Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DCs were left unsupervised in the swimming pool

59 replies

olimpia · 04/08/2012 19:38

So an ex colleague of mine invited my two eldest boys, aged 10 and 8 to stay at hers for a sleep over. She has three girls aged 12, 9 and 8.
Today when I picked them up she mentioned that this morning the children went swimming while she and her DH ran some errands in town. She said that her oldest DD was looking after them meaning that she was "in charge" I guess. I wasn't impressed but didn't really say anything as I was picking them up after they had been at hers for 24 hours so didn't want to sound ungrateful and rude.
When we got home the boys said that she dropped them all off at 12.30 and said she'd be there at 2.30. She gave them a packed lunch. Turns out that after 1 hour or so they were all hungry and they decided to get out to eat. The pool doesn't have a cafe so they ended up having sandwiches in the reception area and then they decided it was too late to get into the pool again.
They were picked up late at 14.45 so they were left waiting again unsupervised in the swimming pool's reception for over an hour! They can all swim ok but the pool has a deep end. Five children aged between 12 and 8!
I'm not happy at all! AIBU?

OP posts:
ceegeebee · 04/08/2012 19:42

Don't most pools have a rule that under 8s have to be with an adult? As none of the group were under 8 then I think it's ok for them to be unsupervised - pretty sure I was going swimming with groups of friends at that age.

LindyHemming · 04/08/2012 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 04/08/2012 19:43

it is entirely up to the parents IMO to decide whether this is ok or not. Since you are not happy with this, YANBU to be annoyed. Not much you can do now though, unless you want to mention to her that your dc aren't allowed to go to the swimming pool alone and ask her to please let you know beforehand if she would like to send them there again. As you say, you don't want to seem rude. I would weigh up whether she is realistically likely to do it again sometime soon.

FreelanceMama · 04/08/2012 19:49

are you annoyed about them being unsupervised in the pool (presume there's a lifeguard?) or at the reception? Think you're being a bit unreasonable but depends on where the building is, what yr boys are like, etc.To turn it around, aren't you proud of yr boys getting ready for swimming, etc and staying in the building without an adult around?

vodkaanddietirnbru · 04/08/2012 19:52

our pool lets them in unsupervised from age 8. My dd (8) has been to the pool with her cousin who was 12 at the time and no adult went with them. The mum should have let you know what was happening but they all seemed to have behaved sensibly and they all survived. Gives them a little bit if independence too

Original poster
olimpia · 04/08/2012 19:58

Both really. I'm annoyed that they went into the swimming pool unsupervised for safety reasons AND i dont think it's nice that they were left to themselves to wait at reception for over and hour while she was running errands with her DH.
I'm not saying that there had to be an adult in the water but someone watching them from the seating area would have been appropriate given their ages IMO.
TBH I'm aware that I often err or the side of caution with my DSs so I'm really interested in seeing what people here think!

OP posts:
FariesDoExist · 04/08/2012 20:03

YANBU

Your children were invited to a sleepover but you were not told that there would be no adults there for some of the time and that they would be going swimming without adults. I wouldn't be happy about it myself (but I too err on the side of caution).

graciew · 04/08/2012 20:04

I would have been annoyed too.

My DS (age 8 - just) is going swimming with his friend next week. I will be there to watch (not in pool) for the first hour or so while DD (3) has her swimming lesson. Then the friend's mum will come and watch them from then on.

My 10 year old would be different, though.

Acumens100 · 04/08/2012 20:05

When I was eight I went swimming and sailing unsupervised, in the sea, with my sister, aged ten. And our mum was a PE teacher, so presumably had some idea of reasonable risk.

We both had our lifesavers, though. Are your kids weak swimmers? Maybe tell her next time that your kids need extra help.

SchrodingersMew · 04/08/2012 20:06

When I was 8, me and my friend would go to the swimming on our own every week as did everyone I knew.

There are pool guards supervising.

JugsMcGee · 04/08/2012 20:08

I'm not sure about the swimming thing. I was going swimming with friends at about 10 or 11 I think. But as a parent I don't know how I'll feel once DS is that age.

But they weren't "left waiting at reception", she'd told them she'd be back at 2.30. It was their choice to get out and eat, although granted she was 15 mins late.

ChasingSquirrels · 04/08/2012 20:08

when you said left swimming unsupervised I thought you meant they had a pool at home.
Presumably there was a lifeguard on duty so they weren't unsupervised.
I don't see a problem with them being at the pool on their own at all, assuming that they can all swim.

Leaving them with sandwiches / on their own in reception - umm, I don't think I would do it with someone elses 8yo unless I knew they very well and was confident in the child, but I would certainly be happy to leave my 9yo to do that. And in this case there was a 12yo looking after them.

On balance I think a little UR.

Acumens100 · 04/08/2012 20:10

Having read again and realised they were in a public pool, YABU. There are lifeguards!

phantomnamechanger · 04/08/2012 20:10

YANBU - I would have been annoyed even if they had been left at home or in a cafe unsupervised for that long. never mind a pool. IMO if you invite someones kids round you are saying you will be looking after them for the duration.

but, out of interest, if you did not know they were going swimming how come they obviously had their stuff with them?

Original poster
olimpia · 04/08/2012 20:10

I think she did it on purpose not to ask because the previous time they were at hers she rang to ask if they were allowed to go to the park unsupervised and I said no.

OP posts:
Original poster
olimpia · 04/08/2012 20:14

Oh I knew they were going swimming but I thought her, her DH or the au pair would at least watch them for the seating area

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 04/08/2012 20:15

so why trust her this time then?

BellaVita · 04/08/2012 20:15

YABU.

youarewinning · 04/08/2012 20:17

I'd allow my DS (7) to go with friends. He's 8 in a few weeks and they can go unsupervised at 8yo. I wouldn't leave them for 2 hours though with lunch if there's nowhere to sit and eat. I don't think it's fair on reception staff or other visitors to have children loitering for so long - 5 dc's are probably noisy!

I would probably send them in, watch them get in the pool and leave it an hour. Then go and tellthem to get out pick them up.

phantomnamechanger · 04/08/2012 20:17

if you knew she was the type to let kids go to the park alone, and she knew that you did not share that opinion, you should have checked about the swimming supervision arrangements

Original poster
olimpia · 04/08/2012 20:19

Because last time she had asked about the park and I said sorry but I was nervous about weirdos taking advantage of a group of young kids at the the park abs she was really nice about it and said she would send the au pair with them. I wrongly assumed that she would get the au pair to go with them or that she would go herself.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 04/08/2012 20:20

If you are in the UK, then a public pool would have a lifeguard,

so I'm not sure I understand your safety concerns.

Original poster
olimpia · 04/08/2012 20:21

The fact that she had asked about the park made me feel confident that she would ask about other stuff too

OP posts:
BellaVita · 04/08/2012 20:21

So at what age are you going to let your children go swimming and to the park unsupervised?

Quip · 04/08/2012 20:23

I used to go kayaking with my cousin when we were both 9. No adults, just some plastic boats on a river (with lifejackets).

Our local swimming pool allows kids unaccompanied from 8yo. There are lifeguards after all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread