AIBU to have screamed wept and squirmed through a smear test and internal scan this week..

[lolaflores]

and to seriously not want anyone near my down there bits for a considerable lenght of time to come.
I know that it should not be so and it needs dealing with, but feel like I have been assaulted by a rhino. I keep crying thinking about it. Trying to explain to DH where the pain is and he just sort of gives me a quizzical look. He is being marvellous but what would the male equivalent be? A poker up the willy? The unfortunate smear was a surprise to me and the consultant, he was apologetic and I kept saying don't worry, its fine. It wasn't. By the time I went for the scan I was as tight as a very tight thing and they practically had to crow bar my knees apart. Indescribable pain.
thats all really. thanks for listening

MildewMayhem I don't want to worry you, but i got cervical cancer when i was 27, so im sorry honey but you really need to get this done. Because i had regular smears and it was caught early, it was treated easily - and i PROMISE YOU, it generally doesn't hurt. Yes, i had a crap smear the other day but the nurse was incompetent, and sometiems there are reasons they hurt. I was told by my doctor when i had my treatment that had i left my smear another six months i would have probably been looking at a hysterectomy and loads of invasive treatment. That put the fear of christ up me and i never leave my smears late. PLEASE go and book your smear - its nothing, it takes less than five minutes - the nurses have seen it all before. I never feel shy, even if its a male doctor.

I actually get so bloody that women can't get smears until they are 25, my DD is 22 now but has been sexually active for a while, she should be able to have a smear test and it worries me that she can't have one yet

I am militant about this - i wouldnt be here now if i didn't have a smear, my DD1 would have grown up with no mother and i wouldnt have had DD2. I nag people about it in RL so am now officially nagging you - make the appointment, on monday and we will hold your hand on here, i promise you, it will be OK, and so what if it does hurt a bit, its worth it, believe me.

I had my first post-baby smear on Thursday, was prepared for the usual pain but was disappointed surprised by how easily the nurse got the equipment up there. My smear 3 years ago (by the same nurse) was much more uncomfortable and took a lot longer. I guess I'm just a lot looser than I used to be

Nina it may be because she is alot more experienced at doing smears.

I have never found smears painful, but thank god I went last time as my coil disappeared so saved me having a surprise pregnancy :)

My first and second smear were so painful I left it a very long time before having another. I have to have another soon and I am dreading it, especially as I am a prude and had a horrific birth with DD.

Will be getting DH to hold my hand next time.

I'm sorry to here about your horrid experience OP :( I hope the pain is getting less.

I wanted to add for those worried about having smear my experience, I have never had a painful smear, I have also had all sorts of internal scans due to infertility problems and I have never been in any pain at all. To scan your overies and womb they use a camera that looks like a 1980's dildo, it has little dildo cam condoms and lube, it's not very dignified but if you can see the funny side of things then I think it helps (they are the same scans you have in early pregnancy.) I also had a HSG and I read so many bad stories about people screaming and trying to get of the table, I felt no pain at all, it is more painful having a blood sugar test.

A lot of people have no pain at all and it's only a fanny, the nurse/dr see fannies all day they will not be phased. So go and just think you will most probably have the same experience as me :)

Orchiditis - inflammation of the bollocks (orchid from the Latin)

Never seen a cryptic crossword clue making use of this dual meaning. Smears are unpleasant but I second everyone saying you should have them. I try to breathe deeply when mine is being done. Pay close attention to the advice on optimum (menstrual) cycle time as I visited a cytology department once and was shown the cancer cells next to a blood cell and they are bloody () tiny in comparison. You do not want to have to go through it again because there's too much clutter on the slide.

Can someone please explain to me why we can't do our own smear tests - like some std checks? is it unreachable?

(I'm under 25 so even if I wanted one couldn't have one yet)

gotmygoat I think it is because you have to open the vagina to reach the cervix, it is easy to mistake the something else for the cervix so the chance of an average person doing it correctly is low.

My practice nurse informed me that I have a "challenging cervix"! I too have tried hands under bottom, lying on my side and then at the dreaded colposcopy clinic the lovely nurse told me that my cervix lies left anterior and used a longer speculum which made it all much easier - apparently! I hate smears and find them so undignified/embarrassing but force myself to go and treat myself to lots of chocolate afterwards!

Gotmygoat - lol sorry your post made me chortle :) I struggle enough brushing my own hair in the mirror, and um, shaving my bikini area - lolol at doing my own smear

My friend is a GP, she got her husband to do hers though

I never used to bat an eyelid until a young doctor caught my cervix in the end of the speculum when removing it and then proceeded to pull it out. I nearly hit the ceiling. It took me a couple of smears to get over the experience, but I'm ok again now, internal scans have never bothered me much, but infertility and having various doctors rummaging around up there with dildo-cam have made me very blasé.
It is absolutely awful when they get it wrong though, you have my utmost sympathy!

Rogers I've just had my legs clamped shut while reading your post.
I hope he apologised.

you poor thing, I am always able to relax for internal exams (apart from that time the doctor walked in and goosed the nurse) so I don't know what it must be like to be so scared but you have my sympathy.

Do we need to mention Jade Goody, God rest her the poor soul.

I didn't mention her with any kind of disrespect. The poor woman caused a increase in awareness and smear tests and was reportedly pleased to have done so. I felt desperately sorry for her but she left some good behind and possibly saved lives in doing so.

I went to the hospital a few weeks ago and they tried to do my essure procedure, but as soon as the doctor gained access to my uterus, it just went into some kind of crazy spasm and it was agony. She then started filling it up with water and the pain got worse and worse and I had to beg them to stop I was doped up on valium and painkillers as well, but they had no effect whatsoever

I don't think I'll ever have one.

Hope you're okay lola and glad you're okay lucy.

Oh poor you, it's horrid when a smear causes you such trauma.

I'm a practice nurse and (if I may say so myself) am fucking awesome at doing smears. 12.5 years of experience and lots of elusive cervices mean that I have developed some pretty nifty techniques.

I always explain what I'm about to do so the woman has no suprises and take my time. The woman is in charge - it's her body and I won't do anything that upsets her. At the same time I want to ensure I get a good sample so always do it properly without rushing.

I'm always really chuffed when a woman says "oh that was so much better than I thought it would be". For me, that's praise indeed

Yanbu. Xxxxxxxx

youoldslag sorry, I meant, we should mention poor Jade Goody. To highlight the importance of regular smears.
I too had an irregular smear at 22, so to start screening women at 25 seems a little odd. Many girls have been sexually active since 16, or younger. Is this down to NHS cuts or is there scientific basis to it?

pinknose I believe me and the Blackwall Tunnel may resemble each other.

I don't know Lola, that's a good question. I was first invited for a smear as a student in the 80s when I was 20. They don't do this any more and I THINK it's because under 25 the cervix is still changing and can give unreliable results. That's what I read somewhere anyway, but I disagree with it if that's the official stance.

Girls are sexually active much earlier now so I think there is a real call for earlier regular smears myself.

hiddenhome, I crossed my legs reading that. You poor sod!

Yes, I would echo lola and others - please don't be put off having smears etc because a minority of us have had bad experiences.

The one time I did have a good smear, I had explained the issue to a sympathetic female GP, who (with my agreement) did an internal to see where my cervix was before starting the smear, that did make a huge difference. (I have no problems with internal examinations or scans, just smears!)

Sidge - what you say about control is so important.