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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to punch my DH on the nose right now?

42 replies

RagamuffinAndFidget · 04/08/2012 01:30

DH has just got home from work (late shift at a pub) to find me sitting on the floor in the boys' bedroom trying to get them both back to sleep after DS1 (3) decided a couple of hours ago that it was playtime, woke up DS2 (1) and they both started bouncing on DS2's bed. I haven't been to sleep yet. DH pats DS2's back a bit, gets him almost asleep, then comes and starts making a fuss of DS1, which doesn't really help to convince him to go back to sleep!

Eventually I get DS1 to a point where I can leave the room so I go into the kitchen to get a drink, where I find DH standing, surveying the dirty dishes that I haven't done, and he says, "Well you haven't actually done anything today, have you?" I could have screamed. No, of course I haven't done anything, just fed and changed and cared for our children, and the little girl from next door too as her Mum is currently going through a miscarriage. Plus I cooked DH's dinner, plated it up and left it in the oven, as I have cooked all but 5 meals that have been cooked in this home in the past five years. Oh, and sat up with the children until 1am.. plus all the other odds and ends of housework and whatever.

I don't want a medal, I chose to be a SAHM, but a bit of recognition might be nice! AIBU to be fuming?!

OP posts:
ItsAPileOfBalls · 04/08/2012 01:34

YANBU

I am a SAHM and it's a bloody thankless task! Mind you mine are 14 (twins) but I still spend my waking hours picking up after them (and DH) to the point I feel like a non-person Hmm

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 02:04

YANBU but someone will be along at some point to tell you that wanting to use violence is wrong, blah blah Hmm

Send him this with the threat that any more comments like that and he will find out what "doing nothing" really means!

luisgarcia · 04/08/2012 02:11

No one awake on this site at this time will think you are being unreasonable. The people who think you are being unreasonable will most likely appear in about 8 hours time.

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 02:14

8? More like 4!

luisgarcia · 04/08/2012 02:16

I'll take that bet and go long at 4 hours

StuntGirl · 04/08/2012 02:17

Bloody hell Hmm When my boyfriend comes home to a sink full of dirty dishes he doesn't even bat an eyelid, and we don't have kids to keep me too busy to do it!

I wonder why so many people think staying home and looking after kids is some kind if magical leisure time?

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 02:23

They will have been "up for the best part of the day" at 6am, wearing freshly laundered judgey pants at us stay-up-lates :o

ItsAPileOfBalls · 04/08/2012 02:24

Really?

Pours more vodka Grin

luisgarcia · 04/08/2012 02:26

You clearly live a different life to me. I don't know which of us should want to swap though.

my2centsis · 04/08/2012 04:30

I would of punched him :) sahm IS hard

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2012 06:34

No matter who says what, being a SAHM is still considered lesser than going out and earning money. I'm not one but had long maternity leaves and now on school hols (teacher) I'm fighting a losing battle with my dp even though he KNOWS how hard it is looking after baby and toddler and couldn't cope himself

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2012 06:35

PS No you're not being u; I dare you to bop him on the nose right now Wink

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2012 06:36

Ps my dp doesn't care about dirty dishes etc but still expects me to do bloody everything.

Krumbum · 04/08/2012 06:37

Yanbu. Stay at home MUM means doing the difficult task of looking after children, not being a housekeeper and maid! Housework should be shared equally. Tell him to wash the bloody dishes and that you want dinner made for you and the boys tomorrow!

Columbiand · 04/08/2012 06:39

Why don't you both work in the pub and split the stay-at-home role?

You'll both get to see both sides of the story then.

EverythingsNotRosie · 04/08/2012 06:40

I think, 4 or so hours on, you will get the people who have been dragged out of bed by horribly early rising children who want to hit their DHs for never getting up with the kids! I am studiously ignoring DD who thinks 5.30 is a fine time to get up!

lentilweavinghippy · 04/08/2012 06:42

Nope, yadnbu. I hope this level of twattery was alcohol related & not the use!l state of affairs.

Balls I know what you mean about the non-person thing.Sad

lentilweavinghippy · 04/08/2012 06:43

*usual

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2012 06:46

EverythingsnotRosie- got it in one!! In fact I was thinking of starting my own thread about lie-ins... I asked if we could have one each this weekend, he saud no he doesn't want z lie in and basically implied it was a stupid idea. Guess who's downstairs with toddler and baby, and who's still in bed? [grr]

EverythingsNotRosie · 04/08/2012 06:51

I too am a teacher on school holidays and have been making the effort to nap when DD does in the day so I am less resentful about the early mornings... Not sure it's working and I feel just as tired as I do term time! He would get up if I booked it in advance but that annoys me in itself- why can't he just get up one day?!

scentednappyhag · 04/08/2012 06:52

You have my sympathy by the bucket load.
I mentioned to DH this week that DD was having a day with her greatgrandparents, so I was going to spend the day with a friend. His response was 'well you're actually going to have to start doing stuff around the house one day instead of just going out for the day.' I had to go and stand in the bathroom to stop myself screaming Sad

EverythingsNotRosie · 04/08/2012 06:57

I am beginning to see the advantage of having a lazy messy bastard for a husband. He would never comment on the state of the house or jobs not done because he wouldn't notice!

balotelli · 04/08/2012 07:08

YABU to want to punch him on the nose....... much too much of a let off for him.

Baseball bat around the ear and a kick in the bollocks is the least he deserves.

He would be wearing him nicely plated up dinner for a remark like that amd I am a very passive person.

You bugger off for the day and leave him to deal with it all for 18 hours.

ThreeWheelsGood · 04/08/2012 07:20

What did you say in response? Was he trying to be funny or did it sound spiteful? I would have a one to one sit down discussion to explain - calmly - how much you do and that it's not okay for him to say that!

Yama · 04/08/2012 07:26

In our house the person who does the housework gets to do decide when it's done and to what standard.

I've had long maternity leaves and am off all summer (teacher). When dh gets home it's all hands on deck.

YANBU