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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that having a 3 month old and three year old is tiring and stressful

62 replies

dappply · 03/08/2012 20:17

I'm knackered and stressed out tonight. Was up during the night at 1 and 4 and 530 and up for the day at 630, as are most nights. Had both kids on my own all day as normal, five days in a row as normal. Today we had health visitor this morning, then out to beach, picnic lunch, play park and then a kids festival in a park this afternoon. Didn't get in till 530. Three year old's been running away all day and driving me mad, hitting and scratching my face. Trying to hurt the baby, throwing food all over the place. Baby screaming intermittently, think she might be teething already. Get home, cook dinner. Husband just talking about the olympics through bath time. I'm tired and stressed. I say I'm tired and stressed and moan bait about three year old. Husband surprised, says stop moaning you've had a nice day at the beach. He thinks I have nothing to moan about, says that he doesn't want to come home from work just to hear moaning. Surely I'm doing pretty well at something that is surely acknowledged to be tired and stressful, so surely i'm within my rights to be tired and stressed?

OP posts:

tethersphotofinish · 03/08/2012 21:05

I have a three year old and an eleven week old, and I was punching the air because we left the house today. If all three of us a dressed by lunchtime it's an achievement.

Your DH won't know how much of a struggle it is until he does it. Help him learn by leaving the house for twelve hours.

RuthlessBaggage · 03/08/2012 21:16

In general, YANBU. I was in your position last year. It's relentless.

Now? Well, the 15mo doesn't sleep through, but the 4yo can entertain himself for longer periods, and occasionally entertains the 15mo. It's differently hard.

PeggyCarter · 03/08/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateHarshPants · 03/08/2012 21:22

There's 15 months between mine and I remember juggling a newborn and a 15month old, and it is bloody knackering, yes

But I think looking after small children is exhausting full stop. I remember walking round in a sort of fog most of the time.

So I think he should probably be handed both children and told to enjoy his day with them and see what he has to say at the end of it!

letsblowthistacostand · 03/08/2012 21:29

That age gap is a killer. The first year is so hard, well done to you for getting out. If it's any consolation, my 2 are 4 & 6 now and they play nicely together and are reasonably self-sufficient! It does get a lot easier. When DH finally had to look after them on his own for a whole day he said, "it's just relentless isn't it?" I would try to go out if I were you, even if it's only between feeds.

froggers1 · 03/08/2012 21:29

Just wanted to say I have a 3 yr old and a 3 month old and have had a horrendous day too. You are not alone! The 3 yr old got up in the night 4 x and ended up in the bed with me. DH in his bed. Baby up at 5:30 for the day....decided to stay at home this morning as we have been out and about a lot. Had to go and get an X ray for my foot this afternoon and stopped and bought the 3 yr old some new swimming trunks and a toy for the pool and he has been nothing but a brat all day because he was 'bored'. Chewed all through the new toy while I was driving home. I lost it and retreated to my bed while DH cooked dinner. I may stay there all day tomorrow...I suggest you do the same!! Weeping in corner with my third bowl of ice cream...

letsblowthistacostand · 03/08/2012 21:30

I meant, go out by yourself and leave children with DH.

RuthlessBaggage · 03/08/2012 21:30

Just read some of your additional comments.

Your 3yo still naps?! HA! You don't know you're born.

Also, is your DH right that you always greet him with moaning? Could you try to hold it off until he's been at home for half an hour? Often when the working partner gets home it's the first chance for adult conversation the SAHP has had all day, so they get it full blast. And that's sometimes overwhelming.

DumSpiroSpero · 03/08/2012 21:36

It is tiring and stressful - and when it gets too much that's when sofa & cbeebies come in handy.

I understand you not wanting to be indoors all the time, but do you usually do so much in a day? Maybe a few days mooching at home would benefit you all?

shoppingbagsundereyes · 03/08/2012 21:37

You sound like you are doing a great job but give yourself a break. Quiet stay at home days are really important for you to rest but also for your 3 yr old to learn how to entertain herself. My dcs are really good at independent play- I put that down to the fact I was too knackered to leave the house when they were little.

DarkKnightDroops · 03/08/2012 21:41

Yes, it's tiring and stressful, and no, YADNBU! You also sound like you're doing a pretty fab job! The beach!!!! By yourself! With two of them!!!!

I have a 3.5 and just gone 2 DCs (17 months gap) and as someone above has said, it is RELENTLESS! but also

What kills me the most is that pre-kids, I used to go to bed for a restful night's sleep. Now, the night is just another part of the working day. Even now, the night is still hard work, sometimes get through until 5.30am without being wokrm up but rarely. I keep DC2s door shut as he wakes me up just crying out as he turns over and goes back to sleep!

And yes, my DH hates the "minute I step in the door, you're in my face" but I just can't help it sometimes, he comes in to chaos as I cook tea around two tired toddlers and I just vent when I see him (or ask him for a hand, which is even worse )!

BUT....it has got better since DC2 was a baby. Bit more independence from them both, DC2 at least will play quietly by himself , bit more sleep really, and more dialogue and enjoyment of things - arts, activities, freinds, etc

So, chin up, keep on keeping on. Your ace and you can only get acer

CaveJohnson · 03/08/2012 21:45

Try two three year olds and a three month old THEN come and tell me how hard it is!

(Of course it's hard you daft mare!)

tethersphotofinish · 03/08/2012 21:53

This is getting a bit Four Yorkshiremums

MrsHoolie · 03/08/2012 22:00

Yanbu

DarkKnightDroops · 03/08/2012 22:06

I'm 4 weeks pregnant, what about that? Next April, I'll have 3 Under 5's! Or a newborn, a nearly 3 yo and a 4yo!

Do I get a prize? Or some contraception?

pollyblue · 03/08/2012 22:06

The youngest child of one of my friends is starting school in September. She told me yesterday that another friend had recently said to her "ooh you lucky thing, you won't know what to do with yourself when D is at scool all day." Friend said she look at her steadily and said "yes i will. I'm going to sleep."

larks35 · 03/08/2012 22:15

yanbu, have 3.7yo and 4mo, well done you for organising such a fun-packed day! Give your older DS a bit more time and he'll be less agressive and more interested in his younger sibling. I can now leave my DS and DD together and know that they are both safe and entertained, albeit for as long as it takes for me to have a pee .

It sounds to me like you might be over-doing the getting out and maybe try some days in and just play together or show you older DS how to play with his sibling.

As for your DH, well mine has been away for 2 weeks now and would not dare to comment on how easy it might have been for me. He knows, having been home previously, how bloody relentless the demands of a 3yo chatterbox and a guzzling newborn can be.

ohmysilverballs · 03/08/2012 22:25

Men don't get it, they see us sitting serenely on the beach, baby sleeping, toddler toddling about happily chatting to our friends.... Unless you're doing it day in day out it's hard to know what hard work it really is.

Original poster

dappply · 03/08/2012 22:41

yes, i know i'm lucky with the nap. it's mine, all mine, the precious nap, i won't let you take it from me.... it's the only consolation in having a child with hyptonia and gross motor delay is that he gets tired enough for a nap still. Although the not being able to walk 20 meters without falling over is rubbish.

I don't always go out the house all day. Did today as it was sunny. I do try and get out every day though or it would drive me and three year old mad. And baby wouldn't sleep. But has to be said, I'm not a stay in the house kinda girl. I hate cbeebies too. Seriously, i'd be much more stressed if i'd stayed in today

thanks all. I know some have more kids to look after! I met a lass at the park today with a baby my age and a three year old............ and a two year old. She was definitely helping me feel less stressed.

OP posts:

Original poster

dappply · 03/08/2012 22:44

and apologies for being grumpy. I'm using this as a way to vent without arguing with my husband. Although I just have done. and we've kinda resolved things. He said that he gets upset when I have "a moan" as he sees it as his job for me to be happy, and if i'm moaning he gets upset and angry. I don't think i'm moaning when he thinks I am, I think I;m just talking about my day.

it's not easy. But it's ok

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2012 22:49

I have the same age gap between my DS2 and DS3....DS1 was 10.5yrs at the time.

Yes it can be stressful, which is a very good reason not to pack so much into one day.

Just do 1 or 2 things per day and chill out is my advice.

LittlePicnic · 03/08/2012 22:49

We have two; 2.7 and 8 months. It is hard, stressful but most of all so tiring.
8mo old doesn't sleep more than three hours at night and all I want to do is sleep. Pace yourself and don't pack too much into any one day.

naturalbaby · 03/08/2012 22:51

It took my dh a long time to realise just how hard I've found being at home all day with my 3 little ones...I have been very close to some sort of breakdown/panic attack on several occasions though. I'm only just realising that I've worked myself up into a right state because I couldn't and wouldn't let myself have a break and switch off - it's been relentless!

ds1 had afternoon naps till he was 3 1/2 and if I didn't get my afternoon nap with them then all hell broke loose!

I've just discovered listening/sharing parnterships - you and your partner get 4-5mins each to just listen to each other with no suggestions or comments or discussion. It's amazing how much better you feel just to talk for a few minutes and offload, or talk things through and work things out as you talk.

Minibird · 03/08/2012 22:59

Yanbu. Its hard work and sounds like you are doing a great job. Soooo tempting to try to fit too much in on a sunny day which makes 3yo kids crabby at the end.

Tomorrow do less ... Feed your baby, make milk, sleep, let hubby do the rest

carrielou2007 · 03/08/2012 23:00

What are you going on about, a baby and three year old just 'sit and wait' whilst you wash, iron, Hoover, wash up how can that be difficult they keep still whilst you try to chop up your veg to prepare a healthy nutritious dinner cooked from scratch as you are off all day, his else would you fill your time? How lively to have a day out to the beach whilst your poor husband is slaving away at work I hope you got his shirts whiter than white ready for work again on Monday .

I had variations on these comments from exp being on my own from day 1 with newborn and three year old. He had them both for the first time when dd was 1 for annual work conference) and when I commented when I got home that he could have at least hoovered he said he dudn't have time to Hoover he fmhad been busy looking after my children all day whilst I was off on my jollies ANC what was for dinner. Ah, makes me remember why I got rid of him in the first place

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