to want to punch my DH on the nose right now?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

DH has just got home from work (late shift at a pub) to find me sitting on the floor in the boys' bedroom trying to get them both back to sleep after DS1 (3) decided a couple of hours ago that it was playtime, woke up DS2 (1) and they both started bouncing on DS2's bed. I haven't been to sleep yet. DH pats DS2's back a bit, gets him almost asleep, then comes and starts making a fuss of DS1, which doesn't really help to convince him to go back to sleep!

Eventually I get DS1 to a point where I can leave the room so I go into the kitchen to get a drink, where I find DH standing, surveying the dirty dishes that I haven't done, and he says, "Well you haven't actually done anything today, have you?" I could have screamed. No, of course I haven't done anything, just fed and changed and cared for our children, and the little girl from next door too as her Mum is currently going through a miscarriage. Plus I cooked DH's dinner, plated it up and left it in the oven, as I have cooked all but 5 meals that have been cooked in this home in the past five years. Oh, and sat up with the children until 1am.. plus all the other odds and ends of housework and whatever.

I don't want a medal, I chose to be a SAHM, but a bit of recognition might be nice! AIBU to be fuming?!

YANBU! I got a sarcastic response to me telling my DH that I had not had time to go to the shops. He asked well what have you been doing? Erm two play dates that we had committed to - and that his DD enjoyed far more than me trailing her round Tescos - grrrrrr!!! I wouldn't mind but this conversation took place while I was cleaning the bathroom and hoovering upstairs!!!

bogeyface, that is fantastic!

YANBU OP, I do hope it was your DH's attempt at being funny and he's vowed to learn the art of timing for his comedic attempts. :)

He wasn't being funny, but apparently it's OK because he only meant I hadn't done anything in the kitchen. Except, obviously, I had done stuff in the kitchen because I cooked his sodding dinner!

He seems to think that because he goes out to work he's the boss. Which is bollocks because he doesn't actually have a clue what is involved in running our home. He might bring the money in but where it goes after that is a mystery to him. I don't think he even knows how much rent we pay! So I think I do plenty that doesn't involve dirty dishes.

He's not a nasty person, but he does have a tendency to say things without thinking about how they sound/could be taken.

Ragamuffin- snap too, as regards the bringing in the money then having no clue where it goes. I'm in charge of finances, bills etc and actually after the summer hols if we don't share the load equally, there will be serious words. I will of course be earning too, albeit not as much as him but that's irrelevant.

(By the way-I love him dearly and he's a fantastic partner and daddy! )

He also conveniently forgets that when we first got together and he was unable to work I was the one bringing in the wage!

Blackholes I think we might be the same person, your DH sounds v.similar to mine!

Yes, he is being unreasonable. My partner can be similar (never says anything unless I bring up in an argument that he never does anything, then he conveniently forgets all the stuff I do) and it is infuriating.

My DH wouldn't dream of saying that to me.... or maybe he does say it in his head

I am a SAHM and agree with the general dogsbody some people see us as.

When I gave up work a male relation said, "So Needles, are you just going to babysit full-time now?" I told him it isn't babysitting if it's my own DC.

I could scream sometimes... but I don't.

YANBU.

If can see it needs doing, I suggest he does it.

This conversation would not get further than he's comment and my 'fuck off'.

Are your boys generally up at that time? Sounds like a nightmare for you all. I work late sometimes and my heart sinks if I return home to find children up, I must say. Absolutely soul destroying if you can't escape from the little blighters even at midnight after a hard day of working/looking after them! Have you thought about getting some advice on sleep/behaviour?

They're not usually up at that time scummy, no. DS2 is teething and I think he cried out, woke up DS1, and then chaos ensued but they're normally pretty good sleepers. We're all usually asleep when DH gets home late!

Phew! In that case your dh is DBU!

My dh has had a week off ...l he's cleaned the outside of the caravan

That's it

Dh had several 'interesting' conversations with his parents when I was a sahm. They would comment on him 'helping' with the housework and cooking when he got home from work and at weekends. He made it VERY clear to anyone that would listen that I was at home to look after the children, not to look after the house.

Will happily rent him out to educate errant dh/dps....

OP, you need to go away for a long weekend on your own,

Unless your partner experiences what it is like to look after the children and house alone(no back up from inlaws, or meals left) he will never understand or get it.

Do it once and you will find that his comprehension of the role you are playing will change, and his part in supporting it will alter.

quote that would be lovely but DS2 still BFs a lot so time away isn't really an option. Plus, I know what would happen.. he'd feed them crap, they wouldn't get naps/to bed on time, he'd stick them in front of the TV all day and everything would probably be clean but the boys would be miserable/hungry/bored/tired.

Lazarus how soon can you send him?!

Well as soon as he is off the breast launch him into it,

and go for a long weekend so that he deals with the outcome of choosing to feed them crap, and not stimulating them, he'll learn fast, or you'll be stuck with a life time of inadequate co parenting.

lazarusb is my husband leading a double life?