a bitch.

You can go on holiday.

This is not your problem, it's the entire family's.

However you may have some serious talking with the rest of your family to get them to agree! Because you're picking up all the slack, they don't need to - you seem to have accepted that you've fallen into the role of family scapegoat/skivvy and so that's how they treat you.

Lay down some ground rules - set times of day or week for visiting, no being called from work or home unless the house is on fire/someone's bleeding to death/that level of emergency (this is reminding me of the rules I have for my children waking me at night!), your children are your priority and other family members will have to take their turn.

Good luck. And no, YANBU.

Echo everyone else, but it sounds as though you need to present a united front with your mum so she doesn't end up doing it if you don't. I'm guessing she was the unflavoured child and was treated in much the same way when younger? Hard for her to say no when it's her parents but you and she need to have a chat and decide together what the pair of you will and won't do and when - then you can start saying "no" to GPs without worrying that your mum is picking up the slack.

unfavoured not unflavoured.

It only took about a week of my mum ( same situation BTW) of doing it all, for her to have a fit at her DH (aka Grumpy Grandpa) Ans then another week of them both wineing and complaining and then threateneing.

At week 3 they accepted Gov help.
after all the years of me trying to get them there, I had to let them 'Sink or Swim' for them to get it.

(( Hugs)))

You do not sound a bitch at all, you sound a lovely caring considerate kind person. No advice just wanted to tell you that

Is there much point caring about what the other family members think?

Greenwich there are some good suggestions about independent help your GPs could access that you could help facilitate, though it sounds like they have plenty of access to these services but choose not to use them. Mainly I think you need to develop a different role for yourself. Instead of picking up the drudge work to stop it falling on your mother, try thinking of yourself as a lion protecting your mother and daughters from the unreasonable demands of your GPs. So don't just say "no" on your behalf, but start being more assertive to your GPs and the rest of the family when unreasonable demands are made. Say "no" because your daughter deserves the best of you, and if you find out they've asked your DM call them up and tell them how awful they are. Point out that they cause your mother pain because they are being selfish. Help your mum say "no". Call your aunts and uncles and give them a dressing down. Be loud and clear that their selfishness is hurting your mum and that she and your daughters are your priority.

I don't actually think you need these excuses and reasons to refuse to take on so much when there are alternatives, but it seems like you aren't in a state to value yourself very highly yet :(. So I hope you can use this framework to find the guts to say no anyway. But I strongly suggest you do something to work on your self worth. You deserve as good a life as your GPs, mum and daughters, you aren't on this earth simply to serve others.

You have to stop or they will just continue to suck you and your daughters dry. Turn off your phone. Harsh I know.

You are being so unfair on your children and yourself.

You are being treated like a lesser being. Come do then fuck off before the more important people arrive.

You are teaching your daughters this is what you and they are worth. It doesn't matter if you get out of bed at god-awful o'clock, cancel things you look forward to, even risk your employment eventually, you will never get thanks.

You sound very much like my mum. She helps others too much.

I know it is not about the money however when they popped their clogs my mother after spending years finally helping them on and off toilets, wiping their shitty arses, feeding them etc was left nothing. While the favoured few who turned up one Saturday a month like heroes were left everything. There was no thanks no recognition because she was not considered important. If it wasn't for her they would have been sitting in their own shit all day in the cheapest of care homes at the end because no way would any of the favoured few have taken them on. When they had passed on my mum was then accused of taking stuff from the grandparents houses by the favoured few and treated even more like shit. She didn't do any of this

Thanks guys.

Merci I honestly don't crave anything from the gp. Tbh I am very resentful and nothing else but I know if I dont no amount of talking will stop my mum feeling SHE has to.

As it is I had three voicemails this morning demanding stuff. I said I was out and couldn't come, gp tried the guilt trip and I still went out. Problem is when I got home people had been rung and my mum ended up going :(

I think you and your mum should change your phone numbers and let the rest of the family take their turn.

And I want nothing from gp. I know some of others are like vultures and will rip house to bits but I'm not in slightest bit interested in anything from them.

I live a street away but all the rest live minutes away too.

I had even considered moving just to get away!

You don't sound awful. They do. They are using you. you are their skivvy and they dismiss you when your services are no longer required for the day They are not nice.

You, otoh, are. You care about your mum and you are trying to help her by doing it so that they leave her alone.

What you need to do is to help your mum to see that she doesn't have to jump at their command either, and that, frankly, they don't deserve you. Either of you.

The only thing that will work is for you to convince your mum to not go. Explain that the only reason you go is to save her having to do it and why you really don't think either of you should. And it's not fair that she also guilt-trips you into it.

They are emotionally abusing you as are the rest of the family.

They are colluding to use you both as the whipping boys, not deserving of anything but skivvying

This situation is totally unacceptable. Even if they were the nicest people in the world (which they are not), you should not be getting your daughter up at 5am to feed their animals, that is too early for her and she will be too tired to work properly at school. They have help offered, they choose not to accept it. I actually don't think, given they have always not liked you and you have had to have counselling, you need to care for them whatsoever. Many many people do not do day to day care (which is quite extensive in this case) for their parents or grandparents, even if they adore them. it is simply beyond what they can give. You are a single parent, you need to put your children first.

I think if you keep going, they will keep asking. I would call some of the other family members and say going daily is jeopardising your employment and your family, you will not be doing it after X date, you will phone care services and let them know you can no longer do it, phone the RSPCA and alert them and leave them to it.

Your mum won't be able to run to them or do all these jobs if she is disabled, and you must stand with her and refuse for her to do it too.

Why are you spending your life and your childrens running after these horrible old people who don't even like you and have never been nice to you. Cut them loose, you owe them nothing.

Bloody hell - I think you and your mum and your DDs should all just move. Just get the hell out of this twisted, weird, awful situation.

What the absolute fuck?

They are treating you like shit and you think you sound a bitch? Fuck that! I'd cut ties with them!

good grief, you don't sound like a bitch. you're a lone parent, you've got enough on surviving yourself and caring for your own child/ren.

these people are abominable users who don't deserve you.

follow advice given above about contacting social services. tell your gp you won't be providing care for them or their animals in future. give them the number of an animal rescue charity. change your phone number.
tell your mum what you are doing and that she must not try to make up for any work you currently do for them. if you like your mum, keep her busy by having her round at yours.

don't feel guilty. send christmas cards if you like.

please start looking after yourself so that you and your children can be happy.