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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell DH I don't enjoy our sex life anymore?

50 replies

crapsexlife · 03/08/2012 16:45

Regular, but nc for this for obvious reasons Blush

Our sex life is rubbish. DH really tries but he always ends up coming too soon and it's not doing it for me. It's getting to the point where we do it and when he comes I want to punch him for leaving me hanging. I am SO frustrated and it makes me want to sob and sob and sob that this is what it's come to. I really resent him for it, and I feel like really letting rip because I haven't had an orgasm in months with him.

It never used to be like this, and sometimes I feel angry at him when he has an erection in bed I feel so resentful.

I don't want anyone else, only him and I am actually crying as I write this. Should I tell him? I don't want to damage him or his confidence Sad please help me.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapsexlife · 03/08/2012 16:49

Anyone? Please, it took a lot to post here Sad

OP posts:
crazygracieuk · 03/08/2012 16:53

Can't he use his hands to finish you off?

unobtanium · 03/08/2012 16:54

I am very sorry. Certainly he should realise that you need more than this.

I will let others advise, but just wanted to give you some moral support.

MrsMcEnroe · 03/08/2012 16:54

Im sure there will be lots of knowledgeable people along in a little while, don't worry. In the meantime, are you saying that you want more foreplay, or that you used to be able to orgasm through penetrative sex but he isn't lasting long enough for this to happen now?

If it's the former: has this always been an issue for you? Have you talked to him about it? Does your DH actually suffer from premature ejaculation or do you think our expectations of his staying power might be unrealistic?

It does sound crap, but to play devil's advocate for a minute - he may not realise! Men aren't mind readers. You need to tell him what you need!

hairytale · 03/08/2012 16:54

Can't you have an orgasm with him afterwards through other means?

To be fair I presume he can't help it.

tanfastic · 03/08/2012 16:55

Ask him to make sure you come first by using his hands/sex toy. That's what we do Wink

Ariel24 · 03/08/2012 16:56

OP you poor thing, I'm sorry I'm probably no help at all but hopefully someone better will be along soon!

From what you have written you sound like you love him a lot and still want him! This can be sorted I'm sure of it. I totally understand you don't want to hurt his confidence, how is he confidence-wise anyway? Could you maybe suggest doing different things in bed etc, see if that helps at all?

ErikNorseman · 03/08/2012 16:58

What does he do after he comes? Roll off and go to sleep? That's pretty crap and selfish. But I can't see why you don't orgasm, can you not delay penetration until you have come or at least until you are nearly there and use your fingers while he's inside to orgasm.

Groovee · 03/08/2012 17:01

We went through this after dh's snip. It took a long time for it to rectify but we reckoned it was due to us using condoms for so long, then not using them. Not sure how you would bring it up with him without it offending him. Maybe he needs to concentrate on you more by not being inside you.

Original poster
crapsexlife · 03/08/2012 17:01

To be fair to him, he's always 'oh darling I'm sorry I feel like you're not enjoying it' etc.

But I'm not helping matters either because I'm so irritated by the whole thing now I can't be bothered and just try to 'get it over with' because in my head I feel like there's no point, I'm not going to come anyway etc etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapsexlife · 03/08/2012 17:02

Yes I am being v tearful etc atm and I feel like I can't tell him because it'd upset him.

OP posts:
PinkNose · 03/08/2012 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
crapsexlife · 03/08/2012 17:05

No I can't orgasm vaginally. Sometimes I also feel under pressure to orgasm and that makes it so much worse. It is a vicious cycle that I feel locked into.

OP posts:
IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 03/08/2012 17:05

Why not tell him that he has to make you come before he's allowed to penetrate? He'll most likely find you being a bit dominant and bossy very sexy and be happy to oblige!

Ariel24 · 03/08/2012 17:06

If he's saying about you not enjoying it then he must be aware then. If the rest of your relationship is good, I'm sure this can be worked on. Would he be open to try new things, without asking for tmi or anything! but what do you think would help, could you maybe suggest some things to him in a way that would make doing new things seem exciting and not offend him?

MrsMcEnroe · 03/08/2012 17:06

"To be fair to him, he's always 'oh darling I'm sorry I feel like you're not enjoying it' etc"

What is your response when he says this?

Kinnane · 03/08/2012 17:06

You could talk and explain in a gentle way that you are not having an orgasm at all and could he think of someway to overcome this. Just really gentle sort of talk. Sorry not great at this..but the longer you leave it - not talking - just think to yoursel 'I love him' and I want the very best for both of us'...that sort of thing....to talk now will help in the years to come if you don't it will in some way build barriers ..and you might feel in the future 'I wish I had talked back then' ...think love is so precious you want to keep it for ever.

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 03/08/2012 17:06

Do you have any clitoral vibrators that you can use together?

Original poster
crapsexlife · 03/08/2012 17:08

mrs I always try to be soothing and say something like 'it's ok, we can work on it' or 'you'll just have to try again later!' and then I can never be bothered to try again later, I feel like where's the bloody point?

OP posts:
PinkNose · 03/08/2012 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DancingDolly · 03/08/2012 17:13

I've never had a vaginal orgasm in my life and tbh the phrase irks me, an orgasms an orgasm in this house!
Agree with what others have said re him helping you to come first etc.
Why don't you agree to only have non penetrative sex for a while to sort of reconnect with each others bodies/likes and dislikes?

Showmethemhappyfeet · 03/08/2012 17:14

Buy some toys, tell him you want to spice things up. Alternatively, if you think he could make you orgasm vaginally if he stuck around there's a 'delay spray' in Ann summers... Gives a good few hours of fun!

hiddenhome · 03/08/2012 17:16

But if you can't orgasm vaginally, then why are you cross and frustrated when he does orgasm through intercourse?

You'll both have to sort out ways that can make sure you come either before, or after intercourse. It's just one of those things.

Tuppence2 · 03/08/2012 17:19

If you can't orgasm vaginally, then ask him for more foreplay, both hands and oral work for me...
I am of a similar problem that I cannot orgasm the first time vaginally... But once I have come with clitoral stimulation, i can then come vaginally (I am weird)

DP and I sat and talked about this, and now he will make sure I come after lots of clitoral stimulation, and then we can both orgasm through penetrative sex.
I would definitely try and talk to him, maybe he doesn't realises it's such an issue, because you've never told him?

PorkyandBess · 03/08/2012 17:26

Why doesn't he sort you out first?